Yesterday I finished reading My Friend Leonard by James Frey. Leonard is this tough man who is head of a large criminal organization (read: Mafia). He’s rich, he’s powerful and he lives his entire life hiding the fact that he is homosexual. At the end of the book Leonard takes his own life with a bottle of pills. He has full blown AIDS and his body is rotting away filled with sores. He was this great man who was full of life and loved people. In the story you can’t help but love Leonard. He is the kind of guy you want for a father, a mentor and a friend. At the end of the book when you find out he has AIDS it isn’t a surprise because James told us that Leonard died of AIDS in his first book, A Million Little Pieces. Stories about real life are the best because they allow us to see that everyone around us is human. We all hurt, we all need, we all have secrets and vices, addictions and wants. We are sometimes so desperate to just be loved and to feel needed that we will give up everything, even our life, just to find it.
Living your life in hiding or believing that you are a certain way that you cannot change is horrific. Our society makes allowances for just about everything. If you don’t like your nose you can surgically change it. If your breasts are too small you can get implants. Men start to lose their hair and we invent Rogaine and Propecia and if that doesn’t work you can have a hair transplant at the Bosley Clinic or you can become a member of the Hair Club for Men. If you look around we are a society that cannot be denied any of our wants or desires – unless we no longer want to be homosexual.
What is interesting to note, however, is that men who are Gay are told to just accept it. To just believe that is the way you were born. Embrace it. There are a number of reasons as to why someone might be gay, but because we are a homophobic society no one is sharing it.
There is very little understanding about human sexuality. How and why we are attracted to something is like trying to understand the phenomenom that is electricity or why Venus spins backward. I’ve been attracted to so many things that I don’t understand it, It’s disgusting and shameful, but that doesn’t mean at the time it didn’t turn me on. When it comes to eroticism it feels natural because it feels good, it doesn’t mean that it is right or that it isn’t destructive.
I’m not here to debate whether people are born homosexual or gay or lesbian. I’m here to say that there are people who find themselves attracted to the same sex who don’t desire to be. The above post card is from www.postsecret.blogspot.com . I’ve seen others that are similar and even one that said, “If there was a cure for homosexuality I’d be the first in line.”
The interesting thing to note is that I have never once heard of a straight individual wishing that they were gay. You never hear someone say, “Man, I hate being straight!”
There are organizations that have been formed by people who have been gay and have turned their lives around and have led healthy heterosexual lives. Some might argue that they are merely lying to themselves, but maybe they are finally telling themselves the truth? Why is that so hard to grasp?
Male sexuality is such that we can be attracted to almost anything. If we sexually fantasize about a tire or a dresser we can literally be turned on and aroused by a tire or a dresser. Our brains are wired such that when we see something, before our brain even tells us what it is, it is scanned for sex and reproduction. )(Personally, I think God made us this way because if he didn’t guys would just play sports all day and build things.)
I think most people don’t want to talk about homosexuality because there is so much about it that is unknown. For straight guys it is a taboo topic, and for gay men they’ve had no one to turn to most of their lives and even though society has become more accepting they are still unhappy with themselves.
As a mentor, I’ve known a few kids that have struggled with homosexuality. Recently, I had a relative divulge that they were in a same sex relationship and I have friends who are gay and so once again I don’t want to argue anything about whether or not someone is born gay, I just want to present the facts.
http://www.peoplecanchange.com/ has some interesting information about change. Many people think it is only religious or Christians who want to change, this isn’t true.
And here is some information from www.narth.com :
The Three Myths
About HomosexualityMyth #1
Homosexuality is normal and biologically determined.
The truth…
There is no scientific research indicating a biological or genetic cause for homosexuality. Biological factors may play a role in the predisposition to homosexuality. However, this is true of many other psychological conditions.
Research suggests that social and psychological factors are strongly influential. Examples include problems in early family relationships, sexual seduction, and sense of inadequacy with same-sex peers, with resulting disturbance in gender identity. Society can also influence a sexually questioning youth when it encourages gay self-labeling.
Myth #2
Homosexuals cannot change, and if they try, they will suffer great emotional distress and become suicidal. Therefore, treatment to change homosexuality must be stopped.
