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Diet Health Stories

Detox Day 18: Can You Believe It?

Yesterday I had a root canal and I almost went ballistic. The doctor was a real pain in the ass and kept asking me to be still. I wanted to grab him by the nutsack and squeeze and then say, “Be Still”.  When the procedure was over I was angry. Not because the tooth hurt while he was working on it, but the whole time my neck was hurting because of the weird angle that I was positioned at. Plus, this Doctor kept insisting that he force his entire fist into my mouth. “Wider” he said, “You got to give it to me.” After you hold your mouth open for that long it starts to involuntarily close or relax because of the pain.

I found this Edodontist on my healthcare provider’s website. He was the only one available to do the procedure on such a short notice. When I first met him I thought I was meeting some techno dance club owner, not someone who had spent a good deal of his life in the classroom. His head was shaved as smooth as Mr. Clean’s, he wore his shirt unbuttoned one button too far down and he had a gold chain hanging against his caramel colored skin. He was of an undiscernable ethnic descent, but if I had to guess I would say Mexipimpican, because he could have been Mexican or he could have been a pimp – or both.

I’m surprised that when the nurse laid me back in the chair that the doctor didn’t arrive with a purple mink hat and coat.  I can picture him wearing platform shoes and smoking on a cigarrette with one of those long sticks atttached to it. Right before the procedure he would turn on some James Brown and break it down to get me in the mood for my root canal. Both the procedures would prove to be unpleasant.

Yesterday was hellacious. After the root canal I single handedly pulled off a Department Meeting/Birthday Party. I put together 30 gift bags filled with candy and toys. Made large bowls of pineapple punch, purchased decorations, cupcakes, chips, popcorn, fruit trays, cookies and put together a PowerPoint presentation that would dazzle the Mata Hari.

By the time 5:00 had rolled around I had eaten nothing. For breakfast I had allowed myself a tall Cafe Latte. I don’t remember if I asked for decaf and was disappointed in this oversight. Latte’s are made with milk and yes, I know I am not supposed to have it, but I was about to have a root canal, I had just broken up with my girlfriend, my foot was still in a dang boot, and people, I was having trouble holding my stuff together. So I splurged and then didn’t eat for the rest of the day because my face was not in the mood.  Food kept trying to talk to me and my face was like, “no, nope, I’m not hearing it”.

While watching David Cook win American Idol last night I made some refried beans with a little bit of butter and olive oil and grilled onions. I ate it like a dip with chunks of fresh red pepper. It was really good.

Then I made the mistake of bringing home some leftover treats from the party at work. I brought them home for Josh, but the large bag of popcorn looked very tempting. I ate a couple of pieces and then devoured the entire 10 pound bag. Just kidding. I did eat a little bit, not so much that I worried about it, but I shouldn’t have eaten any at all. I blame stress again, and hunger. A tall coffee, a bowl of beans and red pepper are hardly enough food for a man of my size – or anyone for that matter.

I got up this morning and weighed 327.8 and so that little bit of popcorn made me gain .6 pounds. Haha. Just Kidding, I am sure that it is just a fluctation and tomorrow  I will be at 326. We’ll see.

On a more positive note, Fred has lost 6 pounds on his low carb diet in 3 days. Go Fred! Go over to his website and send him some encouragement. Diets are hard people.

Some people have asked me about the Dr. Natura and I have to admit I really don’t recommend it. It is so nasty and I don’t really notice and real positive affects. Maybe it’s working? Maybe not. Maybe it would work better if I was eating more?

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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