The Breakup

I recently read an article by Augusten Burroughs called, “It Takes Two, Baby”. In this article Burroughs discusses relationships and how it requires work from both parties in order for relationships to work.

Here is an excerpt from the article:

“We want our relationships to be great, and great all the time. On their own. Work-free partnered bliss. As soon as issues occur we think, “This one’s not right for me.” Or, “We’re growing apart.”

I finished reading the article and I realized it described me to a “T”. I get ancy, and sometimes even flighty when the honeymoon phase is over. I get bored with things easily and as soon as something is not working out for me I end it – or at least that is how I used to be.

At 30 I realize I am hyper-sensitive. I over-dramatize, I imagine the worst possible scenarios, and I work myself into an apoplectic frenzy when it comes to complicated situations that involve emotions and feelings.

So when I realized that Cat and I needed to talk about some things I actually talked to her, something that I normally try to avoid. It was a good talk, a much needed level two conversation where I informed her of my intentions for our future and where I thought we were headed.

A month later I realized something that no one ever wants to realize when they really care about someone – we needed to end our relationship.

I think when relationships are over people always think that there was something wrong with one person or the other. People want to take sides. They want to bad mouth the other person. With Cat and I, no one was really at fault, it just wasn’t meant to be.

We had a great talk and I told her that I don’t think we are at the same place in our lives right now and that perhaps at a different time maybe it would have worked out between us, but for now, I think God has a different plan. She agreed wholeheartedly. As far as breakups go it was probably one of the best I have ever gone through. No tears. No resentment. No regrets.

I am thankful for the time I had with Cat. We had fun. She made me feel truly special. I wrote this poem for her, but I never gave it to her.

I want to give you the world
But it might be too heavy.
I want to give you might heart
but it might beat too loud
I want to sing you a song
Something slow and steady
I want to be humble,
But you make me too proud.

I know it might be a bit much, I am a hopeless romantic, a big cheese basket, but it’s me. It’s who I am, take it or leave it.

I love you all.