No Sex, No Burgers

“Tommy, don’t be stupid…” Pastor Tom Nelson would stand on stage and waggle his finger imitating his wife. He would tell the audience that there were certain days that early in the morning he new he would be “getting some” that night. He and his wife would be running errands and he would say something out of line or use a harsh word and his wife would straight up tell him not to be stupid.

I always thought this was funny, and maybe some part of me thought that married women use sex to get what they want and maybe they do, but that is not what Theresa, Tom’s wife, was doing.

My roommate is 24 and I have known him since he was in the 10th grade. He is really just a big kid and I feel like I am raising a teenager, not someone who is old enough to be out of college. I came home two nights ago to see that the trash was overflowing. Some stuff he had put in the can had spilled onto the floor and he hadn’t bothered to pick it up. I left it that way to see if he would empty it because we already had the “empty the trash” conversation. I got up this morning to see that not only was it still not emptied, but that he had piled more trash on top of the existing trash so that it was leaning up against the wall balanced precariously so that if I so much as sneezed it would all topple over.

This is where the “No Burgers” comes in. Last night when I went to bed I told roommate that I might hang out with him and his girlfriend and watch the Stars game and maybe even grill us all some burgers. “That would be awesome” was his response. When I got up this morning and saw the trash I felt like Teresa – I was no longer “in the mood”. Like the trash, my roommates indiscretions kept piling up. Late rent, overflowing trash, dishes not picked up, the list goes on. To him these are probably just little things, but trust me, in every relationship it is the little things that tear it apart.

I sent my rommate a text today “Please don’t make me have to ask you to empty the trash again, don’t apologize, just remedy the problem. Thanks.” I figured maybe this simple form of communication would appeal to his Gen Y sensibilities. Normally if I have a problem with him, he starts apologizing before I ever finish. Empty and hollow, these apologies are merely fuel for the fire.

So if you want burgers or sex, or burgers while having sex, remember to take care of the little things.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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