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In the middle of December I was feeling like it was time to start dating again. For the last 2 years there has been a group of friends that meet at a Ranch for a little retreat and it is a wonderful time that I cannot compare to anything else in my life. For me, these retreats are a miniscule glimpse into what it will be like to be in heaven.
During the last retreat most of my friends were married and so the three single guys had to share a room together. No problem for me as I love these guys like they are my brothers, but eventually, one day, I hope to be going on this retreat with my wife.
So in the middle of December I joined e-Harmony once again hoping to maybe meet someone amazing. I was more honest with the questionnaire this time and I put down exactly what I wanted without holding back. Click, bang, boom – in a matter of seconds I had 4 matches. What? Only 4? Last time I did e-Harmony (four years ago) I got matches galore. This time, I wasn’t too happy with my selection. 2 of the women were older than me and they looked like my mom, which, my mom looks great for her age, but I don’t want to date her. The other one was only 5′ 2″ and she never responded to any of my inquiries and the 4th girl rejected me immediately.
2 months later and I still don’t have any more matches in a 60 mile radius.
So it’ February and of course Valentine’s Day is just around the corner and it reminds all of us single people just how single we are. No worries, I think for guys it’s a lot easier to handle, but that doesn’t mean that I don’t look in the mirror and remind myself that I’m 33 and I don’t want to be in adult diapers when my kids are in college.
I cancelled my e-Harmony membership sensing that this is probably a sign from God that e-Harmony is not the route that I should take. Truthfully, I’ve got my heart stuck on one girl, one beautiful girl that is still so far out of my reach, but I hope that one day she’ll see me as more than a friend. For now I’m content to wait.
On that note, I got this great clip from www.chirky.com (Hi Jes!) and I have to share with you. The part that stood out to me the most is how sometimes there just seems to be no reason for getting up in the morning. I think God realized that when he created Eve for Adam. Sometimes we need a reason for rising…
This video requires a Facebook account to view and so if you don’t have a Facebook account then sign up immediately.
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Last night I had an excellent deep tissue massage from Heather at Massage Envy. As I was lying on the table I realized how much I needed this massage. It wasn’t just the fact that Heather had hands of an angel, it was just the human contact that I needed. For some reason yesterday I could have used a good long hug, or maybe a series of hugs from people I love, but they weren’t readily available and so Heather filled that need. There is a therapy that has to do with human touch and how sometimes just holding someone’s hand can make you feel better. Since I didn’t have a hand to hold I went for a massage and it did the trick… I lika dat.
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13
If I have to take my pants off one more time…
3 Comments · Posted by eddie renz in Uncategorized
Today I went to the doctor because of this pain I have in my right side. It hurtslike a small tumor is trying to grow there in my side where my appendix is. I did some blood work and my white blood cells are fine and so they thought, “Hey, maybe it’s a hernia so let’s make him drop his pants.” Down my pants go and the Doc has my right testicle in his hand and he is pressing up behind it really hard and he says, “Now grunt like you have to go to the bathroom and cough at the same time.” All the while the attractive female doctor in the room is looking out the window – awkward!
No luck on the genitalia even though I was poked as if the area around my tally whacker was the pillsbury dough boy’s stomach. Let me tell you it did not tickle and there wasn’t any spontaneous laughter.
After I grunted with my pants around my ankles the doctor decided to make me lie on the table with my pants down while he poked around on my stomach. It was humiliating and after everything he said I still needed to go for an ultrasound.
I just want my side to stop hurting and I don’t want to have to take my pants off in order to make it happen, is that too much to ask? I bet if I went to the doctor with a headache he would probably say, “Well, let’s start by getting those pants off…”
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12
“It looked more like a chickens ass than a mullet”
No comments · Posted by eddie renz in Uncategorized
“Nice Mullet!” It was a phrase I would hear often throughout the night and I was starting to feel like I did indeed look good in my 1980′s style mullet. When I look at the pictures I do not look good, not hardly. I look like an oversized brown man wearing a wig that sort of resembles a chickens ass. Yep, that’s it, I look like I have set a chicken on my head – backwards.
We started our evening at Babe’s Chicken Shack in Frisco and then we headed over to this 80′s party where we happened to be the youngest people their by at least a decade or two. A few of the ladies were so old that they looked like old versions of Joan Collins or Phyllis Diller.
My friends and I stayed on the dance floor pretty much the entire night and I was surprised that this was supposed to be a “Singles” group. What it should have been called was “Midlife Crisis” group. I don’t mean to hate but once you have already had kids, they have gone to college and you suddenly find yourself out on the curb because you were part of a singles group and your wife found out, well, then, maybe you shouldn’t be going to 80′s dances. I mean, your hip might fall out or you might have a heart attack and then where will you be? Divorced and disabled you won’t have a chance at restoring your relationship with your frigid ex nor forming “everlasting” love with a new P.Y.T.
After the dance that ended at a jr. high 10pm there was an after party at some Irish pub. We popped by for a few minutes and found the music miserable and the crowd about as pleasing as flat beer and a bowl of picked over pretzels.
As we were leaving this attractive lady stopped us and said, “Where are you guys going?” We were like, “OMG, that party was like totally, last week, and like, you know, like, we had to just get out of there.” Okay, we didn’t talk like Valley girls, but we should have. The lady said, “Well, I’m a little older than ya’ll so I’ll just mosey on in there and see if it will be fun.” We told her that was a good idea because secretly we knew that she was in little danger of being pawed at or picked up because for most of these guys it was way past their bedtime.
