Archive for December 2008
I’m home and roommate free. My house is all mine and I don’t plan on having another roommate until I get married. It’s not really my roommate’s fault – any of them – it’s just that I have unrealistic expectations out of people or maybe it’s just that you really don’t know who someone is until you live with them? Yep. I think that’s it.
Kentucky was awesome and I had a good time with the Bruner’s and the Watkins’ and I plan to post some great pictures later of that entire trip, but for now, I’m busting my butt trying to get this 08 Ball off the ground. New Year’s Parties are always sort of last minute for everyone because they are all so busy with Christmas and post-Christmas bliss that they don’t want to think about another party – at least not until the day before the event and then everyone decides that they better make plans or else they’ll be sitting at home alone watching King of the HIll reruns and eating a bologna sandwich.
So, once again, if you are still in need of a place to party in the DFW area, check out http://08ball.com and for those of you that keep calling me and asking me what type of music I plan on playing it will be Salsa, Hip-Hop, Dance, Waltz, Country, and pretty much anything that you request.
I’m in Kentucky right now visiting the Bruner’s and we have been having a great time. Some things to note about Kentucky:
There aren’t any super highways – none that I’ve seen anyway. Every road, even “Major” roads feel like “The back way” or “the scenic route”. It’s very pretty here with lots of horses and rolling hills, but I prefer the flat land of Texas and the 6 lane highways with everyone driving at least 75 miles per hour.
Joe, my best friend who recently moved here from Waco, seems to have no problem with the roads and prefers to drive like he is in the Kentucky Derby even though the bridges are often one lane.
Other favorite items are the homemade ice cream store Brusters where one single dip is about the size of my head and Main and Maple, a coffee shop that serves some of the best grilled sandwiches and has the most calming atmosphere. i could probably stay there all day and be quite content feasting on Southwest Chicken Ciabatta sandwiches and hot grasshopper mocha’s with plenty of whipped topping.
Tonight we are supposed to hit up Joe Bologna’s and have some really good pizza. We’ll see how that holds up to my incredibly high food standards. You know me, I won’t eat it unless it is… edible.
Tomorrow we plan to hit up the Louisville Slugger museum and a few other local touristy spots and then it’s back home to Big P – Plano.
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Manly Men only need 3 things, food, the love of a good woman, and hobbies. There isn’t a hierarchy here either, they are all intimately intertwined with one another and when one area is lacking then the whole system starts to fall apart.
Hobbies are essential for men. When God was making man in his own image, he made little men that would obsess about putting together airplanes, playing video games, basketball, ultimate frisbee, and karate. When he saw all of us spending countless hours, sometimes ridiculous amounts of time watching football, he saw that it was good.
When God saw that Adam was having to fix his own snacks he made woman as a help mate for us. In Genisis it says, “And God created Eve with a special ability to fix a plate of Nachos and to refill a beverage so Adam didn’t have to get up from his hammock.”
So if you are a manly man, don’t worry about spending too much money on that over-sized television or that deer lease. Don’t get all worked up when you can’t pull yourself away from an all day game of Ultimate Frisbee, instead, embrace your inner manliness and tell your “Eve” to get you another sandwich because you are just being who God made you to be!
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If my house were a restaurant, I’d have to give it 5 stars…
I set the mood by lighting all the lights, burning all the candles, and setting the table for 9. I took a little extra time making dinner last night and even started preparing it the day before. I brined my chicken in garlic, sugar and salt. I purchased beer brined pork chops and picked up gas for the grill. In the end dinner consisted of fried chicken strips, pork chops, mashed potatoes, green beans and tres leches cake with strawberries, bananas, pineapple and coconut. There were glasses filled with ice and sweet tea and a room filled with warm smiles and laughter.
This is my family, no extension, no cousins, no friends – which is a rarity in our world. We always seem to have a few extra family members or friends join our gatherings and while we love having them with us 99% of the time it was nice to have just my mom and my sisters and their kids and significant others around my table.
After dinner we exchanged inexpensive gifts and warm hugs. We sat around the fire and made a big mess of wrapping paper and had enjoyable conversation. It was simple – fantastically simple and blessed.
Tomorrow, I’ll be heading to the great state of Kentucky to spend Christmas with my best friend Joe and his sweet family. It’s been a good year. I’m fat and happy and that’s nice.
So here’s wishing you a Merry Christmas…
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For those of you who read Posted Note and are in the DFW area, you may want to jump on the New Year’s Ball while tickets are still avaiable. Proceeds benefit http://waterisbasic.org as well as mission trips for local churches Stonebriar and DBC and Navigators to name a few.
Please pass along the information to friends that may want to attend! http://08ball.com for tickets!
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“Why didn’t he tell anyone?”
”I didn’t know she was hurting.”
“I wish they would have told me!”
People who are hurting often shoulder that pain alone. They are afraid to share or too independent or prideful to ask for help.
I’ve been on the hurting end and sometimes the people in your life are the ones that you want to shield from the truth or from bearing the burden. They think they can help, but they can’t. Some journey’s are meant to be taken alone and some secrets should stay secrets forever just as some dreams should never come true. We don’t all get to be equal, some people will have children that they abort while some men will hold their barrends wives and comfort them throught he pain. Some of us will run while others can only walk.
There are times in life when you are going to be challenged, hurting, lonely – but this is not a time for despair or self-pity. The world is a cruel place filled with harsh realities and each of us must learn to face those realities in our own way.
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Relatives
Whenever relatives come over you need to treat them the way the Americans treated the Japanese after the attack on Pearl Harbor or the way a dog acts at a vet when it’s about to be neutered. Relatives are the enemy and they will try to infiltrate your life every chance they get. They will come over with their stories and their goo-goos and gah-gahs shaming and reducing you to that bed-wetting cry baby you used to be – DO NOT ALLOW IT.
