I became a Christian at the age of 5 at Vacation Bible School but I remember little of that conversion. Shortly thereafter my parents became Christians and we attended a small Baptist church in the colony and began attending Word of Faith Christian Academy.

I honestly believe my conversion was real, but for most of my youth I believed that Salvation was something that could be lost and so I repeatedly prayed to receive Christ and “recommitted” my life to Christ at several church camps.

It wasn’t until I started attending Denton Bible Church in the 8th grade that I learned that salvation is a free gift that is not earned or deserved. Ephesians 2:8,9 It is not something that is given and then taken away. If salvation could be lost then it would mean that my righteousness was what was keeping me saved – and clearly that is not the case.

Salvation comes when we confess with our mouth and believe in our heart that Jesus Christ is Lord. Romans 10:9, John 3:16

Encountering God is something that is life-changing and having received Christ at such a young age I often took his grace and security for granted. It has taken me years to truly begin to appreciate who he is in my life and my desire to attend seminary is to better understand him and his word.

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I often find myself crying when I watch a movie where people are hurting or happy. I used to wonder why I could feel so much, but I don’t worry about that much anymore. When I see a story where a mother has lost a child on tv, I know that it’s just a movie, but I cry for those mother’s who have actually lost a child, or a daughter that was raped, or a for a boy who’s parents divorced. My heart swells up inside my chest like a balloon and I’m transported to a moment of clarity, or reality so intense that I cannot hold back the boiling flood of emotions that is always simmering just below the surface.

I get emotional when I see some great act of kindness or integrity or honor. I find myself weeping with joy when I see a soldier reunited with his family or a father reunited with his son.

I’m no longer ashamed of my emotion or my capacity to feel or love or understand. It may appear a weakness to some, but I believe it is my greatest strength. We love Christ because he first loved us and so when we emulate Christ we love others and then in return we are loved.

Lately I’ve been shown love in such great capacity that I cannot help but see that people love me because of Christ and hopefully because I showed them how much I love and care about them. To me, each person in my life is special and I hope to somehow touch their lives by just loving them for who they are and letting them know that they are special to me.

There was a time in my life when I found myself chasing despair and I literally cried out to God asking him to send me some friends. I was desperate and God heard my cry and now my cup runneth over with friends – and not just shallow friends, but true friends who I can count on in a pinch and who don’t just tell me that they love me, but show me.

I’m humbled every day by how great my life is and how good God has been to me. For so long I found myself whining on this very website feeling sorry for myself or being upset about something in my life, but what I’ve learned over the past 34 years is that God truly is in control and he knows what is best for me.

I don’t know who all reads Posted Note anymore. I don’t write here as much because when I’m happy it seems I have so much less to say. But if you are lonely, or tired, or if life has got you down… asking Jesus into your heart won’t immediately make all your problems go away. You may have heard that, but it is a lie. What is true though, what is a sweet reality is that with Jesus on your side you always win. There is a sweet peace that comes from knowing that God works all things out for good for those that love him and although it might not seem like it at the time when times are tough – he really is working behind the scenes making awesome things happen.

So if you don’t know Jesus. If you don’t have a personal relationship with him. If you have not encountered the love of God, then what are you waiting for? God wants to be part of your life. He created you to glorify him and Christ came that we might have life and have it to the full.

I love you and hope you are blessed.

Eddie

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After working with Route 56 for the past 7 weeks I realize that the age of 11 and 12 is the end of that sweet and innocent era and the first buds of adolescent complexity. I’ve also come to find that there is a limited amount of information that is targeted toward this age group when it comes to Bible Studies and Bible Teaching in general.

So I’m asking you this question seriously, what exactly is targeted toward 5th and 6th grade boys and girls? Hannah Montana? High School Musical? Or are they already over that? It seems that these students are in that age where they are still wholly kids and at the same time smart enough that you can’t be too silly with them. So I’m learning the ropes and it can be quite frightening.

Every Sunday when I prepare my talk I’m humbled by how little I know. I have these great ideas and the more I dig for answers the more questions I find myself asking. Like who are the “Nephilim” mentioned in Genesis 6? And why are we teased with this supernatural nugget and then denied the dipping sauce? Can I get some more info please?

