Monday, May 02, 2005

The Problem

Announcer Bob: Good Evening Eddie! Welcome to Dygestional Dysfunction, the hilarious new game show that turns you inside out!! (Crowd cheers wildly)So tell us a little bit about yourself Eddie, starting with what you had to eat today!Eddie: Well, for Breakfast I had these eggs in the cafeteria, I thought they tasted funny, but I just covered them with ketchup and ate them anyway. For lunch, I had chicken salad and for dinner I had popcorn and peanuts at the movie theater.Announcer Bob: Wow! That is quite a combination, folks, it looks like today we are going to have quite a show. For starters take your pick door number one or door number two - no pun intended! (Announcer laughs at his own little joke)

Eddie: Well, Bob, I think I'll choose door number 1. Announcer Bob: Great choice! Behind door number one we have the hilarious DRY HEAVES!!Eddie: (Begins to wretch violently, his face contorts as his entire gastrointestinal system tries to force itself out of Eddie's esophagus. The crowd wretches sympathetically)Announcer Bob: Oh Look! That isn't all, along with the Dry Heaves comes Projectile vomit! (Crowd gasps in horror and delight)Eddie: Runs to the large toilet on stage and begins to hurl- repeatedly, his stomach a boiling cauldron of acid and bile.Announcer Bob: (buzzer sounds)

Did you hear that ladies and gentlemen? That is the sound of the BONUS BUZZER!! (more applause from the crowd) The Bonus Buzzer means you get what is behind door number 1 and door number 2!!!Eddie: Unable to speak Eddie only shakes his head, his forehead is covered in sweat, his body is cold and he is so sick he fears that he may need to call 911.Announcer Bob: Let's see what is behind door number 2 shall we!

Oh, Look - it's EEEEEEXXXXPLOSIVE DIARRHEA!!!! Let's see if Eddie can juggle the two of these simultaneously!Eddie: Like a contortionist from Cirque de Soleil Eddie manages to twist his rear onto the toilet quickly. It's like a solo game of twister as he places hands on each side of the toilet and holds on for dear life, then while not moving his hands he repositions his head over the toilet, back and forth and back and forth.

(The crowd oohs and aaahs in amazement)Announcer Bob: Look at him go folks! Looks like we have a real winner here, his digestive system is really dysfunked! Well, that is all the time we have for today, but as a parting gift, our contestants today will leave with a sore throat, indigestion, and the inability to eat or sleep for at least 24 hours, lets give them a hand!!So that way pretty much how my Friday and most of Saturday went... please tell me your weekend was better.

Monday, January 17, 2005

When someone actually notices that you have lost weight

A hot tub sauna after a really long day

New Salads at Chipotle

Tuesday, February 03, 2004

36 inch waist pants


Warm Weather

Tuesday, October 14, 2003

Granny Smith Apples

Caramel Apple Dip

Candy Apples!

Monday, October 13, 2003

Fall Colored Trees


Couple Skating

Friday, October 10, 2003

Dr. Pepper when you haven't had one in like 24 hours

A Deliciously long nap


Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Fall Festivals

Fair Food

Texas OU football!

Monday, October 06, 2003

Other people's birthday's



Wednesday, October 01, 2003

Costume Parties

New Furniture

Sweet Dreams

Monday, September 29, 2003

The Rundown

Home Made Caramel Popcorn


Tuesday, September 23, 2003

Huge Sale at Dillards

Going back to days!

Breakfast with Mom

Monday, September 22, 2003

An email from a far away friend

Camping out

Dancing with Wolves

Thursday, September 18, 2003

A Beautiful Fragrance on a Beautiful Girl

A long walk in the rain

A lick on the face from a puppy

Wednesday, September 17, 2003


Black Iced Tea

Brilliantly painted artwork

Monday, September 15, 2003

Outkast New Album!!

Signature Eddie Blue Hot Air Balloons

Boxed Cake

Tuesday, September 09, 2003

Fall Weather

The feeling of squishy pasta when squeezed in your hands

The smell of new textbooks, new cars, and fresh cut pine

Monday, September 08, 2003

Being able to go back to bed after you got up early

Going to dinner with Dad

Having wonderful family members that never embarrass you

Wednesday, September 03, 2003

Being good at everything

Fresh Cohibas

A walk in the rain forest

Friday, August 29, 2003

Friends driving clear across town to eat dinner with you since you have to work all night- that is really nice. I have friends that make me happy.

Thursday, August 28, 2003

Making Fun of your Crippled Roomate

A Footlong Meatball Sub From Subway

Starting Every Word With A Capital Letter

Tuesday, August 26, 2003

Healthy Food tasting like chocolate

Swimming in a big pool of pudding or cool whip

Traveling to Japan for a all-expense paid vacation

Sunday, August 24, 2003

Winter cold

Winter cold

and did I mention....

Winter cold?

Tuesday, August 19, 2003

Paying the Bills on time

Not having any bills

Not having any responsibility

Friday, August 15, 2003

Fishing and actually catching something

Sleeping extra good

Sunsets in Texas

Wednesday, August 13, 2003

The smell of new leather

Remodeling a favorite space

Seeing wild horses out on the plains...

Tuesday, August 12, 2003




Monday, August 11, 2003

Canoeing with Friends in the Rain

Homeade Cocunut Creme Pie made by Mindi Kiese

The way a car feels after it has been detailed

Thursday, August 07, 2003

Mad money to spend on whatever you want

A trip to the Cape

Backstage passes to see your favorite singer

Tuesday, August 05, 2003

Being published

A fun day at the lake

Swing Dancing

Monday, August 04, 2003

Lunch at Ghengis with 3 flavors of Ice cream, and six flavors of friends

A good movie

Dinner at Clarks Barbecue with the Guys