When the night was over I realized that I did have a great time. It was like being a kid again and your parents are having a big adult party and you get to sort of hang with the grown ups. Everyone is mature and civilized and you don’t have to worry about things getting out of hand.
I’m home and roommate free. My house is all mine and I don’t plan on having another roommate until I get married. It’s not really my roommate’s fault – any of them – it’s just that I have unrealistic expectations out of people or maybe it’s just that you really don’t know who someone is until you live with them? Yep. I think that’s it.
Kentucky was awesome and I had a good time with the Bruner’s and the Watkins’ and I plan to post some great pictures later of that entire trip, but for now, I’m busting my butt trying to get this 08 Ball off the ground. New Year’s Parties are always sort of last minute for everyone because they are all so busy with Christmas and post-Christmas bliss that they don’t want to think about another party – at least not until the day before the event and then everyone decides that they better make plans or else they’ll be sitting at home alone watching King of the HIll reruns and eating a bologna sandwich.
So, once again, if you are still in need of a place to party in the DFW area, check out http://08ball.com and for those of you that keep calling me and asking me what type of music I plan on playing it will be Salsa, Hip-Hop, Dance, Waltz, Country, and pretty much anything that you request.
I’m in Kentucky right now visiting the Bruner’s and we have been having a great time. Some things to note about Kentucky:
There aren’t any super highways – none that I’ve seen anyway. Every road, even “Major” roads feel like “The back way” or “the scenic route”. It’s very pretty here with lots of horses and rolling hills, but I prefer the flat land of Texas and the 6 lane highways with everyone driving at least 75 miles per hour.
Joe, my best friend who recently moved here from Waco, seems to have no problem with the roads and prefers to drive like he is in the Kentucky Derby even though the bridges are often one lane.
Other favorite items are the homemade ice cream store Brusters where one single dip is about the size of my head and Main and Maple, a coffee shop that serves some of the best grilled sandwiches and has the most calming atmosphere. i could probably stay there all day and be quite content feasting on Southwest Chicken Ciabatta sandwiches and hot grasshopper mocha’s with plenty of whipped topping.
Tonight we are supposed to hit up Joe Bologna’s and have some really good pizza. We’ll see how that holds up to my incredibly high food standards. You know me, I won’t eat it unless it is… edible.
Tomorrow we plan to hit up the Louisville Slugger museum and a few other local touristy spots and then it’s back home to Big P – Plano.
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For those of you who read Posted Note and are in the DFW area, you may want to jump on the New Year’s Ball while tickets are still avaiable. Proceeds benefit http://waterisbasic.org as well as mission trips for local churches Stonebriar and DBC and Navigators to name a few.
Please pass along the information to friends that may want to attend! http://08ball.com for tickets!
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“Why didn’t he tell anyone?”
”I didn’t know she was hurting.”
“I wish they would have told me!”
People who are hurting often shoulder that pain alone. They are afraid to share or too independent or prideful to ask for help.
I’ve been on the hurting end and sometimes the people in your life are the ones that you want to shield from the truth or from bearing the burden. They think they can help, but they can’t. Some journey’s are meant to be taken alone and some secrets should stay secrets forever just as some dreams should never come true. We don’t all get to be equal, some people will have children that they abort while some men will hold their barrends wives and comfort them throught he pain. Some of us will run while others can only walk.
There are times in life when you are going to be challenged, hurting, lonely – but this is not a time for despair or self-pity. The world is a cruel place filled with harsh realities and each of us must learn to face those realities in our own way.
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Relatives
Whenever relatives come over you need to treat them the way the Americans treated the Japanese after the attack on Pearl Harbor or the way a dog acts at a vet when it’s about to be neutered. Relatives are the enemy and they will try to infiltrate your life every chance they get. They will come over with their stories and their goo-goos and gah-gahs shaming and reducing you to that bed-wetting cry baby you used to be – DO NOT ALLOW IT.
When relatives arrive you should probably break out the camoflauge. If possible, head to the deer lease or retreat to some other territory that allows you to keep an eye on the enemy from a distance. Bass Pro Shops, Cabela’s, the Lake, and even a burger joint are also good alternatives.
If the relatives come in with a surprise attack you must always be on your gaurd. At the table look for signs of consipiracy. It’s not paranoia when someone is really out to get you.
We suggest stockpiling your plate with loads of chicken legs or other finger foods. When someone launches into a story that begins with “Remember When” quickly thwart that trespass by firing a chicken leg or two into their mouth. If they are repeat offenders and plain chicken legs aren’t working, be sure to spice them up with some habenero or if you are serving sweets a good ex-lax product often does the trick.
For those really stubborn relatives you may have to create a huge diversion in order to effectively remove them from your territory. Exploding turkey’s, skunk infestations, and acts of God will usually do the trick.
In the end, if you find yourself stuck with relatives and there is no escape, remember the saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” It’s a lot easier to punch an relative enemy when they are close by.
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When I buy gifts for my nieces and nephews I try to always buy things that I think I would have been crazy about when I was their age. My nephew is a tough little kid that likes to punch, he’s going to love these, and if he doesn’t, then I will keep them for myself! They make noises and everything!
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