Top 10 Things I Learned at the Allstate 400 at the Brickyard
10. I have way too many teeth to be a real Nascar fan.
9. You can get away with a full set of teeth only if you are missing an appendage.
8. Shirts are optional – strike that, highly discouraged at Nascar events.
7. However, if you choose to wear a shirt, it better have a driver’s number
on it or you run significant risk of drunk people telling you repeatedly
you must not be a real Nascar fan. (my feelings weren’t hurt)
6. You can also get away with wearing a shirt if it says something like:
“Possum. It’s what’s fer dinner.”
“Please tell your boobs to stop staring at my eyes.”
5. Riding in a police car can be lots of fun when you’re not in trouble and the
police car you are in is the “rabbit” car in a police escort.
4. Everyone hates Kyle Busch which I just don’t get cause he’s the M&M driver
and I’ve always heard M&Ms make friends.
3. They still do an invocation at Nascar events and include statements such as
“And with the trading of paint, we make a joyful noise unto you o Lord” and
“Let these good ol’ boys get it on. In Jesus name amen.”
2. Nascar fans are very creative and come up with new drinks such as the Happy
(lemonade and vodka) and the Beer Gut (lemonade, beer, ice, and lime).
1. If you ain’t first, you’re last.