Envy II – Back in Rare Form

I just got in from another wedding. During the ceremony there was this Asian guy Philip playing the guitar for his girlfriend Katie while she sang. Every time I see them together I am extremely envious of Philip because he has a sumo hot girlfriend and he is one of those really cool Asians that everyone loves and so I can’t hope that he will suddenly morph into a gorilla and run off to an African Safari. (Dear God, please turn Philip into a gorilla and have him shipped to Africa. Amen. Okay, so I’m not perfect, but neither are you and when you point a finger you have 4 pointing right back at you!)

Katie is one of those girls that is really pretty in a country sort of way. Thick dirty blond hair, a smattering of freckles, green eyes the color of fresh cut grass – she is simplistic beauty inside and out and maybe I think she is so hot because I. can’t. have. her.

After the wedding at the reception I danced and danced and did my Michael Jackson routine and people screamed and applauded and I am almost certain that there were a few people that were praying to God that I would morph into a gorilla and be shipped off to Africa.


Taste “Buds”

While pondering about some of my relationships I realized that my friends are a lot like food.

Take Bill for example – Bill is a lot like Kool-Aid. When people see him they are like, “Hey Bill!” but after you have been around him for a while you find that your tummy aches and you feel a little nauseated.

Pizza Friends

Pizza friends are good anytime. You see them in the morning and you are happy. You see them in the afternoon and you want to hang, and if you see them on the weekend it’s party time! I love my pizza friends (you know who you are) and I never get tired of them.

Broccoli Friends

Broccoli friends are the friends that are good for you. They tell you the truth, set you straight, and keep you from being full of crap. Broccoli friends are the type of friends that encourage you to go to the gym. They make you wear sun block, they won’t allow you to wear your speedo to the pool, and they are always adjusting your tie and telling you to stand up straight. Parents are Broccoli friends a lot of the time. Broccoli friends can be fun though if they come along with the “Cheese” friends. Broccoli friends for some reason aren’t fun by themselves – but when you put them with “Cheese” friends then suddenly they are a blast.

Cheese Friends

Cheese friends are great in groups. In certain circles they are the life of the party, however, too much cheese can be really bad for you. And you rarely want your cheese friends by themselves. Cheese friends have a tendency to be BORE-RING when they are alone. They seem to have nothing to say when they are by themselves, but for some reason when they are put with the right type of person then something magical happens.

Chocolate Friends

They are sugary sweet and they make you feel good about yourself, but too much time around them and you end up all fat and babbly. “Chocolate” friends tell you exactly what you want to hear, they listen to you for hours on end and you can open up to them about anything. The problem with chocolate friends is that they are so good that you can use them all up too quickly and suddenly they are gone when you need them the most. Chocolate friends are very hard to find and when you do find them, be sure to take care of them and not to be greedy with them.

Beer Friends

Beer friends are bad for you. They entice you to go watch movies you don’t want to see. They encourage bad relationships. They get you into fights and they bring out the worst in you. Each time you are with your “Beer” friends you promise yourself that you will never hang out with them again but invariably you do. Beer friends also make you farty and bloated and so it is best to avoid them at all costs.

It is important that we understand the importance of all of our friends. To neglect one type of friend can cause an imbalance in our friend diet and that is not a good thing. Over time you might find that your tastes for certain types of friends changes and you feel guilty because you start to like one friend more than the other. Life is like that. We grow up and our taste “buds” change, there is nothing wrong with it.

So tell me, what type of friend are you?

Relationships Shopping

The Break-Up

I met her at The Buckle. Hair the color of apricots, cheeks the color of peaches, I couldn’t help but stare. She greeted me with a warm smile and instantly I felt we had a connection.

I looked into her cornflower blue eyes and asked, “Do you have these in a size 40?” She replied in a very suggestive tone, “No, but we have them in a 38, they are loose-fit, just try them on.”

She had me at “38” and we walked over to the dressing room arm in arm. She handed me the jeans and I pulled the dressing room door shut. Moments later I came out of the dressing room with the size 38 jeans on my body. They were tight, but I did get them buttoned.

Liz looked at me and said, “Oh, those look good.”

I choked out a “really?” because I could barely speak my pants were so tight. I am sure that these paints were so tight that they looked like they were airbrushed on my body.

Liz responed with utmost sincerity, “If you can get them buttoned then they will stretch out the rest of the way.” Then she proceded to tell me how I should get one in each shade of blue that they had.

I barely heard anything that was coming out of her mouth. I was mesmerized by her smile and a little light-headed since all the blood that had traveled to my legs was trapped there since the waist of these jeans had turned into a tourniquet.