The truth…
Psychotherapists around the world who treat homosexuals report that significant numbers of their clients have experienced substantial healing. Change has come through psychological therapy, spirituality, and ex-gay support groups. Whether leading married or committed celibate lives, many report that their homosexual feelings have diminished greatly, and do not trouble them as much as they had in the past.
The keys to change are desire, persistence, and a willingness to investigate the conscious and unconscious conflicts from which the condition originated. Change comes slowly, usually over several years. Clients learn how to meet their needs for same-sex nurturance and affirmation without eroticizing the relationship. As they grow into their heterosexual potential, men and women typically experience a deeper and fuller sense of themselves as male or female.
If some homosexuals do not wish to change, that is their choice, yet it is profoundly sad that gay-rights activists struggle against the right-to-treatment for other homosexuals who yearn for freedom from their attractions.
Myth #3
We must teach our children that homosexuality is as normal and healthy as heterosexuality. Teenagers should be encouraged to celebrate their same-sex attractions.
The truth…
Scientific research supports age-old cultural norms that homosexuality is not a healthy, natural alternative to heterosexuality. Research shows that gay teens are especially vulnerable to substance abuse and early, high-risk sexual behavior. It does far more harm than good to tell a teenager that his or her attractions toward members of the same sex are normal and desirable. Teens in this position need understanding and counseling, not a push in the direction of a potentially deadly lifestyle.
A 1992 study in Pediatrics found that 25.9% of 12-year-olds are uncertain if they are gay or straight. The teen years are critical to the question of self-labeling, so the facts must be presented in our schools in a fair and balanced manner.
What is most important in life is that you find peace with who you are and to be yourself. Don’t allow the world to tell you what you should or shouldn’t be. And when you lay your head on your pillow at night and you only have your thoughts to keep you occupied ask yourself if are you truly happy with who you are and who you have become.
This is my favorite sentence out of all of that: Clients learn how to meet their needs for same-sex nurturance and affirmation without eroticizing the relationship.
Meaning, they are still gay – they have just learned to channel their sexual urges to women. I have friends who identify as gay but are turned on by women and can have sex with them, no problem. But the emotional connection they seek and need are with men.
If you grew up being told by your family, your church, your society that the feelings you have towards women are wrong, perverse, disgusting, an abomination to God, how would you feel?
I find it interesting that you think it’s disgusting and shameful to be attracted to various things/people. Have you thought about why it is you think that?
Actually Heather, it doesn’t mean that. Men have a natural need to be accepted by other men. That need is never filled with sex. Do some research on the subject and you will find that there are men who slept with over 2000 men but always felt unsatisfied. Sex can be an addiction just like drugs.
Also, you are a woman and so maybe you haven’t seen the depths of depravity that is in pornography. Have you seen the movie 8MM with Nicolas Cage? There is such horrific things in that movie and one of the actors says “it doesn’t turn you on but it doesn’t exactly turn you off either does it?”
When you mentor guys that spend thousands a month on pornography and steal credit cards so they can dial 900 numbers then you might understand how sexual addiction can come in many forms.
Do you believe people can’t change their sexual orientation?
One more thing Heather, many people blame our culture and society for people being ashamed about how they feel, but that doesn’t change the fact that some men want to be attracted to women, they want kids, they want the whole package and they are confused. It’s like someone who is born a man and wishes that they were a woman. We allow for a transgender, people will self-mutilate, take hormone pills, whatever it takes to be what they want, so it is unfair to deny them that.
Also, along with your point, what about men and women who are bisexual? What are your views and opinions there? Where is the moral compass? Who draws the line on what is right and what is wrong?
We don’t allow people to smoke marijuana, we force people to wear seatbelts, we police certain self-destructive behaviors but we turn a blind eye to certain behaviors that are just as destructive.
So, do you believe his “true life stories” are real when he was exposed on Oprah for fabricating the truth?
Exposed on Oprah or not, both of these books are amazing. The writing style is choppy and weird. It doesn’t follow grammatical rules, but the story, even if it is 50% false, there would be enough truth to keep you intrigued.
Some of that stuff in there is just almost impossible to make up. And the second book, which I am sure is more true to life after the first fiasco, is unbelievable as well. I couldn’t put it down. I think I love it because it is real life and you get to see what people can accomplish when they set their mind to it.
