Self Gratification: A Frank Discussion (PG-13)

While I was at the Song of Solomon conference on Oct. 2-3rd Mark & Grace Driscoll took some Q&A’s from the audience. People would text in their questions and then they would answer them live on stage.

Question: As a single woman, what do I do to satisfy my sexual desires? Don’t give me a pat answer.

Now the assumption here is that you should not be having sex before marriage. Take that one step further and you can say that you should not be masturbating before marriage. Why not? The Bible never mentions that it is a sin, therefore, we can clearly rule out that the act is a sin.

However, the Bible does clearly state that lust is a sin and so you can infer that if you are lusting while masturbating that is a sin.

I thought Grace gave a very good answer…

While masturbation and self-gratification aren’t a sin, feeling the need to satisfy your sexual urges without self-discipline can lead to destructive behaviors. Looking at Pornography, Fornication, Adulterous affairs, etc.

I thought that this was an interesting way to answer a difficult question and it applies to every area of our lives. In our American culture we are very used to instant gratification and pleasing ourselves. We have instant everything and self-discipline gets put way on the back burner.

The Only Way To Rid Yourself of Temptation is to Yield to It…

So personally I think that sexual urges are like any appetite of the flesh. It is obviously both biological and mental and anything that is biological and physiological are going to require some sort of restraint. Food is necessary to survive and without it you would die, but that doesn’t mean that you should eat sugar at every single meal.

So what do you tell your kids? If you are a dad what do you tell your son? Should you tell them that sex is bad, but when it comes to masturbation limit it to one time a week? What about your daughters? How do you talk to them about sex? Masturbation? Do you talk to them at all or just hope that this is something that they aren’t tempted to do?

I found this line on a website with some good information that you should share with your students probably as early as 10 or 11:

Remember, you need to master your behavior, or else sin will master it for you. Even a good thing can become sinful without the right heart. Even if you don’t believe that masturbation is a sin, if it is controlling you then it is a sin.

1 Corinthians 6:12 – “Everything is permissible for me, but not everything is beneficial. ‘Everything is permissible for me’ – but I will not be mastered by anything.”

In my own childhood sexual topics were always very taboo. I’d say not talking is much more harmful than talking. It’s amazing how much being educated about something can help you make an informed decision. It might not always be the right decision, but you can’t look back and say, “Why didn’t someone tell me?”