I knew that buying these jeans would make Liz fall in love with me and so I quicky went back into the dressing room, peeled myself out of the jeans, and raced up to the counter and handed over my Visa. When Liz saw the size of my wallet her eyes grew wide with desire. She smiled at me suggestively, flipped her, hair and laughed at everything I said. She was sending me signals.

I left the store feeling 30 pounds lighter which was probably due to the fact that all the blood was rushing back to my brain, but part of it I am sure was because I was in love.

I got to my apartment and immediately tried the jeans on again and tried to sit down in them. Once I sat down the jeans sliced through my torso severing me clean in half. Livid I pounded my fist on the chair and realized that I was going to have to take the jeans back and get a wheelchair – neither of which was on my list of “Eddo’s Favorite Things To Do.”

On my way back to the mall my heart pounded with dread and from having to use my arms to roll that dang chair. I knew Liz and I were going to be over as soon as I said, “I need to return these.” I could imagine the tears, the flood of emotions, the denial – Was I ready?

Liz was there behind the counter and when I saw her I almost turned around and fled. She smiled and waved at me and I smiled back a sorrowful smile that said more than just hello – it also said goodbye.

I placed the jeans on the counter and I told Liz, “Liz, this has nothing to do with you, you are great, it’ s me, I’m not ready for this relationship, it is too constricting, these jeans are just too tight!”

Her lower lip quivered. Her hands shook. She looked away. I could barley stand to see her like this, after all we had been through together, she meant so much to me.

She turned to the register and processed my return.

“So we’re through – just like that?”
“No, just sign right here” Liz replied still not meeting my eyes.
“Can we still be friends?”
“Sure, we are going to have a sale next week, I’ll be here…”
“Well, I’ll see you around kiddo.”

And then I walked out of her life forever.

Health Relationships Uncategorized

Good News! Amber is okay!Surgery went well for A…

Good News! Amber is okay!

Surgery went well for Amber yesterday. Thanks for your prayers! She will have no real complications or long term problems like bladder or uterus removal- which initially was a possibility. Yeah!

And it Snowed in Plano yesterday! It is still on the ground now! And no Rebekah it is not quite what you got in New England with a gazillion inches, but you know how it is in Texas- it rarely snows so we were amazed.

Some Old Photos to get to know me even better!

On a separate note, I did a slide show for my Grandmother for our Christmas celebration we had on the 18th. I thought I would post some pictures- mostly becuase I had never seen this picture of my grandmother before and I was wowed by how pretty she was. She used to talk about being beautiful, but I never realized that she was quite so pretty. Look at her nose and her chin and lips in this photo, they are perfect- and this is before the days of air-brushing!

Grandma Reba

“Papa” Jim Grounds

Here is a picture of my grandfather, my mom’s dad. My grandfather looked a lot like Robert Deniro before he died. Unfortunately he was hit by a drunk driver when he was in his thirties. He lived, but he was in a body cast for a year and remained on disability the rest of his life. He was a policeman who drove a motorcycle- he was hit by a drunk driver while on the motorcycle. He died a few years ago due to complications mostly incurred from over-consumption of alcohol. It was so sad- he was such a good man, but he was an alcoholic and in the end his liver and everything was eat up by alcohol. I miss him, it is weird how much more you understand when you get older. He lived with us for a little while, we were always close, but I feel like now I understand him so much more.

(From left to right)My Mom, Aunt Jan, Uncle Jimmy, Zana, Aunt Debbie.

This is a photo of my mom and her brother and sisters. My mom would die if she saw this photo, she hates her hair, but I love it, it is so 70’s! Zana is not one of her sisters, but rather a girl whose mother pretty much just handed her over to my grandmother to raise.

Dana Renz – Mom

This is my mom at 26. She was always pretty, and very young looking for her age. She will be 50 in February and people are still surprised when I tell them she is my mother- yes, my real mother. My real father who is half black and have Native American dad is where I get my amazing brown coloring for those of you who are wondering. And yes, my grandmother on my dad’s side is full-blooded Native American.

Eddo and Dawson Stem

Man I want to have kids this cute, but not as rambunctious. Little Dawson pictured here in my lap makes the Tazmanian Devil seem docile and sedated. This picture is about 2 years old, or maybe a little older. The Stem’s live in Colorado now, they are amazing people very similar to the Brady bunch- a blended family with 8 kids!! I miss them, they used to have me and some other people over for dinner every Sunday night- good times.

Precious – My Sister

One day when my sister was wearing this business suit and we were at Grandy’s the granny came over and asked my sister, “Can the kids have a lollipop mom?” The granny actually thought my sister Precious – who at the time was 13 – was the mother. Granted the lady was probably 80 and couldn’t see well, but we still get a laugh about it today.

Me, My sister Precious, My sister Dena, and My Cousin Kidd

I have great sisters, and a great family all around.

Merry Christmas!