It does far more harm than good to tell a teenager that his or her attractions toward members of the same sex are normal and desirable.
Oh, DIAF you piece of shit. It’s this kind of attitude that leads to the depressingly high suicide rates in teens.
You are one of the most disgusting people I’ve ever had the misfortune to come across.
I hate being gay. I mean, people are doing their best to promote tolerance of gay people, but we’re still a relatively hated group of people. Being gay creates loads and loads of problems for you.
I would really love to become straight, but I’m a bit apprehensive of these “gay-to-straight” things. Most are religiously based (while I am atheist), so… I dunno… I wish society could be completely accepting of gay people and same-sex relationships, but until then, I will always hate being gay and will be desperate for a way to become straight.
Being gay truly does suck. Being gay (not a choice btw) has ruined my life. Yes, life it what you make of it. But being gay just has eaten at me like a cancer. Pursuit of happiness that never comes. Every single guy I have ever dated has lied or cheated. My life would have been so different and more meaningful if I was straight.
Being straight comes with it’s own drama, women and men are equally to blame for the gap between sexes. But I do agree being gay does suck. I’ve been gay since I was 12, and I’m 21 now. I’ve dealt with the emotional stress of being different and trying to understand why I’m attracted to men. With my experience, I don’t picture myself ever being happy and satisfied with guys. The only thing that can assure me of my attraction is my lust for gay porn. But as I get older, I being to see how shallow and unsatisfying it really is. I see gay people at my school, I hear about all this pride crap, and I think of it as one big meat market. All we guys look for in each other is physical attraction. That’s what I look for even though I want a meaningful relationship. And that is what other guys look for in me.
I cringe a little inside every time I call myself “gay.” I hate that stupid rainbow the gay and lesbian community uses to represent myself. I can feel something wrong with my way of life, and if I pursue it, I feel I’ll wind up in dissatisfaction. All the gay people I see seem to have some emotional disturbance that could be the root of why they are the way they are. I myself have recently developed a new hypothesis of why I’m gay. I grew up in an environment where I learned to hate myself for being a tall boy. Boys were considered rowdy and bad at my school. Shorter kids would make fun of me for being tall (which made me different). I always felt guilty for being boy, and I secretly wished I was a girl to hide myself. To top it off, I was never athletic, I didn’t give a damn about sports. That created a huge gap between me and other boys at school. As I got older, I would identify with girls more, until I was practically an outsider in middle and high school.
To me, embracing my homosexuality is embracing the fact I was wounded as a child. It’s saying I’m proud of the fact that I grew up hating myself as a boy, and that I liked feeling insecure around other guys. And if this pattern remotely holds with other gay men, I don’t see homosexuality as healthy, I see it as degenerative.
“To me, embracing my homosexuality is embracing the fact I was wounded as a child. It’s saying I’m proud of the fact that I grew up hating myself as a boy, and that I liked feeling insecure around other guys. And if this pattern remotely holds with other gay men, I don’t see homosexuality as healthy, I see it as degenerative.”
As depressing and self-loathing as that sounds, I have to agree with TA. I struggle with my homosexuality daily, and although I’ve reached a certain level of self-acceptance, this statement sums up how I feel about being gay. My childhood experience was similar. I was “the fat kid” who got teased by the boys, and who found solidarity with the girls. I identified with girls and their emotions, and was generally repulsed by boys. In a sense, being attracted to and wanting sexual intercourse with other males is a way of getting the male peer acceptance I never received as a child. It’s ultimately a very degrading and humiliating way to get “approval” or “love” but I honestly believe that most gay men feel this way.
I don’t think that I crave male attention I didn’t receive. But when I was younger I did feel uncomfortable around other guys and I have a different feeling with girls like I am soo much more comfortable. To be honest i Hate feeling the way I feel it makes me sick. And the whole gay pride thing makes me uncomfortable too like I don’t want to rep the whole rainbow pride thing it’s kind of weird to me. I’ve only told one person and I never actually literally said those 3 words she said them for me nut anyway it didn’t make me feel any better about myself I thought it’d be this big release but in reality it jus makes me feel weird that someone else knows besides myself. Anyway being gay does suck and I wish I were just like the rest of my friends that are gonna grow up and have fairytale weddings and have beautiful children that look Like both of their parents not just one of them. Like having some doner or surrogates eyes but having one of their fathers noses… I just want a normal life and have that happy American dream but I doubt that will ever happen.
