Marry Me… Reason #102 I Will Define the Relationship

“I want you to be my girlfriend” It sounded like something I would have said in 8th grade, but you have to say it. You have to ask, you have to define the relationship. I also took this opportunity to set expectations. Relationships aren’t about being controlling or manipulative, they are about open communication and honesty. As a 32 year old man dating a 23 year old woman I felt it important to cover certain aspects of our relationship. It was difficult for me to say what I needed to say. I brooded about it, I didn’t want to sound cheesy, or stupid, but I felt that I needed to lay a foundation that one day, if we were to get married, we both could look back on and be proud of.

I did not do this with the last girl I was seeing. I asked her to be my girlfriend over email. How spineless was that? I was never proud of myself for doing that. It’s easy to ask tough questions over an impersonal medium, but I don’t think it is the right thing to do.

I remember an episode of Sex and the City (I know, it’s of the devil) and Carrie’s boyfriend broke up with her on a Post-It Note. Guys, come on, we have to do better than that.

In my last relationship I didn’t do much better, I ended things with one girl face-to-face, however, the last one I ended things over email. It was a nice email summing up things nicely – like saying, “We just aren’t a good match.” But I should have said these things in person.

Love is messy. Relationships are difficult. I have a tendency to over think things. If I am not constantly in a state of bliss then I want to run for the exit. I’m working on that now.

No matter where Erin and I end up, I want our relationship to be centered on Christ, open communication, honesty and purity. I’ve messed up a lot in the past, but from now on I hope to do it right. And hopefully, one of these days, there will be more than just 101 Reasons to Marry Me…