The Blog Patrol - Now Taking Applications

It has been brought to my attention that there are individuals in the blogosphere that are blogging without the proper skills or know-how to correctly write an efficient, concise, hilarious, blog.

With that in mind, I am starting a new task force called "The Blog Patrol"- a group of men and women with a common goal recruited and trained to police the blog community. They will keep bloggers abreast of the latest policies and codes that are to be enforced in the realm of blog.

Boring blogs, babbling blogs, stupid blogs, and ugly blogs will be ticketed. Blogs with multiple citations will be banned from the blogosphere, ostracized, and outcast from the blog community like Adam and Eve in the garden of good and evil. Wanton bloggers will feel shame, public humiliation, and ridicule like they have never known before.

You might be thinking, "Who does this Eddo think he is? Who gave him the title 'King of all Blogs'?" The title was self-appointed and if you do not submit to my authority then you will be subjected to a myriad of comments from The Blog Patrol detailing the hideous inadequacies and short-comings in your blog. These comments, though constructive in nature, will also be dealt with such precision that you will feel compelled to turn from your wicked, boring, and uncreative ways and repent.

But alas, my people, there is still hope...

In a new book that I am writing titled, The Blogger's Bible, I will outline in exact detail how to write a quippy blog that will leave your readers begging for more.

In my second book, "Tantric Blogging" I will have developed some meditative rituals that will allow you to open your mind and release your inner blog child, and in my third book, "The Kama Sutra of Blog" I will enlighten you to new ways of blogging that will enhance your overall blogging experience.

Here, in this post today I will give you a brief example of two ways to write a blog, see if you notice the difference.

Blog A
Today I went to the gym and I decided to go for a dry hot sauna. The sauna was very hot and it was about 180 degrees. There were other guys in the sauna as well. I stayed in the sauna for thirty minutes, after the sauna I was very thirsty.

Blog B

We huddled there, us brave three, in the dry sauna. Like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednigo, we willingly went into the fiery furnace. Sweat oozed from our pores as if we were sponges being squeezed. Naked, we sat there, meditatively silent, breathing in the smell of dry cedar and salty perspiration, our thoughts literally melting away, enabling us to reach a plane of inner tranquility and equanimity. Thirty minutes passed and I began to feel dried out and dehydrated like beef jerky, and I was suddenly very thirsty.

Notice any difference? Blog A is boring and doesn't tell the reader anything about you. Blog B however, uses Bible references informing the reader that you at least went to Sunday School. It also uses the word naked. The word naked peaks the readers interest, much like the words, speedo, busty, lurid, and cheetos. If I had thrown in a celebrity name, or an important topic of interest such as the latest fad diet then Blog B would have been a slam dunk post.

You see my blogging bretheren, we are entering a new world that is moving forward in leaps and bounds. The evolution of blogging has begun and there is no stopping it.

The Blog Patrol will be a guiding light, like the burning flame that led the Hebrews through the wilderness. We must stand together as we progress into a realm of infinite possibilites, be with me now, come to me my children - Bloggers, UNITE!