It’s been a while since I updated Posted Note. I don’t update as frequently as I used to because I’m always updating Facebook, but… I think that this site has been a place for me to catalogue my life and hopefully one day I can look back here and see that I have grown over the years. I hope my children can read this site and possibly my future wife and be proud of me for my accomplishments despite some minor setbacks and unfortunate limitations – limitations that I put on myself.

Currently I’m working for Denton Bible Church as a part-time Youth Pastor and Creative Arts Director in the Student Ministries. It’s awesome and challenging in ways I never dreamed and that is the part I love and hate the most.

I think human nature is to gravitate towards things that come easy for us – and if not human nature, definitely my nature. I don’t like having to call out to God for help. I want to do it all myself – or rather that used to be me. I was so independent, I wanted all the credit and glory and was even willing to accept the fallout if there was a problem. How immature. Now I realize that asking for help is a sign of maturity. Reaching out to God and friends and family when in need is what we are supposed to do. People like to feel needed – I’ve decided I like being helped.

I’ve got to bounce for now, but I want to say thanks to all the friends that read Posted Note and drop me notes of encouragement or have open debates in my comments section. It blesses me to see that we can respect each other’s beliefs and decisions and at the same time try to better understand them and in the end maybe better understand ourselves.

Much Love.

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Lately I’ve been so busy that I rarely have time to update this site. I like to journal here so I can look back over the years and see what has happened in my life. Where I was at 5 years ago and compare it to where I am at today.

What I can say is most significant is that 5 years ago I was working at Texas Instruments and now I’m working for Denton Bible Church in Denton, DJing with my business http://www.soundandshow.com and working doing web and graphic design. All three of these jobs pay what my 1 job at Texas Instruments paid – if I really work hard, but it does not provide the insurance and the security that the TI job did. It also is not boring like the TI job was.

Today I am painting my house that is currently up for sale and hopefully in a month from now I’ll be blogging that it has sold, because it is putting me in a serious financial bind.

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For those of you who don’t frequent Posted Note often then you may have missed the dramatic crisis that transpired here just 9 days ago.

In a moment of panic I put all my stuff up for sale and sent out an email asking about 50 friends for help. Within 48 hours I had raised close to $2000 – I nice dent in the $6000 that I needed to raise so my house would not foreclose.

Over the next few days there was an outpouring of love, prayers and generosity from family and friends and believe it or not, I raised $6000. Most of that was in new business that came as a direct result of my cry for help. But some of which came from friends and a big chunk from family and a few items of furniture that I sold.

It took me the last year and a half to get into this final situation. Problems with debt don’t normally happen over night and after being laid off January 2009 I have managed to earn a lot of money and lose a lot of money in various investments, clients who didn’t pay and just poor decisions.

What I’ve realized is that you have to be vigilant when it comes to funds. Being giving is nice, but it’s a mistake when you aren’t taking care of your own responsibilities. Just because one month you are flush with cash and you have jobs galore lined up does not mean that those jobs won’t fall through or that unforseen expenses won’t pop up like a ravenous mouse and devour all your cheddar.

So to those of you that prayed and donated and purchased and hired – I cannot begin to thank you enough. You made a seemingly insurmountable situation nothing more than a mole hill. I’m extremely grateful and please know that I am here if you need me. (But please hold those needs until July so I can get caught up on all this work that I just got!)

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When I purchased my house in 2007 I was super excited. I’d been watching TLC’s Trading Spaces as well as HGTV for years and I was excited to doff my hard hat and get to cracking on some serious house remodeling.

What they don’t tell you when you are starting your house projects is that not only are all those materials to remodel your house expensive – there is also the expense of buying hammers, nails, paint brushes, screws, ladders, drills, saws, tape, drop cloths, putty knifes… and the list goes on and on. When I left Home Depot after purchasing paint for 3 rooms and all the materials the bill was $894.00. Yep. And that was just for the living room, dining room and kitchen.

Something else you may not know even after watching hours upon hours of HGTV is that you should not paint your house and then buy furniture – it is the other way around. First – find a piece of art or a focal point in the room and then build your entire room around it. A great painting, a rug, a sofa, some throw pillows – all of these things can be great inspiration. But DO NOT go to the paint store with a vision in your head and buy gallons of paint that you have not tested on your walls in your rooms in various light. I made that mistake and consequently I have a garage full of colorful paint that looked beautiful in Home Depot but hideous on my walls.

Secondly – it is a nightmare trying to decide on a contractor or repairman to do any small or large jobs. There are too many to choose from and thankfully we now have Angieslist.com to help protect the consumer from shoddy Handymen that recently lost their job as a computer support technician and decided that a new career in home remodeling would be a good source of revenue.

