Elijah rested on my chest. I kept holding my breath so I could hear his, he’d get so still that I wondered if he was alive. His tiny hands were pressed up against his squishy face. His black hair so fine and silky and new. With his whole ife ahead of him, I couldn’t help but worry what would it be like?
Felipe came out on the porch while I was holding his son. I couldn’t help but worry about how he was going to be as a dad. I know how easy it can be to become selfish – especially as a man. Children can sometimes be placed on the back burner and we let our careers, video games, football or something else take priority over what is really important.
“Felipe, take good care of this boy, if you don’t, I’ll come get him from you and raise him myself.”
I was only half joking. I see so many parents who don’t take real ownership of their children. They go about living their lives and their children become secondary. They follow their dreams, they have their goals and their children were just a check box on the list of accomplishments. Felipe is only 20 and he lived with my parents for a little while after he moved out of a boy’s home. I can only hope that he works hard to provide for his wife and son and that he doesn’t ever take them for granted.
I’m 32 now and if I ever have the opportunity to get married and have kids I will not take the responsibility lightly. I will love my wife with a fierce love and with a capacity that most humans cannot comprehend. I will stay up nights with my children and rock them to sleep without complaint, i will change diapers, I will wipe noses, I will run errands, and I will do it with joy, it will be my delight – because when that time comes I will fully understand the gift that I have been given.
I love my freedom, my single life, my lack of responsibility, but there isn’t a day that goes by that part of me doesn’t wish that I was already a dad. I push it out of my mind so that I don’t get into a rush and make a foolish decision. I won’t settle and I will trust in the God to provide, but I will do all that is in my power to make sure that Felipe’s son and my nephew Aiden know that they are not only loved and well taken care of, but that they are cherished.