Thanks to everyone for sharing their heart. Once again, my goal here isn’t to make judgments, but to create an open dialogue and there has been some great honest discussion.
I’ll be praying for the guys and gals that read this and if life change is something you are seeking then I hope you find a way to make that happen with some of the information here.
Wow. I personally struggled with my sexuality probably from the time I was about 12 years old. Of course, I didn’t identify as being gay at 12 years old, I just knew I was different. I never liked guys the way my friends did, and to this day, the thought of being intimate with one is quite revolting. I was raised in a religious home, and I am a Christian. My parents believe and preached agianst it my whole life (I believe now they knew, and were trying to deter me) It took many years of me praying and begging God to take away for me to finally be at peace with who I am, and the fact that God created me, and loves me no matter what. The hardest thing about being gay for me is the relationship I have with my family. I know they love me, and they would do anything for me, but since I’ve come out to them, especially to my parents, the whole dynamic of my relationship with them has changed. I believe they live in constant fear of my going to hell, and I feel it every time I am around them, it’s like silent judgement. I’m lucky in that I have alot of friends, and a whole community and a God that loves me for who I am, and inspite of myself. I have had the opportunity to choose my own family,a nd although I will alwyas love and cherish mine, I’m afraid the old bonds we had will never be quite the same. The part that sucks about being gay for me, is that I can’t share my whole life with my family, my blodd family – I mean. But I’m truly blessed to have people in my life that love me and that I can turn to.
As far as the rainbow, and pride thing and all that, yeah, kind of cheesy, i always say – straight people don’t go around waiving flags or putting bumper stickers on their car proclaiming they are straight, why do we insist on it; however, I get it – it’s a way of bringing the community together, and hopefully will show some of those out there that they are not alone.
Eddo, I believe, from your first stated facts that while gay teens are expecially susceptible to substance abuse, suicide, etc…these are true facts/statement – but I believe it’s true becasue there are not many healthy, safe, secure, positive places for a teen struggling with their sexuality to turn to. Think about it – when you were growing, had you struggled with this – who would you ahve turned to? Your dad? Your mom? Your Pastor? Even your best friend? Who? It leaves you with God, Who is more than enough – but when you beg Him to change you,and He doesn’t – then what do you do?
I am a licensed professional counselor in the state of Texas, and must take issue with statements made here to the effect that LGBT individuals require counseling solely to try to effect change in their sexual orientation.
My clients include a variety of people with many issues, sometimes they include the individual’s sexual orientation. I find that LGBT clients’ issues reflect those of other clients, except, occasionally, their sexual orientation. In a nutshell, the American Psychological Association considers it unethical for a professional to attempt to change an individual’s sexual orientation for any reason. The longer explanation of the APA’s stand on the issue is as follows.
Resolution on Appropriate Affirmative Responses to Sexual Orientation Distress and Change Efforts
Research Summary
The longstanding consensus of the behavioral and social sciences and the health and mental health professions is that homosexuality per se is a normal and positive variation of human sexual orientation (Bell, Weinberg & Hammersmith, 1981; Bullough, 1976; Ford & Beach 1951 ; Kinsey, Pomeroy, & Martin, 1948; Kinsey, Pomeroy, Martin, & Gebhard, 1953 ). Homosexuality per se is not a mental disorder (APA, 1975). Since 1974, the American Psychological Association (APA) has opposed stigma, prejudice, discrimination, and violence on the basis of sexual orientation and has taken a leadership role in supporting the equal rights of lesbian, gay, and bisexual individuals (APA, 2005).
