“There are lots of reasons why stressed people might over eat or gamble or chase after hedonic rewards. Unfortunately this new result reveals another one,” said U-M psychology professor Kent Berridge. “People who feel bad during stress cope in part by overeating or pursuing other incentives.
“Now it turns out a stress chemical also activates the same brain mechanism that goes wrong in drug addiction to make us excessively want pleasurable things.” – (Click here to read full article)
While watching “Madea Goes to Jail” I heard a counselor on the show say, “She’s a binge addict, meaning she can go weeks, even a year without using and then suddenly start using as if she never stopped.”
When I heard this definition of Binge Addiction I realized that it describes me. I’m constantly under stress that is normally induced by overcommitting to employers, friends, family and myself. I have unrealistic expectations on myself and others and when I fail at meeting what is required of me, I go into a funk. These “Funks” normally last about a month and during that time I gain about 10 pounds.
I will finally get out of my funk and start an excruciatingly difficult routine that requires intense discipline in all areas of my life. I pull my crap together in such a way that for a short time I feel invincible. Things will be going swimmingly and invariably something happens. A few weeks ago it was getting hit in the eye with a racquetball racquet. It was a blow that not only rocked my face, it rocked my drive and determination. I was on the bench for three days and amazingly I bounced back. I got right back in the gym and started hitting the weights hard and running and doing my 3 hour workouts without fail. Things were going awesome and then 4 days into it I strained my back. CRIPES!
For 5 days I could barely walk without excruciating pain. Getting out of the car or off the couch took minutes instead of seconds and all I wanted to do was curse God and die.
I have to watch myself sometimes because I feel the pull to question God and ask him what in the world is going on? It’s like my whole life I was taught that if you ask God for something, “He will give you the desires of your heart.” I’ve heard that sometimes his best answser is “no”, but I don’t feel that I am asking him for anything, I just need to stay healthy so I can accomplish some goals that are both physical and spiritual in nature.
I don’t think of myself as a whiny baby or someone that feels sorry for himself, but the number of times that I have been injured in the middle of trying to better myself is astounding. A broken foot 2 years ago, before that it was a couple of twisted ankles and then last year I hurt my back on a couple of occasions. During racquetball one day I hurt my wrist so bad I couldn’t turn the key in the ignition to start my car.
Last week I wasn’t feeling very good and so I laid down and woke up with a headache that had to be borderline migraine. I bought some medicine and it started to feel better and I couldn’t help but ask myself the question, “Why is this happening to me?”
I guess I wouldn’t mind these constant setbacks if there seemed to be a purpose. Do I need to be further broken? Humbled? Am i being taught some lesson?
The problem with my life is that everythin, obviously, is interlinked and connected. Things that cause me stress put a small chink in my armor – an armor that I have built up against the threat of myself. Perhaps its not gettng paid by a couple of clients that puts me in a financial bind or an injury, or something work related that I can’t seem to solve. Chink. Chink. Chink. And the walls come crumbling down. I’m defeated and deflated. I can’t cope and so I run to food and spending money to escape from the reality of life and the failures that seem to crush me like a flood.
I’m glad I finally have a name to go with my problem and perhaps now I can find healthy ways to deal with stress when things come into my life that cripple me and threaten to sweep me away on a tide of self-destrutction. But it’s a battle that I have been fighiting literally all my life and I’m tired, so tired of fighting the battle alone.
It looks like for the next few months I am going to be going to DBC again. That’s the plan as of right now. I love that church and I think I want to go back there to get my feet wet, maybe do a few skits, teach the kids how to do a Dance-Off, maybe have a Project Design contest against each grade (Because that building needs some jazzing up) and then I’ll leave and start my own church that features a carnival like atmosphere complete with booths and hot dogs and candy apples.
Wait, I got carried away there for a moment – you know what I mean.
For real though, this feels right and I am excited to get to work with Chris Wilson and to learn from his experience and share mine as well.
If there was a list of lives to sign up for and I had the option to choose Warrior or Sacrificial Lamb, I would definitely choose Warrior. If you asked me if I’d rather fight or serve, I’d always choose fight and if you asked me if I’d rather have the spotlight or if I’d like to work behind the curtain I’d be the first one to pop out with jazz hands. I often wonder if it would be easier to be Christlike if he had been more of a traditional warrior?
I recently finished “Birds of Prey” by Wilbur Smith. Smith is one of those writers that creates a world that speaks to the heart of every man. Honor, courage, chivalry, passion, humility, trust; these are just a few of the traits that his characters portray, but most of all there is this underlying bond of love between the men that is only forged through trials and tribulations that are overcome together.
While reading “Birds of Prey” I couldn’t help but see traits of Christ in the many characters within the book. The father/son reltionship that the main characters Francis and Hal Courtney possessed is undeniably one of the best analogies of how our relationship with Christ should be. The love Hal possesses for his father is so great that he is desperate to please him. It made me wonder why I am not desperate to please Christ?
Smith’s characters are easy to love, they are warriors, masculine men of honor, strength, determination – these are the kinds of attributes that are easy for a man to get behind. But Christ did his battles behind the scenes. He spoke softly and was humble. He came to serve, not to be served and in the end he was crucified like a lamb led to the slaughter. At the end of Gladiator we cheered Maximus. He went down with a fight. At the end of the Passion of the Christ, we cried our eyes out, but I think in reality we should have been cheering.
Christ is atually the ultimate warrior. He took on sin and death on the Cross – and he won. He redeemed us from the law and with carefully executed maneuvers he saved all of humanity by killing only one man – himself. People, that’s baller!