So what are my current needs? Prayer. Wisdom. Leaders. In that order.

I know God has me in this role for a reason and I’m almost always terrified for the first 6 months after starting a new job because I like to be supremely confident in my abilities, but thankfully I know the verse:

2 Corinthians 12:9 (New International Version)

⁹But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

So yeah, I’m weak, and God is going to rock it out.

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I’m not sure of the spelling, but I did my best to reproduce it phonetically. “Hoopo Maino” was taught to us on a retreat probably 10 years ago. I don’t really remember the sermon, but the jist was that we sometimes have to bear up under pressure and that we are being squeezed like grapes in a wine press.

Right now I’m being squeezed, but only mildly. I’m under pressure with putting my house on the market and trying to get it ready all while being financially strapped. I’ve mixed paint colors to make them stretch and I’ve spent money that I didn’t have to get things done so my house will sell.

The house looks great, but my checkbook looks like a nightmare. I feel the weight of change bearing down on me and although times are hard now, it’s really nothing in the grand scheme of things.  When it comes right down to it, money problems aren’t so bad, I’ve got my health and good friends and the electricity is still running for now.

But the point of this Posted Note is not to talk about me, but to talk about Caden Miller. Cody and Amy Miller’s son is being tested for Cystic Fibrosis on Tuesday March 9, 2010 at 1 p.m.  I can’t imagine the kind of stress that would put on parents. I don’t have kids, but from what I’ve heard when you have a child of your own it opens up a new capacity for love that you didn’t know could exist.

Life is funny like that. It has a singular way of balancing things out. The greater the love, the greater the loss. The bigger the joy, the bigger the pain.

My heart hurts for Cody and Amy and for all parents who have to deal with sick children. I don’t know what it would be like not being able to fix something for them that is broken. Not to be able to take away their pain and to make their lives easy and blissful. But I don’t think God put us on this Earth to have easy lives. Easy would get boring after a while.

I’d like to think that I would have the courage to bear up under the pressure of a great adversity, but I don’t know what it would do to me. So far my biggest challenges in life have been to deal with personal struggles that really don’t amount to much more than me feeling sorry for myself at times and envious at others. Perspective can really make you feel ashamed of yourself.

If you have a moment, pray for Caden and the Miller family. I know that Cody is strong enough to face any adversity, but I’d rather he didn’t have to. Nope. I’d prefer that Caden be healthy and strong and happy for many years to come and I believe in healing and that God can make him healthy no matter what the outcome on Tuesday.

With Love,

Eddo

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But Words will never hurt me.

I’m not sure that there has ever been a more untrue children’s mantra. I think bones heal long before wounds created by words.

While at Boyd High School in McKinney I saw this circle of flowers right in the middle of the hall area where students enter. I asked this student, “What is with those flowers?”

“A Student Died, a freshman…”

“Was it suicide?”

“Yes, he was picked on a lot.”

This type of things makes me sick to my stomach. As someone who was bullied incessantly all throughout school I know what it is like to wake up every single day and dread going to class and facing cruel peers. Toss in hormonal imbalance and pressures at home and you have a recipe for disaster – especially if you feel like you have no place to turn or no one in your corner.

My mom was always there for me when I was hurt by words, but it took years for that pain to heal.

The student I was mentoring today brought up the subject of using false confidence as a way to push back the negativity. He said that he was picked on in 6th grade and that he became good at defending himself by insulting students back. I did the same thing. It wasn’t until I was in my twenties that I really started to understand that when I tear someone down it is really just me trying to make myself feel better about me.

Eventually I gained self-confidence and I stopped insulting others or comparing myself to others. It’s a lesson in futility – there is always someone in the world that is better than you at something or has something better than yours. It is so much better to just be content with what you have and to find peace in the Lord. It’s really so freeing when you’ve finally taken a hold of that concept.

If you have young students, please remind them that words do hurt and that if they are being picked on that they can come to you and talk about it. Then do something to help them in their situation. If nothing else, just be there to listen and to love on them – a little love can go a long way to healing a broken spirit.

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“Bros before Dominoes” I said to Joe as we were playing  a game of Chicken Foot or Mexican train dominoes and he kept winning. Joe is my best friend, but he is more like an older brother and his family is definitely like my family.

