Suicide

(The above postcard is from postsecret.blogspot.com)

Last night my mom called me at 11:20. “Your Aunt Debbie called and said Jimmy Dale hung himself, they are doing CPR on him now, say a prayer for him and Aunt Debbie. She is beside herself.”

At 12:09 I get a text from my cousin Chanc. “Della called and said Cousin Jimmy committed suicide.”

Growing up my cousin Jimmy was one of my favorite cousins. We hung out when he was around when I was staying with my Aunt Jan. He was older than me by a couple of years and we were always getting into things we weren’t supposed to. I looked up to him then, but as we got older I saw that his life and mine were as opposite as Mother Teresa’s and Charles Manson’s.

Jimmy had 4 boys from three different women. He was wild and free and apparently he was hurting. Over the years he rarely showed up to family gatherings at Thanksgiving and Christmas. He lived his own life and I have to admit I was more than a little disappointed in him for not being a better father. But we each have our own demons, sometimes we just don’t know how to deal with them.

I had no idea Jimmy was contemplating suicide, but after talking to my mom this morning, apparently it was something he had been threatening lately. Talk of suicide should never be taken lightly. Thoughts of suicide should not be taken lightly either. Despair is a quicksand that can quickly overtake you if you don’t get help. Many people think they are strong enough to help themselves, but sometimes you need to get professional help.

As I write this I am sad mostly for my Aunt Debbie, Jimmy’s brother and sisters, and his four sons. What must it be like to have a parent that commits suicide? I can’t imagine.

In the end, suicide is selfish and it makes me a little bit angry. I wish that he had held on for one more day. I wish I had known that he was talking about suicide.

Say a prayer for my Aunt Debbie and her immediate family. My mom is going up to Oklahoma today to be with them. I debated about going, but I don’t know what I could do at this point. Prayer seems to be the best course of action and then I will attend the funeral later this week.