Observations Stories

So What

What’s it like not being a Christian? What is it like not having any faith? What could possibly motivate you to continue on this planet if you think there is absolutely no purpose for our existence?

Lately I’m all “So What” all the time. I sit on my couch and as much as I know my life is pretty awesome as far as single guys lives I have to wonder – what next? So I get married, have some kids, grandkids, etc and then I die?

I remember when I was younger and at church they would talk about the rapture happening. The Lord’s imminent return was constantly a topic of discussion pretty much my entire childhood. I was fixated on it so much so that there were times I would hope that it wouldn’t happen because next week I was going to get to go to Six Flags or get my driver’s license or perhaps a girl I liked might like me back.

That seems like a lifetime ago and now I sit around praying for God to come already. I feel like sometimes I am going through the perfunctory motions of life – making money, paying bills, eating, sleeping – only to kill time, to have something to do before the end, which is really the beginning.

Last week as I was driving to Waco to do some IT work at the nursing home I couldn’t help but feel like my life is wasted. I’ve felt this for quite some time now and I don’t know how to change it. Perhaps this is where people get when they go into missions or they quit their jobs to do something amazing with their lives – like work at an AIDS hospice.

But even those things would only bring a marginal amount of joy compared to knowing what is in store for me when I leave this planet. I think sometimes it would be better not to know. Like maybe if growing up all I was ever told was that by believing in Christ kept me from going to hell and then right at the last minute – SURPRISE! – you’re going to the most awesome place, a place beyond all human comprehension. But instead I am like that kid who is told 6 months beforehand that he is going to get to go to Disney World and that 6 months seems like an eternity.

Maybe the entire purpose of this life is only to make us really appreciate heaven, these trials, these struggles, this inanity of life, perhaps without it we would just take heaven for granted.

And all of this just takes me back to my original point – if you don’t believe in God then what in the world get’s you out of bed in the morning? What motivates you? What keeps you from saying – So What?

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