APA is concerned about ongoing efforts to mischaracterize homosexuality and promote the notion that sexual orientation can be changed and about the resurgence of sexual orientation change efforts (SOCE)1. SOCE has been controversial due to tensions between the values held by some faith-based organizations, on the one hand, and those held by lesbian, gay and bisexual rights organizations and professional and scientific organizations, on the other (Drescher, 2003; Drescher & Zucker, 2006). Some individuals and groups have promoted the idea of homosexuality as symptomatic of developmental defects or spiritual and moral failings and have argued that SOCE, including psychotherapy and religious efforts, could alter homosexual feelings and behaviors (Drescher & Zucker, 2006; Morrow & Beckstead, 2004). Many of these individuals and groups appeared to be embedded within the larger context of conservative religious political movements that have supported the stigmatization of homosexuality on political or religious grounds (Drescher, 2003; Southern Poverty Law Center, 2005; Drescher & Zucker, 2006). Psychology, as a science, and various faith traditions, as theological systems, can acknowledge and respect their profoundly different methodological and philosophical viewpoints. The APA concludes that psychology must rely on proven methods of scientific inquiry based on empirical data, on which hypotheses and propositions are confirmed or disconfirmed, as the basis to explore and understand human behavior (APA, 2008a; 2008b).
In response to these concerns, APA appointed the Task Force on Appropriate Therapeutic Responses to Sexual Orientation to review the available research on SOCE and to provide recommendations to the Association. The Task Force reached the following findings.
Recent studies of participants in SOCE identify a population of individuals who experience serious distress related to same sex sexual attractions. Most of these participants are Caucasian males who report that their religion is extremely important to them ( Beckstead & Morrow, 2004; Nicolosi, Byrd, & Potts, 2000; Schaeffer, Hyde, Kroencke, McCormick, & Nottebaum, 2000; Shidlo & Schroeder, 2002, Spitzer, 2003). These individuals report having pursued a variety of religious and secular efforts intended to help them to change their sexual orientation. To date, the research has not fully addressed age, gender, gender identity, race, ethnicity, culture, national origin, disability, language, and socioeconomic status in the population of distressed individuals.
There are no studies of adequate scientific rigor to conclude whether or not recent SOCE do or do not work to change a person’s sexual orientation. Scientifically rigorous older work in this area (e.g., Birk, Huddleston, Miller, & Cohler, 1971; James, 1978; McConaghy, 1969, 1976; McConaghy, Proctor, & Barr, 1972; Tanner, 1974, 1975) found that s exual orientation (i.e., erotic attractions and sexual arousal oriented to one sex or the other, or both) was unlikely to change due to efforts designed for this purpose. Some individuals appeared to learn how to ignore or limit their attractions. However, this was much less likely to be true for people whose sexual attractions were initially limited to people of the same sex.
Although sound data on the safety of SOCE are extremely limited, some individuals reported being harmed by SOCE. Distress and depression were exacerbated. Belief in the hope of sexual orientation change followed by the failure of the treatment was identified as a significant cause of distress and negative self-image (Beckstead & Morrow, 2004; Shidlo & Schroeder, 2002).
Although there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation, some individuals modified their sexual orientation identity (i.e., group membership and affiliation), behavior, and values (Nicolosi, Byrd, & Potts, 2000). They did so in a variety of ways and with varied and unpredictable outcomes, some of which were temporary (Beckstead & Morrow, 2004; Shidlo & Schroeder, 2002). Based on the available data, additional claims about the meaning of those outcomes are scientifically unsupported.
On the basis of the Task Force’s findings, the APA encourages mental health professionals to provide assistance to those who seek sexual orientation change by utilizing affirmative multiculturally competent (Bartoli & Gillem, 2008; Brown, 2006) and client-centered approaches (e.g., Beckstead & Israel, 2007; Glassgold, 2008; Haldeman, 2004; Lasser & Gottlieb, 2004) that recognize the negative impact of social stigma on sexual minorities 2 (Herek, 2009; Herek & Garnets, 2007) and balance ethical principles of beneficence and nonmaleficence, justice, and respect for people’s rights and dignity (APA, 1998, 2002; Davison, 1976; Haldeman, 2002; Schneider, Brown, & Glassgold, 2002).