On Saturday we went to a UK football game and before that we did a little tailgating Kentucky style. There was a plethora of people camped out around the stadium hours beforehand with their UK Blue pop up tents, televisions, generators and ice chests overflowing with beer and brats. We hadn’t eaten lunch and so I gorged on a some chicken wings, 2 hot dogs, chips and dip and some serious dessert.

After the tailgating we went to the game and UK lost in overtime, but wow, what a great experience. The crowd was really into the game and there is nothing quite like watching sports live. There seems to be this community of people who come together for a moment all hoping and wishing for the same thing – VICTORY. The battle raged on the field and in the stands as we cheered on the Wildcats with a C-A-T-S – CATS! CATS! CATS! but alas, Tennessee defeated us in the end.

The rest of the weekend was spent playing racquetball and eating as well as hanging some with Joe’s wife Amber, Amber’s best friend Nicole, Joe’s daugther Abi and of course Amber’s parents Steve and Thel.

Steve thought he would take his 58 year old body and play some racquetball against Joe and I and what a mistake! After a few falls and a tight hamstring we finally called it a day. But it was so fun playing one of my favorite sports with two of my favorite people.

It was a great Thanksgiving weekend and I’m thankful for the friends and family the God has put in my life.

How was your Turkey Day?

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I’m thinking of writing a new book called “Cheeseburgers with Eddo”. It will be a true story based on a series of people who come by my house, pick me up and then take me out for a cheeseburger.

We’ll got to places like Angry Dog and Twisted Root all in the hopes of curing my insatiable need to consume the perfect cheesey burger goodness.

The super sweet part of this deal is you get to eat lunch with me and then possibly get to be in my novel which will most likely be #1 on the New York Times best seller list.

Drop me a comment and let me know when you’ll be by to pick me up.

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While I was at the Song of Solomon conference on Oct. 2-3rd Mark & Grace Driscoll took some Q&A’s from the audience. People would text in their questions and then they would answer them live on stage.

Question: As a single woman, what do I do to satisfy my sexual desires? Don’t give me a pat answer.

Now the assumption here is that you should not be having sex before marriage. Take that one step further and you can say that you should not be masturbating before marriage. Why not? The Bible never mentions that it is a sin, therefore, we can clearly rule out that the act is a sin.

However, the Bible does clearly state that lust is a sin and so you can infer that if you are lusting while masturbating that is a sin.

I thought Grace gave a very good answer…

While masturbation and self-gratification aren’t a sin, feeling the need to satisfy your sexual urges without self-discipline can lead to destructive behaviors. Looking at Pornography, Fornication, Adulterous affairs, etc.

I thought that this was an interesting way to answer a difficult question and it applies to every area of our lives. In our American culture we are very used to instant gratification and pleasing ourselves. We have instant everything and self-discipline gets put way on the back burner.

The Only Way To Rid Yourself of Temptation is to Yield to It…

So personally I think that sexual urges are like any appetite of the flesh. It is obviously both biological and mental and anything that is biological and physiological are going to require some sort of restraint. Food is necessary to survive and without it you would die, but that doesn’t mean that you should eat sugar at every single meal.

So what do you tell your kids? If you are a dad what do you tell your son? Should you tell them that sex is bad, but when it comes to masturbation limit it to one time a week? What about your daughters? How do you talk to them about sex? Masturbation? Do you talk to them at all or just hope that this is something that they aren’t tempted to do?

I found this line on a website with some good information that you should share with your students probably as early as 10 or 11:

Remember, you need to master your behavior, or else sin will master it for you. Even a good thing can become sinful without the right heart. Even if you don’t believe that masturbation is a sin, if it is controlling you then it is a sin.

1 Corinthians 6:12 – “Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible for me’ – but I will not be mastered by anything.”

In my own childhood sexual topics were always very taboo. I’d say not talking is much more harmful than talking. It’s amazing how much being educated about something can help you make an informed decision. It might not always be the right decision, but you can’t look back and say, “Why didn’t someone tell me?”

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I recently saw this movie and not only was it good, it was therapeutic.

Sometimes when we are hurting we build up walls and push people away when they are trying to help us. Why is it that pain is often something that we become accustomed to? Why is moving forward so hard?

