Don’t Believe Them… It Sucks Being Gay.

Yesterday I finished reading My Friend Leonard by James Frey. Leonard is this tough man who is head of a large criminal organization (read: Mafia). He’s rich, he’s powerful and he lives his entire life hiding the fact that he is homosexual. At the end of the book Leonard takes his own life with a bottle of pills. He has full blown AIDS and his body is rotting away filled with sores. He was this great man who was full of life and loved people. In the story you can’t help but love Leonard. He is the kind of guy you want for a father, a mentor and a friend. At the end of the book when you find out he has AIDS it isn’t a surprise because James told us that Leonard died of AIDS in his first book, A Million Little Pieces. Stories about real life are the best because they allow us to see that everyone around us is human. We all hurt, we all need, we all have secrets and vices, addictions and wants. We are sometimes so desperate to just be loved and to feel needed that we will give up everything, even our life, just to find it.

Living your life in hiding or believing that you are a certain way that you cannot change is horrific. Our society makes allowances for just about everything. If you don’t like your nose you can surgically change it. If your breasts are too small you can get implants. Men start to lose their hair and we invent Rogaine and Propecia and if that doesn’t work you can have a hair transplant at the Bosley Clinic or you can become a member of the Hair Club for Men. If you look around we are a society that cannot be denied any of our wants or desires - unless we no longer want to be homosexual.

What is interesting to note, however, is that men who are Gay are told to just accept it. To just believe that is the way you were born. Embrace it. There are a number of reasons as to why someone might be gay, but because we are a homophobic society no one is sharing it.

There is very little understanding about human sexuality. How and why we are attracted to something is like trying to understand the phenomenom that is electricity or why Venus spins backward. I’ve been attracted to so many things that I don’t understand it, It’s disgusting and shameful, but that doesn’t mean at the time it didn’t turn me on. When it comes to eroticism it feels natural because it feels good, it doesn’t mean that it is right or that it isn’t destructive.

I’m not here to debate whether people are born homosexual or gay or lesbian. I’m here to say that there are people who find themselves attracted to the same sex who don’t desire to be. The above post card is from www.postsecret.blogspot.com . I’ve seen others that are similar and even one that said, “If there was a cure for homosexuality I’d be the first in line.”

The interesting thing to note is that I have never once heard of a straight individual wishing that they were gay. You never hear someone say, “Man, I hate being straight!”

There are organizations that have been formed by people who have been gay and have turned their lives around and have led healthy heterosexual lives. Some might argue that they are merely lying to themselves, but maybe they are finally telling themselves the truth? Why is that so hard to grasp?

Male sexuality is such that we can be attracted to almost anything. If we sexually fantasize about a tire or a dresser we can literally be turned on and aroused by a tire or a dresser. Our brains are wired such that when we see something, before our brain even tells us what it is, it is scanned for sex and reproduction. )(Personally, I think God made us this way because if he didn’t guys would just play sports all day and build things.)

I think most people don’t want to talk about homosexuality because there is so much about it that is unknown. For straight guys it is a taboo topic, and for gay men they’ve had no one to turn to most of their lives and even though society has become more accepting they are still unhappy with themselves.

As a mentor, I’ve known a few kids that have struggled with homosexuality. Recently, I had a relative divulge that they were in a same sex relationship and I have friends who are gay and so once again I don’t want to argue anything about whether or not someone is born gay, I just want to present the facts.

http://www.peoplecanchange.com/ has some interesting information about change. Many people think it is only religious or Christians who want to change, this isn’t true.

And here is some information from www.narth.com :

The Three Myths
About Homosexuality

Myth #1

Homosexuality is normal and biologically determined.

The truth…

There is no scientific research indicating a biological or genetic cause for homosexuality. Biological factors may play a role in the predisposition to homosexuality. However, this is true of many other psychological conditions.

Research suggests that social and psychological factors are strongly influential. Examples include problems in early family relationships, sexual seduction, and sense of inadequacy with same-sex peers, with resulting disturbance in gender identity. Society can also influence a sexually questioning youth when it encourages gay self-labeling.

Myth #2

Homosexuals cannot change, and if they try, they will suffer great emotional distress and become suicidal. Therefore, treatment to change homosexuality must be stopped.

The truth…

Psychotherapists around the world who treat homosexuals report that significant numbers of their clients have experienced substantial healing. Change has come through psychological therapy, spirituality, and ex-gay support groups. Whether leading married or committed celibate lives, many report that their homosexual feelings have diminished greatly, and do not trouble them as much as they had in the past.

The keys to change are desire, persistence, and a willingness to investigate the conscious and unconscious conflicts from which the condition originated. Change comes slowly, usually over several years. Clients learn how to meet their needs for same-sex nurturance and affirmation without eroticizing the relationship. As they grow into their heterosexual potential, men and women typically experience a deeper and fuller sense of themselves as male or female.

If some homosexuals do not wish to change, that is their choice, yet it is profoundly sad that gay-rights activists struggle against the right-to-treatment for other homosexuals who yearn for freedom from their attractions.

Myth #3

We must teach our children that homosexuality is as normal and healthy as heterosexuality. Teenagers should be encouraged to celebrate their same-sex attractions.

The truth…

Scientific research supports age-old cultural norms that homosexuality is not a healthy, natural alternative to heterosexuality. Research shows that gay teens are especially vulnerable to substance abuse and early, high-risk sexual behavior. It does far more harm than good to tell a teenager that his or her attractions toward members of the same sex are normal and desirable. Teens in this position need understanding and counseling, not a push in the direction of a potentially deadly lifestyle.

A 1992 study in Pediatrics found that 25.9% of 12-year-olds are uncertain if they are gay or straight. The teen years are critical to the question of self-labeling, so the facts must be presented in our schools in a fair and balanced manner.

What is most important in life is that you find peace with who you are and to be yourself. Don’t allow the world to tell you what you should or shouldn’t be. And when you lay your head on your pillow at night and you only have your thoughts to keep you occupied ask yourself if are you truly happy with who you are and who you have become.