Resolution
WHEREAS, The American Psychological Association expressly opposes prejudice (defined broadly) and discrimination based on age, gender, gender identity, race, ethnicity, culture, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, disability, language, or socioeconomic status (American Psychological Association, 1998, 2000, 2002, 2003, 2005, 2006, 2008b);
WHEREAS, The American Psychological Association takes a leadership role in opposing prejudice and discrimination (APA, 2008b, 2008c), including prejudice based on or derived from religion or spirituality, and encourages commensurate consideration of religion and spirituality as diversity variables (APA, 2008b);
WHEREAS, Psychologists respect human diversity including age, gender, gender identity, race, ethnicity, culture, national origin, religion, sexual orientation, disability, language, and socioeconomic status (APA, 2002) and psychologists strive to prevent bias from their own spiritual, religious, or non-religious beliefs from taking precedence over professional practice and standards or scientific findings in their work as psychologists (APA, 2008b);
WHEREAS, Psychologists are encouraged to recognize that it is outside the role and expertise of psychologists, as psychologists, to adjudicate religious or spiritual tenets, while also recognizing that psychologists can appropriately speak to the psychological implications of religious/spiritual beliefs or practices when relevant psychological findings about those implications exist (APA, 2008b);
WHEREAS, Those operating from religious/spiritual traditions are encouraged to recognize that it is outside their role and expertise to adjudicate empirical scientific issues in psychology, while also recognizing they can appropriately speak to theological implications of psychological science (APA, 2008b);
WHEREAS, The American Psychological Association encourages collaborative activities in pursuit of shared prosocial goals between psychologists and religious communities when such collaboration can be done in a mutually respectful manner that is consistent with psychologists’ professional and scientific roles (APA, 2008b);
WHEREAS, Societal ignorance and prejudice about a same-sex sexual orientation places some sexual minorities 2 at risk for seeking sexual orientation change due to personal, family, or religious conflicts, or lack of information (Beckstead & Morrow, 2004; Haldeman, 1994; Ponticelli, 1999; Shidlo & Schroeder, 2002; Wolkomir, 2001);
WHEREAS, Some mental health professionals advocate treatments based on the premise that homosexuality is a mental disorder (e.g., Nicolosi, 1991; Socarides, 1968);
WHEREAS, Sexual minority children and youth are especially vulnerable populations with unique developmental tasks (Perrin, 2002; Ryan & Futterman, 1997), who lack adequate legal protection from involuntary or coercive treatment (Arriola, 1998; Burack & Josephson, 2005; Molnar, 1997) and whose parents and guardians need accurate information to make informed decisions regarding their development and well-being (Cianciotto & Cahill, 2006; Ryan & Futterman, 1997); and
WHEREAS, Research has shown that family rejection is a predictor of negative outcomes (Remafedi, Farrow, & Deisher, 1991; Ryan, Huebner, Diaz, & Sanchez, 2009; Savin-Williams, 1994; Wilber, Ryan, & Marksamer, 2006) and that parental acceptance and school support are protective factors (D’Augelli, 2003; D’Augelli, Hershberger & Pilkington, 1998; Goodenow, Szalacha, & Westheimer, 2006; Savin-Williams, 1989) for sexual minority youth;
THEREFORE, BE IT RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association affirms that same-sex sexual and romantic attractions, feelings, and behaviors are normal and positive variations of human sexuality regardless of sexual orientation identity;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association reaffirms its position that homosexuality per se is not a mental disorder and opposes portrayals of sexual minority youths and adults as mentally ill due to their sexual orientation;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association concludes that there is insufficient evidence to support the use of psychological interventions to change sexual orientation;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association encourages mental health professionals to avoid misrepresenting the efficacy of sexual orientation change efforts by promoting or promising change in sexual orientation when providing assistance to individuals distressed by their own or others’ sexual orientation;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association concludes that the benefits reported by participants in sexual orientation change efforts can be gained through approaches that do not attempt to change sexual orientation;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association concludes that the emerging knowledge on affirmative multiculturally competent treatment provides a foundation for an appropriate evidence-based practice with children, adolescents and adults who are distressed by or seek to change their sexual orientation (Bartoli & Gillem, 2008; Brown, 2006; Martell, Safren & Prince, 2004; Ryan & Futterman, 1997; Norcross, 2002);
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association advises parents, guardians, young people, and their families to avoid sexual orientation change efforts that portray homosexuality as a mental illness or developmental disorder and to seek psychotherapy, social support and educational services that provide accurate information on sexual orientation and sexuality, increase family and school support, and reduce rejection of sexual minority youth;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association encourages practitioners to consider the ethical concerns outlined in the 1997 APA Resolution on Appropriate Therapeutic Response to Sexual Orientation (American Psychological Association, 1998), in particular the following standards and principles: scientific bases for professional judgments, benefit and harm, justice, and respect for people’s rights and dignity;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association encourages practitioners to be aware that age, gender, gender identity, race, ethnicity, culture, national origin, religion, disability, language, and socioeconomic status may interact with sexual stigma, and contribute to variations in sexual orientation identity development, expression, and experience;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association opposes the distortion and selective use of scientific data about homosexuality by individuals and organizations seeking to influence public policy and public opinion and will take a leadership role in responding to such distortions;
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association supports the dissemination of accurate scientific and professional information about sexual orientation in order to counteract bias that is based in lack of knowledge about sexual orientation; and
BE IT FURTHER RESOLVED, That the American Psychological Association encourages advocacy groups, elected officials, mental health professionals, policy makers, religious professionals and organizations, and other organizations to seek areas of collaboration that may promote the wellbeing of sexual minorities.