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There I was in this room filled with women. Literally hundreds of women who seemed to be thriving on each other’s estrogen the way trees benefit from cross-pollination.

It was Blogher. It was July. It was Chicago.

I was there with a couple of great friends, one of which works for Blogher and I was amazed at all the “real” women and how they came out in droves to share thoughts and ideas about being women and blogging.  To me it was sort of a granola crowd. I mean, being from Dallas and all there is a definite need to dress=to-impress anytime you are out in public and especially if you are going to be around a group of women. But… at Blogher there were very few men around and so there was nothing to cat-fight over. The weapons, push-up bras, concealer, girdles, make-up, eye-brow waxing, manicures, scoop-necked shirts revealing ample cleavage, seemed to be stowed away and I was reminded of my days on campus at Texas Women’s University.

The setting was very similar, lots of women, very few men. This is actually a world I am comfortable in seeing how I grew up with 2 older sisters and a mother who loved to shop more than a father that liked to fish.

The conference was fun and at times ferocious. It seemed that these women were lining up for a variety of different workshops and everyone was handing out business cards like human Pez dispensers. “Hi, My name is Candy, but my blog is CandyCaneRocksYourBrain.com!, here have a business card.”

I always took the cards politely and smiled. Most of these women were older and married, none seemed to be on the prowl for anything other than a vodkatini or a strawberry margarita and some girl talk.

One of the things I noticed was the women who brought their babies with them to the conferences – even late at night. They would wear them strapped to their chests like decorations or badges of honor. The women would run on them and ask questions like, “How old is she?” or “Do you breast feed?”

I posted recently about the woes of single people and our desire to have children, but what I might not have mentioned clearly is that I “get it” when it comes to family and kids. I think all parents have this other connection with parents because they suffered through the nine months of morning sickness, swollen ankles, weight gain, sore nipples,  and mood swings. After that 9 months they had to pass another initiation where they learned what it meant to be humbled by a dirty diaper of a fresh stream of urine sprayed in their face. They laughed and cried and wondered miserably, “Will I ever be good enough?” “Will it ever get better?”

Not only do new parents feel like they are part of some special club, they actually are. They have been granted this special privilege, they have earned those badges of honor and they have every reason to hold their heads up high when others watch their children with delight. Even Jesus said, “let the children come unto me.”

So when I see my friends pull away from things of this world I truly understand why. Suddenly a dinner with friends seems like a frivolous waste of time when you could be spending that time with the most important people in the world to you. There is nothing like family. There is nothing more special than that bond you have between parents and siblings. It is a special world that you should protect and nourish and invest your time and money.

I hope one day to have a family of my own. To watch my wife grow heavy with pregnancy and to see her body change the way only motherhood can change you. I look forward to the challenges that a relationship bring. The challenges and rewards that come with being a husband and a father and I applaud those that have already made this admirable step. My only request is that you never take it for granted. One you have that family cherish it, hold on to it and don’t let your own selfish desires ever stop you from putting that family first.

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I think people often forget what it is like to be single. They parade their chubby cute kids in front of us like they just won the baby lotto complete with baby showers, baby laughter and new friends that just so happen to have babies.

“Look at our baby! Isn’t he/she adorable! Watch out for the spit up!” They blurt out these phrases in high-pitched voices complete with gitchy goos and ga gas all the while oblivious to the suffering of us singles.

It’s cute at first. One of your friends gets married, then another, then another. You keep your hopes up, you date, you have some good relationships but they all fizzle out. You congratulate your friends with sincerity, truly happy for their new wedded bliss, but part of you has to wonder, “What about me?”

You push those thoughts out of your head and keep moving on as if you are in some sort of race and if you just keep your eyes focused on the prize then maybe you won’t notice the kids playing in the park next to you or the couple holding hands, or the new mom pushing the pink and blue bedazzled stroller.

At first you are surrounded by lots of other single friends and so the hunt is still sort of fun. You don’t feel so alone because you have singles parties and game nights. You have your freedom and there is always that rush of meeting someone new. But then those circles thin out and the friendships recede like your hairline or begin to sag like your breasts.