Thirdly – when you buy your house they do not tell you that when you sell it that it cost about 8% to sell it. So if your house cost $100,000 then there is going to be a minimum of $8,000 to sell. Sure I knew there would be the 6% that would go to the realtors, but the bank gets some money for handling all that paperwork and the transferring of funds. When I found out it would cost me $12,ooo to sell my house for $150,000 imagine my disappointment when I realized that this would just make me break even. It takes about 5 years for you to put any dent in your mortgage as well as for it to appreciate and so when you buy your house don’t think you can just hop in and out of it with ease – unless you live in a hot real estate market like California or Hawaii.

Fourthly – Don’t even get me started on landscaping and yard maintenance costs. When you go to the store to buy a pallet of flowers you can easily drop $50 bucks and barely have enough flowers to even show up in your front yard. In order to really make a noticeable difference in your front yard look to spend at least $500 – otherwise you are just improving what is already there or sparsely furnishing your front yard with just enough greenery to make your house look like a home instead of a crack house.

Fifthly, when you do decide to buy your first place, find out what your budget is and then plan on going a few hundred less than what you think you can afford on your mortgage because while your rate is fixed, your taxes aren’t. Your insurance isn’t and both of those items can increase your mortgage by $200-$300.  Imagine my surprise and mortification when I found out that I had received an escrow review and my mortgage payments would jump from $1,167 to $1,454. Yeah. It was not pleasant.

Lastly, that insulation in the attic that you didn’t think was that important… it is. Those windows that look old and tired, they are, they are tired of keeping cool air in or hot air out and therefore your air-conditioner will be working overtime and you may end up with a consistent year-round bill of $300 a month. Sound crazy… it is. And trying to argue with the electric company is a lesson in futility.

Hopefully all of these tips will prove useful to you when you are house-hunting.

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I like to read blogs. I like to spend hours on Facebook and I love reading Design Sponge.

Each of these mediums provide me a small peak into the lives of people that you might not otherwise see. How often do we get to look into the homes of perfects strangers? (If you watch HGTV then yeah, you see it all the time) But… what I love about Design Sponge is that you see real people who designed their homes in these crafty and beautiful ways.

Sure, I see most of these homes and the style is rarely similar to my own, but that’s what makes them so cool. It allows me to expand my imagination and creativity and I love doing that. I think creativity is like a muscle and you have to exercise it and rest it like any other muscle.

So have you been to Design Sponge lately? Have you exercised your creativity? Well then what are you waiting for! Go check it out!

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I’m still oscillating between moments of elation followed by intense moments of self-doubt and intestine rumbling apprehension.

I just left Elevate, which is the name of the high school Wednesday night ministry, and it was a blast. Chris did a really amazing job teaching on sin and I was actually inspired to do better in my walk. He brought up this amazing point about how Christ went through so much for us and he never asked us to earn what he did, but we should earn it. Every day we should wake up being thankful that we didn’t have to go through being whipped, beaten, persecuted and then crucified on a cross. I thank God that he sent his son to die on the cross for my sins. God is awesome. Jesus Rocks. And I’m loving being part of such a great ministry.

Word.

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When I imagine us together I see your face staring back at me from your pillow. Your hair is tousled, your smile crooked, your breathing content.

I see you in the kitchen drying your hands. I hear your laugh while you play with the kids.

When I think of you, I remember the way you smell and the way you make me feel. Like soap and flowers and home and then guilt for being so happy and knowing that no one should feel this much joy.

I see you scratching the dogs head. I listen for your voice while you talk on the phone. I hear your breathing when your lying on my shoulder, I feel your heartbeat when your in my arms.

I’ve been picturing your face for years now. I’ve been searching for you every day like treasure and each day I keep hoping to see your eyes staring back at me.

I keep looking for your smile. I keep listening for your voice. With eyes wide open I keep looking for your eyes and hoping one day, I see the eyes that were seaching just as hard for me.

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i like to turn on the red light
an instant dark room.
fully exposed I step into the shower
a negative I slip beneath the water.

pose, pose, pose
i hang there on the shower rod
developing completely
becoming more than just
an ephemeral ghost
on a plastic sheet.

drip, drip, drip,

dry.

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When I started Posted Note I had no idea that I’d be writing about my life and all its inanities in every detail for years to come. Did I know how many people I would hurt or humiliate? Did I know how passive aggressive I could be? Or Whiny? Or self-absorbed?  No. In truth I didn’t.

When I first started writing about my life online I thought it was like a cool online diary – and it was and  still is.  However, diaries are usually kept secret and written by girls. They have cool pink covers with a clasping lock and a tiny key. They are not published online and complete strangers, as well as close family members, are not reading your diary if it is tucked under your pillow or securely stuffed between your mattress.

The thing about a diary is that it was solely for you. It was a place to chronicle your thoughts and dreams and to gush about your latest crush. No one could be hurt by that diary because it was secret and treasured.