There is a simple prayer, originally untitled, which was written by Reinhold Niebuhr and is commonly known as the Serenity Prayer. It is used in many recovery programs including Alcoholics Anonymous and other twelve-step programs. The most often used form is as follows:
God, grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
the courage to change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.
As this prayer would suggest, qualified mental health professionals (QMHPs) work with their clients to help them to learn acceptance of many truths–of what is–including the fact that life is not always fair, and sometimes “sucks.”
For those who are LGBT, the rejection that they suffer from many sources oftentimes causes them to develop self-hatred or internalized homophobia and, thus, a feeling of being unable to be accepted by others or to accept themselves as they are.
An ethical QMHP is one who works to help clients: to accept their value as human beings without condition; to know what their individual needs and wants are, and the difference between them; and to embrace their worthiness to get their needs and wants met which then enables them to take the actions required to get their needs and wants met–knowing that they will, hopefully, have all their needs and some of their wants met.
As we all know, it is practically impossible for people to get everything they want in life. What has been instilled in LGBT persons who don’t know how to accept their sexual orientation is the same rejection that they have received and turned inward when they learn to hate or reject themselves.
It is the job of the ethical helping professional to support, encourage, and teach LGBT persons to accept themselves as they are and not to foster that self-rejection. Anyone who does the latter is behaving unethically and simply adding to the burden of LGBT individuals, lessening their chances for self-acceptance or contentment in their lives.
Many unscientific claims to the contrary abound; but that doesn’t make them true. People often attempt to fool others and/or themselves, but in the end, those who do that end up afraid, unhappy, and unfulfilled.
I’m “bi”, but I have to agree with EDDO. Most the “gay” men i have run into over my life are miserable. Very few of them are in stable relationships. The only ones that are maybe more screwed are the truely bisexual like myself. Who are even less in stable relationships. I would take a woman over a man in heart beat, but i have found that most women find gay and bi men (the thought of being with them sexually or for relationships) to be for the most part disgusting. I thus “attempt” to satisfy myself sexually with men which is like an advanced form of masturbation. I have to go to hookers to be with women. This brings up another point. Women i believe can be blamed for much of male homosexuality. Men need and want sex. Women..not so much. Some guys are super horny and get drawn into fantazing about men because its a much quicker and easier way to get sexually relieved and then they get addicted to it somewhat.
one other thing, this whole “coming out” thing is terribly flawed. Once you come out you are now expected to be gay now and forever. If you come out bi, your confused. Good luck getting a woman in your circle of friends, not gonna happen. You have to move away and start a new life. Its not the case in real life. People’s sexuality does change all the time. I’ve seen it. Why doesn’t the APA recognize this? You can’t label sexuality. Until society recongizes and male sexuality catches up with female sexuallity (where apparently its OK to be bi and still get guys if your a girl, as opposed to a bi guys wanting women who are just gay men in disguise) men with any homo inclininations are totally screwed. Thankfully, i won’t be on this disgusting planet forever.
This is such self-hating nonsense! Sexual orientation is the same as an eye color – a biologically determined characteristic. It’s like society telling a straight person they are a pervert their entire lives for having brown eyes. How would that make you feel?
This guy is a Larry Craig in the making.
DUDE YOU ROCK….I am gay and I agree with every word you said for real!!
