Detox Day 19: I’m in No Mood

This morning I had to get up early and drive to Denton, 40 miles one way, to get money out of my bank account there and put in my bank account here in Plano. Due to the fact that I have a number of bills being taken out of that account I’ve kept it open, plus, not having access to money sometimes keeps me from spending it. I was a little upset about having to go to Denton because if my roommate had paid his rent on time I wouldn’t have had to bother. He pays me weekly, well, he’s paid me 3 times and only once has he paid me on time. The 100 bucks a week, no bills, has proven to be too much for him to handle. On Thursday he tells me that he will be able to pay me next week $400 when he gets paid on his new job.

As I sat in traffic this morning I started to stew like a large carrot. I was unhappy that I had to make the drive, spend the time and gas money all because my roommate was unable to handle his responsibilities. I’ve been in the same boat so I’ve been VERY lenient, but I was about to pop. This has not been a good week and with Josh rarely lifting a hand around the house or keeping his room or bathroom clean I had just had enough.

When I arrived home this morning he was in the kitchen. I told him Andrew would probably be moving in at the end of June and that he needed to start keeping his bathroom clean. It was filthy with Gold Bond powder on the counter tops and soap dispener. Piles of clothes sat on the floor and his trash was overflowing. His toiletries were haphazardly laying around on the counter top and it just wasn’t something I could tolerate from a roommate that paid rent on time, it was definitely intolerable from a roommate who was getting a heck of deal at $400 a month, no bills, and still wasn’t able to pay rent on time.

So I told him that he needed to start keeping his bathroom clean. It is the guest bathroom and so it needs to always be clean. Then I told him he needed to start paying his rent on time or to start looking for some other place to stay. It isn’t fair to me and if he was staying someplace else he would be paying late fees. Part of the reason he hasn’t been able to pay rent is because he switched jobs and he is getting paid every two weeks and he didn’t get paid from his old job like he thought he was going to. I understand that, but the bank doesn’t care why I don’t have my mortgage payment, they still expect me to pay it on time. I am trying to teach him that when it comes to responsibilities, rent comes first, then car, then food and electricity and then, after all that is taken care of, then you get to have entertainment and discretionary income, not the other way around.

So last night I got home and my tooth was hurting bad. It hurt all day and at the end of they day my trainer said, “You know that same energy you brought to Cranium in yesterday’s meeting, you need to bring that to these meetings.” I wanted to sock him in the face.  I had mentioned already that my tooth was hurting and I reminded him again, “I am in pain, I was barely holding it together. My tooth has been hurting since lunch.” Apparently people don’t register tooth pain with actual pain, but let me tell you, I’d rather have any other part of my body hurt. Tooth pain makes me so miserable that I become incapacitated. I can’t focus on anything else. It throbs and hurts and I want to kill people.

My trainer had no idea how close he had come to death. Of all the things he needs to coach me on, the last thing I need help with is meetings and my energy level during meetings. I’m not a Jack Russel, don’t expect me to always be chipper and ready to chase the ball. Sometimes I’ll be upbeat and funny, but sometimes I just want to get the job done, especially when I am in pain.

So last night I hurt so bad and then finally the pain subsided after taking 4 Advils. I was tired and not in the mood to go out and find some food and so I started snacking on that damn large bag of popcorn again. I ate and ate and ate that stuff – detox be damned! Then I went into the kitchen and thought, I’ll just eat one bite of this cookie. That one bite was so good that I ate the whole thing. I didn’t care, I wasn’t even sorry and I felt very little guilt.

I weighed 327.4 this morning despite my modest binge last night. I’m falling apart here at the end, but I only have 3 days left and so I am going to stick it out. I feel like with all that is going on in my life, a root canal, a break up with a girlfriend, a huge electric bill and a $540 dental bill, a roommate that hasn’t paid rent, my foot in a boot so I can’t play Ultimate, a job that is sucking butt – well, I’m going to allow that modest binge and pat myself on the back because in the past I would have went right down to Pancho’s and stuffed my face and gorged my sorrows away.

So if you see me today and I’m cranky, it’s because I am in No Mood to deal with anything right now. NO MOOD!