Now Hiring: Executive Level Personal Assistant

I’m looking for a personal assistant. I’d prefer someone leggy who wears smooth tight fitting business skirts – think Ali Larter in “Obsessed”.

I don’t have a lot of money right now so I would have to pay you about 100 dollars  a week for about 50-80 hours worth of work. That means answering my phone at all times, 24×7, updating my calendar and bringing me latte’s whenever I scream out, “WHERE THE HELL IS MY LATTE!”

Experience Required:

• Must be able to type 80 words per minutes
• Must understand and be able to use Twitter.

Considered a plus:

• Ability to give deep tissue massages
• Enjoys wearing Stilettos at all times