Living with the idea that being gay is fate you must endure, is such a romanticized weak existence! take control of your life and lets figure out why we are gay and vanquish it
Don’t take other peoples easy pass, they dont give a shit about you, they literally don’t care about you!…itsn’t society that is giving you a hard time, its your instincts and the truth within u
If you are gay listen to me, there is so much more benifit to thieves and liars for you to succumb to the lie which is the gay identity…
If you don’t believe me, i guess you’ll just have to see for your self then go ahead.
the only reason the gay teens are in higher danger of alcoholism ,drug abuse and ”risky behaviour” is because the frikkn society is telling us everything we feel is wrong.
i can`t stand ppl like u,because of u some gay teens are bullied into suicide or are miserably unhappy,how dare u say all this crap???
i knew i was ”different” from very young age,i didin`t know what it was called.i was BORN gay,and many ppl are,if not all,many are bi.
it`s creeps like u who make our lives miserable.
u frikkn moron.ignorance really CAN be deadly
and YES they must teach young kids at school gay is ok so they don`t become bigoted assholes like u making some ppl lives unberable just for whom they love.
motherfucker
i hate ppl who hide behind shit like ”research”
what frikkn research???
even animals are gay,a lot of them.u frikkn moron.
STOP HARRASING GAY PPL>!!!!!!!!
let us fukn be.
dirtbag
oh wow u are sooo right,cause i can`t imagine what a moron u have to be to tell this crap to a teenager while being 40 years old or smt like that,i mean don`t u know how unstable and fragile teenagers are,i am a very balanced and self-reliant person whom nobody can brainwash cause i see others as just equal ppl like myself,but when i was 16-19 i felt a HUGE desire to be loved ,to have friends and to be accepted.the last thing i needed was someone to tell me i was sick or weird,and that someone to be an adult is fucked up.
oh lord,the majority of ppl truly are morons.
the only ppl qualified to talk about sexuality are mental helth care pros indeed
Good luck, Hany. Unfortunately for you, “thieves and liars” are come in equal numbers on both sides of the fence, straight and gay. Your qualms with the “gay community” probably have to do with your own feelings of rejection and sexual inadequacy. Here’s a life lesson for you: you can build up one hell of a crazy world view trying to rationalize your emotions, but that’s only going to lead to more pain and more resentment.
I have to say that even though I do try to keep an open mind about most things, some of the information posted here is disturbing. I don’t claim to know or understand why people are gay, but I know that it can’t be acurate to make heterosexuality into a deified state, and then compair some of the most miserable examples of homosexuals up against it. Because, lets face it, no one can be perfectly happy all the time. And another inaccuracy is that unless you live in a huge metropolotin city; no, there is not this overwhelming support and acceptance for gay people. That’s why if there was such a pill that someone could take to become straight, it wouldn’t be taken for the sake of being straight, it would be taken because it’s easier to be straight.
In other words, it’s easier to go through life if you can fit the image of the ideal person. So, if you can be so lucky to be the: male, straight, young, white, muscular athlete; or the female, straight, young, white, thin model. Then people will go out of their way to do for you. But, people who don’t fit the mold tend to have more and more difficulty.
My final point is that America is bombarded with the Hollywood gay. The Hollywood Gay does not, nor can not represent every gay person in America, nor does it come remotly close. However, the Hollywood Gay is unfortunetly who America expects every gay person to be.
As for the claim that gay men go through some kind of therapy and end up with straight women, and are still gay. I can not speak for these personal stories, but I know I can say that I’ve seen the other side of this. And straight women have lives and feelings and, Oh yeah, they’re people too! And I’ve seen the devistation of finding out that a friend’s husband is gay, and the divorce that followed.
I refuse to feel inadequate, or “sick”, or if I’m missing out on life because my sexual orientation isn’t that of the majority. The battle I face is not with myself and my sexual orientation, it’s with the society that does not grant me and my girlfriend the same rights as straight couples. I am a mentally and physically healthy consenting adult who is in a healthy, loving relationship. I will not stop pushing for equal rights. Just because being straight is a societal norm does not mean that it is or should be the absolute rule. There is not a day where I wake up and do not love who I am. I am a diverse individual. My sexuality does not define me, being gay does not define me, just as being straight does not define anyone either. I am not struggling against myself, i struggle against a society that try’s to tell me how I live my means I am not allowed to have the same rights as the straight population.