Archive for April 2009
- @BibleResources – Revelations! It was one of his best teachings during the program. I ate it up. And tell him I said hello! #
- Wow. Not to rub it in, but on days like today it is awesome being self-employed! 72 degrees and breezy. Feels like Spring. #
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- Just watched John Berman do a special on the food at Yankee Stadium. They paired p with the Food Network and they have sushi and fish tacos! #
- Reminding everyone that is going through something today – God is Bigger! #
- I am in Waco and there is a “Tea Party” by Ninfas. #
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- @nubied mmmmm Funyuns do sound good! #
- @chirky your mom is a BellaBand! #
- Who knew that when you get older they will keep a record of how often you poop and pee? I am working on process documentation for that now. #
- Volleyball in the cafe at the nursing home, I just spiked that ball in an old lady’s face and then screamed BooYa! Real loud. Felt good. #
- @rondostar I am eating a nectarine. Trade? #
- Just sang “how great thou art” at the nursing home with a mostly alive band. #
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- @nathansherman hugh jackman is my only celebrity man crush, well him and David Beckam #
- Laughed so much during the Tracey Ullman Show that I had to go out and by some adult diapers for the next viewing. That woman is hilarious! #
- Wow, I have been more productive today than Mrs. Duggers uterus! #
- Dean Koontz Frankenstein Volume 3 is coming in July! It has been a 4 year delay on this due to some contract problems and now it is coming!! #
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There is just so much you can do with Mary Kay – not the lady, the actual product silly.
I’ve been enjoying this new business venture. It’s outside of the box and people like to snicker and chuckle when I tell them I am a Mary Kay Salesperson, but I am loving it! The products, the women, the meetings. It’s fun and I enjoy being around beautiful ladies that smell good and give me attention. You have to recall that just 2.5 months ago I was sitting in a cubicle for 8 long hours a day writing process documentation and training people how to use a program called Quality Center and I wanted to gouge my eyes out with a spoon.
So yeah, I’d pretty much sell a turd wrapped in a ShamWow if it guaranteed that I got to be in a room full of pretty ladies. What else do I have to do? I mean I could sit on my couch on Tuesday nights and watch The Biggest Loser, or I could go to a Mary Kay meeting, meet some ladies, networks, hang out, shoot the breeze, etc.
Plus, they have cool websites now: http://www.marykay.com/erenz
The first 20 customers that register can have $20 dollars worth of free stuff, no purchase necessary, just sign in, tell me what you want and I will mail it to you. And if you are looking to make some side cash, then give me a shout.
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- Do you not know? Have you not heard? HE IS RISEN! #
- @nubied what makes those eggs italian? #
- @Texasholly Christ is the ultimate transformer, so yeah, it fits! #
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- @beckpage my Dooce Austin blog is up at postednote with a picture of me and heather and jon! http://tinyurl.com/crqyxn #
- Heading to the gym… DJ gig at 10 AM. I freaking love being self-employed. I work hard, but I do it when I want to and then I play hard too #
- @texasholly um… I am not a favorite!!! JK. I will work harder to be a fav. X0X0 #
- A question for dudes only: have you ever coughed so hard it hurt in your prostate region? #
- @beckpage thanks, I was glad jon happened by at the right moment so I could get a picture with both of them. #
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- Any minute now I expect @dooce to appear in a puff of smoke and pregnant wizardry and then hover in full lotus while reading excerpts. #
- @blurb your wife IS looking good and working those hills while prego! #
- Austin book signing @dooce just finished reading and answering questions. She is even prettier in person and as funny as you would expect. #
- Leaving the book signing without getting my book signed. Lines too long, must drive back now. #
- Psyche I am in line getting my book signed. It is moving swiftly, I am just bored. #
- Sweating like a fat man in a plastic sack. Seriously… It is too warm in this bookstore. #
- @blurb thanks for the fat girl er I meab frat girl pose! You and Heather Rock! #
- @beckpage I plan to, I need to get my photo off of my camera and I will let you know when the story is posted tonight! #
- @chirky I didn’t look at the link but I say a bun in the oven a pea in he pod and a stork carrying a baby! Who is pregnant?? Hahhaa! #
- @nubied uh oh, new shades=gangsta fresh! #
- @stop yes, chrome balls are quite common in Texas. #
- When leaving the nursing home I always feel like I am going to back over a resident that is trying to escape in a wheel chair. #
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9
Meeting Heather B. Armstrong in the Flesh
3 Comments · Posted by eddie renz in Book Reviews, Relationships, Stories
Heather Flails her arms about wildly, but looks beautiful and pregnant nonethless
Last night I drove down to Austin to meet Heather B. Armstrong a.k.a Dooce. It was a treat…
When I first started working at Texas Instruments I HATED my job. I sat in one of those cubicle that only goes about 3 feet how and makes you feel exposed like you are a kid urinating at a trough with your pants around your ankles and everyone can see your buttocks – except now you are an adult and this is totally unacceptable.
