Category: I’m Just Sayin

I like to read blogs. I like to spend hours on Facebook and I love reading Design Sponge.

Each of these mediums provide me a small peak into the lives of people that you might not otherwise see. How often do we get to look into the homes of perfects strangers? (If you watch HGTV then yeah, you see it all the time) But… what I love about Design Sponge is that you see real people who designed their homes in these crafty and beautiful ways.

Sure, I see most of these homes and the style is rarely similar to my own, but that’s what makes them so cool. It allows me to expand my imagination and creativity and I love doing that. I think creativity is like a muscle and you have to exercise it and rest it like any other muscle.

So have you been to Design Sponge lately? Have you exercised your creativity? Well then what are you waiting for! Go check it out!

I’m still oscillating between moments of elation followed by intense moments of self-doubt and intestine rumbling apprehension.

I just left Elevate, which is the name of the high school Wednesday night ministry, and it was a blast. Chris did a really amazing job teaching on sin and I was actually inspired to do better in my walk. He brought up this amazing point about how Christ went through so much for us and he never asked us to earn what he did, but we should earn it. Every day we should wake up being thankful that we didn’t have to go through being whipped, beaten, persecuted and then crucified on a cross. I thank God that he sent his son to die on the cross for my sins. God is awesome. Jesus Rocks. And I’m loving being part of such a great ministry.

Word.

When I imagine us together I see your face staring back at me from your pillow. Your hair is tousled, your smile crooked, your breathing content.

I see you in the kitchen drying your hands. I hear your laugh while you play with the kids.

When I think of you, I remember the way you smell and the way you make me feel. Like soap and flowers and home and then guilt for being so happy and knowing that no one should feel this much joy.

I see you scratching the dogs head. I listen for your voice while you talk on the phone. I hear your breathing when your lying on my shoulder, I feel your heartbeat when your in my arms.

I’ve been picturing your face for years now. I’ve been searching for you every day like treasure and each day I keep hoping to see your eyes staring back at me.

I keep looking for your smile. I keep listening for your voice. With eyes wide open I keep looking for your eyes and hoping one day, I see the eyes that were seaching just as hard for me.

i like to turn on the red light
an instant dark room.
fully exposed I step into the shower
a negative I slip beneath the water.

pose, pose, pose
i hang there on the shower rod
developing completely
becoming more than just
an ephemeral ghost
on a plastic sheet.

drip, drip, drip,

dry.

When I started Posted Note I had no idea that I’d be writing about my life and all its inanities in every detail for years to come. Did I know how many people I would hurt or humiliate? Did I know how passive aggressive I could be? Or Whiny? Or self-absorbed?  No. In truth I didn’t.

When I first started writing about my life online I thought it was like a cool online diary – and it was and  still is.  However, diaries are usually kept secret and written by girls. They have cool pink covers with a clasping lock and a tiny key. They are not published online and complete strangers, as well as close family members, are not reading your diary if it is tucked under your pillow or securely stuffed between your mattress.

The thing about a diary is that it was solely for you. It was a place to chronicle your thoughts and dreams and to gush about your latest crush. No one could be hurt by that diary because it was secret and treasured.

Enter blogging in the year 2000 and suddenly everyone is airing their personal affairs online and some of us are even getting paid for it. Have a severe case of hemarrhoids? No problem, just write a funny story about the aching, burning and itching online and your readers will gasp and laugh and cry with you and it will all be better. Constipated? Rest assured that someone else in the interworld has been just as constipated and them reading about your bowel lack-of-movement will move them to tears.

So for 9 years I have been writing about my life and it has been very cathartic, humbling, rewarding, upsetting, and most consistent thing I have ever done in my life other than eat and poop.

The best thing about writing an online diary is that I can look back 5 years ago and see what was going on in my life. I just did and I saw a post entitled “Babies, Christmas and Divorce” – my sister was moving to Arlington for College, she has since graduated. Stowe and Sarah Campbell were having their first baby, they now have 3 and a friend of mine was getting divorced.

So much can happen in our lives and if we don’t stop to make a note of it we will forget how far we’ve come. Take a moment to reflect on your past, not the negative, but the positive. See what you have learned and how much you have changed and grown. And perhaps start your own diary where you can write your latest dreams and about your latest crush.

For me I’m glad I’ve got Posted Note to not only chronicle my life’s goals and accomplishments, but also to remind me of my imperfections and how I have to work hard every day to be a better man than I was yesterday.

Merry Christmas!