Category: Relationships

My roommate went to the grocery store and bought groceries for himself. He’s 24 and I’m always getting on to him about his diet. He’s 6′ 3″ and weighs 268. He loves Dr. Pepper as much as I do, but he actually drinks it on a daily basis. I have not seen him drink a glass or bottle of water since he moved in with me.

I try not to preach to him too much, but I feel like it is partially my responsibility as a mentor and role model to tell him that at 24 you should not drink 4-6 Dr. Pepper’s at dinner. Captain Crunch is not a breakfast cereal that adults eat on a daily basis, and while I am ecstatic that you are buying groceries instead of eating out, you should try to squeeze in some healthy options like fruit or yogurt.

So far I’ve limited my dietary suggestions because I don’t want him to feel like he can’t eat anything around me without me wagging my finger in his face. I don’t always eat healthy, but when I do eat poorly I try to make wise poor choices. If I eat fast food I try to stay away from fried foods and I never drink Dr. Pepper on a daily basis. At most I normally partake of this forbidden fruit once or twice a week and even then I try to make sure it is Dublin Dr. Pepper.

Yesterday morning I had a talk with him and I told him that I would have killed to have someone showing me the ropes and mentoring me at 24. At 24 to get to live with a 32 year old that is as successful and fun as I am would have been a dream. I could teach him so much, but so often when we are young we don’t understand how important it is to listen.

While diet is important, my main focus lately has been on communication and telling him that it is VERY IMPORTANT that you communicate with people when you owe them money or someone owes you money. Confrontation does not have to be heated. When you have an issue all you have to do is tell someone what is going on and not allow emotion to get involved. Have facts that back up your point and find a manner of speaking that isn’t accusatory but instead has options.

Ex: “Roommate, were you planning on paying your rent this week? It is three days late.”

 “Well, I don’t have it yet, I was hoping I would have had it before you asked.”

“All you needed to do was say something. Don’t make me have to ask for it, just tell me up front that you are going to be late and why and then it is cool.”

That is all there is to it. Instead of being up front, my roommate thought it would be easier just to avoid the situation. Avoidance does not make it go away.

“Tommy, don’t be stupid…” Pastor Tom Nelson would stand on stage and waggle his finger imitating his wife. He would tell the audience that there were certain days that early in the morning he new he would be “getting some” that night. He and his wife would be running errands and he would say something out of line or use a harsh word and his wife would straight up tell him not to be stupid.

I always thought this was funny, and maybe some part of me thought that married women use sex to get what they want and maybe they do, but that is not what Theresa, Tom’s wife, was doing.

My roommate is 24 and I have known him since he was in the 10th grade. He is really just a big kid and I feel like I am raising a teenager, not someone who is old enough to be out of college. I came home two nights ago to see that the trash was overflowing. Some stuff he had put in the can had spilled onto the floor and he hadn’t bothered to pick it up. I left it that way to see if he would empty it because we already had the “empty the trash” conversation. I got up this morning to see that not only was it still not emptied, but that he had piled more trash on top of the existing trash so that it was leaning up against the wall balanced precariously so that if I so much as sneezed it would all topple over.

This is where the “No Burgers” comes in. Last night when I went to bed I told roommate that I might hang out with him and his girlfriend and watch the Stars game and maybe even grill us all some burgers. “That would be awesome” was his response. When I got up this morning and saw the trash I felt like Teresa – I was no longer “in the mood”. Like the trash, my roommates indiscretions kept piling up. Late rent, overflowing trash, dishes not picked up, the list goes on. To him these are probably just little things, but trust me, in every relationship it is the little things that tear it apart.

I sent my rommate a text today “Please don’t make me have to ask you to empty the trash again, don’t apologize, just remedy the problem. Thanks.” I figured maybe this simple form of communication would appeal to his Gen Y sensibilities. Normally if I have a problem with him, he starts apologizing before I ever finish. Empty and hollow, these apologies are merely fuel for the fire.

So if you want burgers or sex, or burgers while having sex, remember to take care of the little things.

I read an article recently in British GQ about how guys are in desperate need of more “Man” time. The author made a great point about how men are spending more and more time with women and there was a time when women stayed home and men went to the workplace. Now men are raised by women, surrounded by women and made to feel guilty by our women when we are not spending time with them.

I’m not married and this is part of the reason I don’t date much. I love my crazy busy life and I love “me” time. I like spending time with the guys at the gym, playing Ultimate Frisbee, Racquetball, watching sports and action movies. I’m like a wild mustang so don’t fence me in.

I work for Texas Instruments and there are a number of basketball leagues here where guys play basketball at 5:30 a.m. 3 days a week. “I’ve been playing with the same group of guys for the past 26 years” one TI’er recently told me.

The guys I work out with are there at the same time every day. We talk to each other about the Mavericks and Tiger Woods. We rib each other about how much weight we are or aren’t lifting. And when one of us leaves we say goodbye with a wave or a pounding of the fist. It’s a testosterone filled bonding time and I love it.

Every weekend I play Ultimate Frisbee and I drive 45 minutes one way to play with a group of guys that I’ve known for years. I’m dedicated not just because I love the game, but because I need to be out there releasing the stress of the week. I enjoy being with some of my closest friends on the planet. When Cribby isn’t there, I’m disappointed. When I see Dumas or Cody or Shaun show up, I’m elated. When Michael shows up in his brawny paper towel red and black checkered shirt I want to give him a noogy. These guys aren’t merely friends, they are my brothers, my family. I wait all week to see them, not just to play the game.

Here in Dallas, and syndicated throughout the U.S., there is a radio station, Sports Radio 1310 The Ticket. Guys listen religiously. I asked one of my friends why he liked it so much and he said, “They make you feel like you are right there with them, like you and all the guys listening are part of some special and exclusive club.” Guys like that, we need that feeling of being with men who like the things we do. We get “Man Crush’s” on guys like Tyler Derndan, Brad Pitt’s character in Fight Club. We want to be around guys that we want to be like. We want our own Entourage.

I’m 32 and I have a myriad of close male friends and we get to have a “guys” night about once every 6 months. We have to plan it a month in advance and then sometimes it falls apart at the last minute or one or two wives or girlfriends end up showing up. As a single man it can be frustrating, but I understand that these men don’t have the luxury of making selfish decisions like I do. Some things can’t be helped.

I think what is important is finding a good balance. Women need to allow their men to have “man” time. When we’ve had our fill of being around smelly ugly dudes for a while, then we are much more appreciative of being around something soft and pretty. We’ll tolerate a trip to the mall just so we can sit down and watch you while you try on everything in your size. We’ll go see Sweet Home Alabama instead of Predator because we want to be with you, not because we have to be with you.