Texas Instruments was a thirsty tick that was sucking the lifeblood out of me and I couldn’t help but surf the net for a little bit of an escape from my suicidal reality – and that is how I stumbled upon Dooce.
Immediately I was taken aback by this woman who was writing some of the most hilarious and sometimes bawdy tales of her life. See this excerpt here that was written before her daughter was born and after I had already been reading religiously for a while:
I’m a Slave 4 U(nemployment)
I’ve cleaned every surface in this apartment: every tile, every crevice, every hidden corner littered with dust bunnies the size and attitude of Texas. Alas, I’ve nothing left to clean.
I always said that I’d strip this place bare once I had the free time to do so, much like I’d strip the sleeves from Britney’s trembling shoulders if ever given the chance to hit her, baby, one more time. Two weeks into unemployment and that mission is accomplished (the cleaning mission, not the Britney mission, you pervert). Now what the hell do I do?
As you can see the language is often “colorful”, but the writing is downright creative and sometimes so hilarious that I would sputter and snort in my cubicle. I was supposed to be helping someone figure out how to double-click but instead I was finding a way to cope with that fact that my life sucked – Heather/Dooce helped me realize that I wasn’t the only one with some serious issues and that sometimes you need to get help with those issues.
As the years went by I got to watch as Heather went through depression and pregnancy and how Mormonism has affected her life. I have read about her political views and ideas on same-sex marriage and although often times I find myself disagreeing with her it has never changed the fact that I have loved her like a sister – a far away online only sister, but a sister nonetheless.
Heather got up and read an excerpt from her new book – it was a story that we had read on her website about how it took seven months after giving birth vaginally with her first child before she was able to have sex again or what she called “Reconvening the Procedure”.
I suppose I could look for a job; that’s what any ambitious worker-bee would do. If I were any ambitious worker-bee I would put my shoulder to the wheel, as the Mormons might say, and find me some fucking gainful employment. After all, I’m a healthy blonde college graduate with seriously long legs. Finding a job shouldn’t be that hard.
What I love most about Heather is not the hilarious side, but the softer side. I love her monthly newsletters to her daugher Leta and the times when she stops and takes a moment to express her love for her husband Jon, like she did in this paragraph:
So it feels really good to have all these emotions toward Jon that I don’t normally experience because of our proximity. I miss everything about him, even the incessant talking and bear feet. It’s a longing that is somehow invigorating, and once where I would have been annoyed that we’d talked six times already on the phone I find myself getting a text message and hoping it’s from him. I ache to get back to the hotel room from whatever I’m doing so that I can call and hear his voice. Which I am about to do right this second, call and see if he slept well, ask if I can interrupt SpongeBob to say hello to Leta, and then stop and savor this feeling of missing the weight of his body on the bed next to me.
The way she expresses her love for her family is so genuine and intimate that it makes me, as a single dude, hope and pray to God that someday I will find a love like that.
I plan to insert a picture here later that I got with Jon and Heather. I was elated to get a picture with both of them and I hope Jon doesn’t mind me using his photo at the top of this post. I was standing right behind him when he took it and so this was the angle that I had during the hour that she spoke.
Austin TX · Book Signing · Dooce · Heather B. Armstrong · It Sucked and then I Cried
- @texasholly not a DFW mom, but a friend of mine is at themommydocuments.com #
- The best thing about living alone is being able to sing Whitney Houston’s “Don’t Make Me Cry” at the top of my lungs without waking anyone #
- @robba just making a joyful noise! #
- @nubied what is the best thing for you? #
- At @dooce book signing in Austin and I count about 300 girls and 6 dudes. Feels like my days at Texas Women’s University all over again. #
- 7 minutes until Dooce is loose. I expect mad hysteria from all these baby toting moms. Crowd age appears to be mostly 20 somethings. #
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- I plan to drive down to Austin tomorrow for Dooce’s Book Signing… anyone else from the DFW area going? #
- Just worked out and now at Central Market to get some fruit and green juice. 2 hour massage scheduled for 3pm then MK meeting tonight. #
- Whoa. You guys just missed me flailing about and shouting “booty sweat” repeatedly all because I saw a can of “Booty Sweat Energy Drink”. #
- Had sushi after the massage… The massage was amazing, so amazing that I had trouble seeing afterwards – for real. My vision was all foggy #
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