You try to stay optimistic only to continue to watch your friends pop babies out left and right. They’re beautiful babies, possibly the most adorable babies that you have ever seen in your life and you love them so much that it’s a little frightening. They aren’t yours and so you can’t get too close because at any moment they could move away, off to some remote place like Tennessee, or worse, Japan and then you are left there with a gaping hole where a warm snuggly toddler should be.

It’s been so long now since your first friends got married that many of them have gotten divorced and already found someone new to marry. You shake your fist to the heavens and scream “Why God, Why?!!!”

Why is it that they can find 2 people to fall in love with when I’m still searching for the first one?

You start to lower your standards and expectations and soon the bar is so low that people don’t even notice it, or you, anymore. You feel like you are fading into the background becoming nothing more than an ephemeral ghost floating through life shrieking silent screams that no one hears but you.

Positivity is one of your strengths and so you join a gym and start working out, you lose some weight, buy some new clothes, start dating again and still nothing. Then finally you meet that someone special that takes your breath away, the one that you know is “The One” and you ask them out or you pray that they ask you out, but they won’t go out with you despite your many attempts to entice them into just a simple dinner.  “Can’t we just be friends?” They say and your heart breaks into a million little pieces and falls to the ground and for the next 6 months you grope around on your knees trying to put it back together.

You’ve tried and failed repeatedly so you go and hang up your hat. You put away your “date” clothes. Shut the door to your closet and that part of your life and you just go on smiling and pressing down the deep ache of desire that pangs you every single time you see a happy couple or hear the laughter of a baby.

The hardest part becomes not merely facing the reality of your plight, but every day filling the gap between the time that you wake up until the time you go to bed. The hours seem longer. The loneliness becomes tangible and it becomes harder and harder to press on and say, “Today is a new day, a new opportunity, perhaps today will be the day I see a change or meet someone new.”

And maybe that day will come… tomorrow?

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Things are going well in my life, but I’m alone too much. I wake up in the morning and think, “What will I do today?” Obviously that includes work and working out and some reading, but what else? Can I grab lunch with a friend? Dinner? If you add up a two hour lunch and a two hour dinner that still leaves twelve hours in the day. I work out for 2 of those hours, normally with friends, sometimes groups of people, but then I am still alone for 10 hours of the day.

I like alone time, but 6 days a week I find that I am trying to fill my days with more than just work, working out, and eating. However, I’m in the middle of reinventing myself both physically and professionally and so I don’t have the money or the time to start being overcommitted to other projects that don’t serve someone other than myself.

You see, that is the solution to my problem – getting out and helping others. But, sometimes that makes me more miserable than just sitting at home alone on my couch. I have to get out amongst the unwashed masses of society and get my hands dirty? Okay, maybe the people aren’t unwashed or in masses, but my hands, my CLEAN HANDS!!

Anywho, as soon as my clients start paying I’m going to book a shrink… I realize that is what shrinks are good for, you pay them to listen to you talk and once a week for 80 bucks you get to let go of every single mean, lustful, hateful, conceited, prideful, arrogant, humiliating thought that is constantly bouncing around in your head and they can’t tell anyone. It’s like going to a priest for confession, but better because it’s an hour long and then you leave an you without so much as a Hail Mary full of grace. Not that a good Hail Mary isn’t good every now and then…

So… here I am 33 and alone with so many friends that think I am just “So Fun!” and “Almost a Celebrity”, but who has reached a point in my life where I don’t want to go on living like this… or do I? I just don’t know. Maybe I’m in a transitional state that will just take some time to get used to. I mean, I am sitting on my couch working for hours on end and then I feel guilty for sitting at home. It’s weird. This house has become my home and my office and so I shouldn’t feel guilty about being here all day but after 33 years of working multiple jobs and being around people all the time then it’s hard to make this transition. I love it and I hate it.

And for those of you who would like to say, “Well, you really just need to get married and settle down” thanks for that little nugget of wisdom. Don’t think I haven’t tried and tried harder than you know since I only write about 60% of what really goes on in my life on this website. While I’m holding out for Mrs. Right I feel guilty for taking solace in the fact that many of my friends that got married when they were young are now getting divorced. I want to smugly say, “Well, I didn’t make that mistake!” But in reality I’m sad for them and for me because most of them are working on spouse number two while I’m still looking for number one.

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