Brutal Love

The words were sharp and cruel and they cut to the core. Like a knife slicing through a ripe tomato, like a lions claw tearing through the supple flesh of a gazelle. Too confident. Too trusting. I fell.

When you finally tear down the fortress you have built around your heart you are left exposed. Naked. Vulnerable. The cold dark place that was your soul, the one you kept hidden, has finally felt the warmth of sunshine. Joy has taken root. Love blossoms. It’s beautiful and frightening. Everything is magical, and then comes cruelty like a machete. Chop. Chop. Chop. In seconds there is so much devastation.  The agony makes you sick to your stomach. The person you trusted, the one you thought would never hurt you, hurt you the most.

But time heals the wounds. The love comes back, sometimes even stronger. But oh, the pain… in the moment it is crushing and unbearable.

This is what the devil wants. He wants us to think that relationships and love and life can come without a cost. Real friendships come with a hefty price tag. They cost our time, they require unselfishness, relationships force us to remove our self from the equation. Unconditional love has to be just that – without conditions, including the inevitable thrust of the dagger. But at the end of the day we are stronger. This constant parrying, the back and forth, the struggle, it is what forges us. We are refined by the fire of trials.

When people ask me why I’m still single the reasons are many, but this is probably the biggest one. Too often I’ve been hurt deeply by the people I care about the most. I thought that if they really loved me, then they would never hurt me, but the opposite is normally true. It’s impossible to be really hurt by someone you don’t love.

Satan has a plan and one of his best tools is to keep us isolated. To make us fear people. To fear that we are unloveable or that we don’t deserve to be loved. He wants us to always be on guard. Alone. That is when we are most vulnerable.

ButeEven God, the creator of the world, hurt when he had to send his Son to die on the cross for our sins. How much pain he must feel when he watches us moment by moment untrusting, lacking in faith, slicing away at him, bludgeoning him with our doubt and unbelief. But yet, he continues to love. What brutal love.