Enter blogging in the year 2000 and suddenly everyone is airing their personal affairs online and some of us are even getting paid for it. Have a severe case of hemarrhoids? No problem, just write a funny story about the aching, burning and itching online and your readers will gasp and laugh and cry with you and it will all be better. Constipated? Rest assured that someone else in the interworld has been just as constipated and them reading about your bowel lack-of-movement will move them to tears.

So for 9 years I have been writing about my life and it has been very cathartic, humbling, rewarding, upsetting, and most consistent thing I have ever done in my life other than eat and poop.

The best thing about writing an online diary is that I can look back 5 years ago and see what was going on in my life. I just did and I saw a post entitled “Babies, Christmas and Divorce” - my sister was moving to Arlington for College, she has since graduated. Stowe and Sarah Campbell were having their first baby, they now have 3 and a friend of mine was getting divorced.

So much can happen in our lives and if we don’t stop to make a note of it we will forget how far we’ve come. Take a moment to reflect on your past, not the negative, but the positive. See what you have learned and how much you have changed and grown. And perhaps start your own diary where you can write your latest dreams and about your latest crush.

For me I’m glad I’ve got Posted Note to not only chronicle my life’s goals and accomplishments, but also to remind me of my imperfections and how I have to work hard every day to be a better man than I was yesterday.

Merry Christmas!

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For some reason this is the first year that I realized how much Santa is like Jesus… and I don’t mean that in a good way.

Santa brings us presents, but Jesus brought us the ultimate gift.

Santa has a list and he’s checking it twice… so does Jesus.

Many people don’t believe in Jesus or Santa Claus, but every year I see more Santa’s and Snowmen than nativity scenes, angels and mangers.

I know that the Catholic church is partly responsible for merging our holidays with the pagan holiday and that Father Christmas and the Winter Solstice have sort of been combined and now we have this hodge podge of a celebration that should be wholly focused on Christ and instead Santa is stealing all of Christ’s show.

For me, I try to make sure that Jesus is the focus of my holidays and that spending time with family and friends is more important than getting nice expensive gifts and I’m trying to remove Santa wherever I can and remind kids that Jesus is the reason for the season.

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“For $500 what do Keggers. Sex. Drugs. Alcohol. Swear Words have in common?”

“All things Eddie jokes about but shouldn’t Pat”

“Correct!”

Recently a friend of mine called me and said, “I don’t know how to word this, but all your status updates on Facebook seem worldly.”

“Wha? Moi?”

The fact of the matter is that a while back I read John Eldridge’s book, “Wild at Heart” and he talked about being a man and how I shouldn’t feel the need to be some kind and soft man who just goes through life trying to please everyone. I took that to heart – fully.

My whole life has been nothing be a series of sugary sweetness, layered with sweet juju bees and sweet berry sprinkles on top. I have always been the epitome of “SWEET” and I was tired of it. I decided to kick my sugar habit and start being a little bit sour. I wanted to be more of who I really was and to not always be projecting this image of perfection.

This was good for me because: A. I’m not perfect and B. I needed to be more real. I feel like some Christians are a lot of talk and very little action and I didn’t want any part of that. And besides, while there are a myriad of scriptures about being nice and sweet and turning the other cheek, I decided that I could still do all of those things and be a little sour at the same time.

Here is where the creation of the new Eddie began. I desperately tried to recreate the image of myself while still maintaining my righteousness at the core. I think I succeeded, maybe too well. I realize that some of my closest friends might know that I am joking when I talk about smoking copious bags of weed and doing Keg Stands, but what about acquaintances or people who just happen along and read this blog? Is joking about those things really glorifying to God? Is there a way for me to be funny without the need to use “Shock” humor?

A quick inventory of my life often reveals too much about myself that I’d like to change and when I’m overwhelmed with a situation I can’t handle I don’t tackle it head on, instead I ignore it and hope that somehow it just resolves itself. Or at least that is how I used to go about huge obstacles. Now I try to see how I can micro-manage the problem and break it down in little bits and eventually resolve the issue over a long period of time.

But enough about that and back to the Gut check…

The thing is that lately my spiritual life has improved immensely. I’m reading my Bible almost daily and I’m loving it. But… I still have a hundred little areas marked on my report card with an “N” – Needs Improvement.

What I am happy about is that my friend actually had the courage to bring this area of my life to my attention. I was only marginally aware of the fact that my posts were becoming less and less Christian and I was quickly succumbing to the pull of popularity instead of trudging down the path of integrity.

So my apologies to you if I have led you astray with some of my inane ramblings. Know that my heart belongs to Jesus 100% and I seek only to glorify him. I may still fail, but that is my ultimate goal.

In His Grip,

Eddie Renz

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