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Now Hiring: Executive Level Personal Assistant

I’m looking for a personal assistant. I’d prefer someone leggy who wears smooth tight fitting business skirts – think Ali Larter in “Obsessed”. ali-larter-obsessed

I don’t have a lot of money right now so I would have to pay you about 100 dollars  a week for about 50-80 hours worth of work. That means answering my phone at all times, 24×7, updating my calendar and bringing me latte’s whenever I scream out, “WHERE THE HELL IS MY LATTE!”

Experience Required:

  • Must be able to type 80 words per minutes
  • Must understand and be able to use Twitter.

Considered a plus:

  • Ability to give deep tissue massages
  • Enjoys wearing Stilettos at all times

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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