When relatives arrive you should probably break out the camoflauge. If possible, head to the deer lease or retreat to some other territory that allows you to keep an eye on the enemy from a distance. Bass Pro Shops, Cabela’s, the Lake, and even a burger joint are also good alternatives.
If the relatives come in with a surprise attack you must always be on your gaurd. At the table look for signs of consipiracy. It’s not paranoia when someone is really out to get you.
We suggest stockpiling your plate with loads of chicken legs or other finger foods. When someone launches into a story that begins with “Remember When” quickly thwart that trespass by firing a chicken leg or two into their mouth. If they are repeat offenders and plain chicken legs aren’t working, be sure to spice them up with some habenero or if you are serving sweets a good ex-lax product often does the trick.
For those really stubborn relatives you may have to create a huge diversion in order to effectively remove them from your territory. Exploding turkey’s, skunk infestations, and acts of God will usually do the trick.
In the end, if you find yourself stuck with relatives and there is no escape, remember the saying, “Keep your friends close and your enemies closer.” It’s a lot easier to punch an relative enemy when they are close by.
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Gift Wrapping
Men were not born with the innate abiity to gift wrap. If you have it, then you need to try to purge that effiminate quality from yourself and join the rest of us who only recently started to use our opposable thumbs.
Gift wrapping is complex. It requires coordinating colors and (gasp) bows and then tying it all up nice and pretty. Not to mention you have to put some thought into the actual gift inside! Ugh.
Manly men instead find something handy or nearby that is sparkly or shiny – like a broken vase or a bag of half-used glitter – and we toss that in a wad of newspaper, preferably the comic section, and add some duct tape. BAM! Instant gift. The very fact that you remembered that there was an occasion for having a gift is gift enough. Your gift recipient will be so wowed that they will probably shower you with affection, which is fine, just don’t show how much you enjoy it. Instead, push them away, you know, like the Heisman Trophy, a quick stiff arm to the jaw or neck region should do the trick. If they make it past your arm and they embrace you, quickly turn it into a wrestling session, pin them to the ground or body slam them. This way, everyone has a good time while showing affection and looking manly.
Caution: We don’t suggest body-slamming small children, instead, gently kick them with the side of your foot or knee softly under the chin and then act like it was an accident. Little cute kids are the fastest way to expose your non-manly interior.
Lastly, if you feel the slightest bit of emotion during the holidays or around special occasions, hide it by wearing lots of plaid flannel, not shaving or bathing, and grunting a lot. For some of you this won’t be much of a change from your current everyday status, but for others this may involve a bit of effort.
In the end, we know you are trying to be manly in a world that is ever-increasinly soft and frilly, and so we applaud your effort, but not too much, we don’t want you thinking we give a damn – cause we don’t.
So go out and show your relatives and friends how much you love them by giving them a thought-filled gift. Cause we all know it’s the thought that counts. (P.S. Sometimes I actually write on the package how much thought went into the gift in seconds or minutes, that really makes it special!)
When it comes to cooking there is only one thing you need to know: Put it on the grill. Everything can be cooked on the grill 365 days a year and it tastes better that way. Save the baking and casseroles for the ladies and their Mary Kay and Pampered Chef parties. Manly men stick to foods like steak and bratwurst. Until you are married these are pretty much the only things you need to eat anyway.
Also, and this is a bonus note only because we are talking about food: There is no man, manly or not, that knows how to tear Saran Wrap. That stuff was created specifically to turn those of us hopped up on too much testosterone into homicidal maniacs. We suggest not eveny buying the stuff and for that matter, there is really no need, just eat all of the food you make, even when you’ve made what you think is too much, trust us, if you eat through the pain it will all go down.
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Gold Bond Medicated Powder
Manly men sweat. We sweat especially when we play sports or when we are camping or hunting or doing manly things. Because of this it is necessary to protect yourself from itchiness and rashes with Gold Bond medicated powder – in the crotch and groin area.
You can’t use baby powder or some other form of talcum powder, it has to be Gold Bond. If you are extra manly you will use the Extra Strength Gold Bond while you are still wet after a shower. Apply directly to your brussel sprouts. That burning sensation let’s you know that you are alive and that you are indeed a man.
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When I buy gifts for my nieces and nephews I try to always buy things that I think I would have been crazy about when I was their age. My nephew is a tough little kid that likes to punch, he’s going to love these, and if he doesn’t, then I will keep them for myself! They make noises and everything!
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Manly men enjoy competition in every area of life. Who can eat the most enchiladas, who can jump highest, who is the strongest, who has the biggest… everything. You will not win at all of these competitions and if you are in need of this manual then you will most likely lose many of them, but what is important is participating in them. Never back down froma challenge no matter how idiotic.
Once I worked for Boeing Defense and Space in Corinth and there were these tall tables that we used to build cables on. They met me right about where my belly button is and at 6′ 5″ that is a pretty tall table. JD, one of my manly teammates on an all-male team, could stand flat-footed and easily jump up on the table. Others tried and failed and for a long time I resisted the urge to partake in this boneheadery until at last I gave in. I stood flat-footed and launched myself into the air just high enough to get my toes on the table – then I lost my balance and started pinwheeling my arms wildly to maintain balance. Everything was happening in slow motion, even my fall seemed to take forever. I hit the floor hard barely missing a metal ledge that surely would have cracked my skull, but in the end I was a hero just for trying and FAILING miserably. That is one thing that all men have in common, the love of a good failure. But that is a whole other chapter.
For now, focus on what you are good at and then the next time you are with a group of males, let the games begin!
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