In the end of The Passion of the Christ they should have played glorious music and showed Jesus in regal glory riding triumphantly on a magnificent white horse. I can see a sword in his hand raised as he rides on top of Golgatha where he was crucified and with one single wack of his sword he would slice the cross in half. If that had happened, the crowed would have cheered this greatest of victories.
The problem with my version of Christ’s grand finale is that it would not have been Christ-like, but it is the type of ending we all desire.
I’ve decided to rethink the image of who Christ is in my mind. I realized that I’ve often mistaken his poise and kindness as almost weak. I remember reading passages growing up and being frustrated with Christ’s willingness to just let them kill him, spit on him, abuse him. But what strength, my word, my impossilbe self-control he must have had not to look back at them for just one second and give them a hateful stare or to even scream out the words, “I’m doing this for you!” And then to just shed his chains and storm off in a huff.
I’m surprised that it took a book by Wilbur Smith to wake me up to this reality, but I am grateful for it. I’ve never really looked at Christ as a warrior with a sword blazing and arms and limbs flying all over the place, bodies stacking up in his wake – but I will now.
I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching myself lately. Reprioritizing my life and putting God back where he should be. I wanted to get to a point in my life where I wanted to read the Bible for me and not because I was supposed to. I wanted to seek wisdom and to serve with a desire that stemmed from knowing that is where I would truly be fulfilled.
Being a Christian my entire life I really only had everyone else’s testimony to go on. I’ve lived a pretty clean life without a past filled with sexual debauchery or a drug addiction. I’ve had my share of problems, but most of them have been manageable and all along I had God as a security blanket. For me I needed some time away from God to fully appreciate him and what serving him really means.
Slowly but surely I’ve been putting my feet on the right track. Reading, listening, praying, seeking… It’s different because I’ve never lost my love or passion for Christ, He’s always been my all in all, but my relationship, how I spent time with him, how I related to him and served him… well, these were all things that I did based on what I’ve been taught by a myriad of people throughout my life. As I’ve gotten older I’ve realized how much a relationship with Christ isn’t about cussing, drinking or not drinking, or necessarily following a list of right or wrongs. It’s much more simple than that. It’s about love and that simple act of spending time with someone that you cherish and delight in. When love comes first, then you want nothing more than to do whatever you can to please that person and it comes easily, not begrudgingly. And the great thing is that the relationship goes both ways where in the past my relationship felt one-sided. I was making these sacrifices, but where was God?
Perhaps it’s just part of growing up, part of having the experience of success and opportunity and realizing that money and possessions are empty. Relationships that aren’t founded on Christ are exhausting and dry. Investing time in things of this world is futile and although material possessions are sometimes necessary there must always be a balance of what I truly need and what I just want.
I’d like to be a man of God who has integrity and serves people no matter where they are at in their lives. Christian or Jew, Muslim, Hindu, Gay, Straight, Democrat, Republic, Black, White, Brown - we are all in this together and Christ is in it with us.
Cody M. Turns 25 today. Jonathan D. turns 25 on May 8th.
Cody, Eddo, and Jonathan in Austin at Kirby Lane 2005
I remember the first time I met Cody. His brother Travis introduced us and I immediately saw something special in him. He was like this lump of coal that was ready to be transformed into a diamond. He was very shy and I remember when I first started hanging out with him I remembered being annoyed because he didn’t talk much. Over the years we’ve grown so close that he, without even realizing it, had become like Prozac or Wellbutrin to me. Spending time with Cody is therapeutic time. He’s married now so I’ve had to start actually taking Prozac and Wellbutrin because I don’t get to see him as much as I would like. I’m like a parent whose child has grown up and started a job and a life of their own. I’m proud of him, but I miss him and the times when we use to sing while he played the guitar. Or when I would come home from work and he’d be lying on my couch watching TV.
Jonathan was just the opposite. From the moment we met we clicked. His personality is just like mine. We like cars and good food and martial arts movies. We have similar taste in clothes and when we are together we can have a good time having a deep conversation or just laughing at joke after joke after joke. Over the years I’ve got to watch him grow and make mistakes and extremely smart decisions.
Jonathan and Eddo in Austin – Cody is taking the picture. (2005)
It was in April of 1998 that I became a Denton Bible Hangar Leader. Close to 400 High School students and around 40 of us leaders and we had something extremely special – we had each other and the one thing that united all of us – God. For six years this group of kids was my life. I was in college and I didn’t take Wednesday night classes because that would mean I would miss “Heirborne”. Heirborne was the time when all of the students would come to the Hangar for church service. There would be great music and skits. Sometimes there was volleyball or barnswinging after. Upstairs there was a Slush Puppy machine. We would go on ski trips and to concerts. Sundays were packed with 2 church services and then Bible Study. It was an insanely busy time, but it was the best time of my life.
During that time I got to meet some of the best young men and women who are still my friends today. Cody, Dumas, Nathan, Josh, and Josh are my brothers, my friends and my teachers. Over the years I have been grateful and humbled to get to be part of their lives.
Cody and Dumas and Nathan are all married now. Nathan has a little boy on the way. They’ve grown up to be these amazing young men that I am very proud of. Josh and Josh are doing great as well, not married yet, but they are both still so young they have plenty of time for that.
When I graduated from High School we all talked about a 10 year reunion, but in reality who cares about High School reunions? What did you really accomplish in High School? For me my ten year reunion would be now, 10 years after I started to do something with my life that really mattered. 10 years of pouring into some young men and watching them do well. That is something I can always be proud of.
And Cody if you are reading this… Happy Birthday. I love you. Thanks for so many good times. I hope to have many more.
