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Relationships Stories

Saying something by saying nothing

Recently I invited Cody Miller to come to my house for a SuperBowl party. He couldn’t make it and when he texted me that he couldn’t make it because he was studying I was disappointed. I wanted to respond with “Whatever” or some other comment and then I even thought for a second, “I just won’t respond at all that will teach him.” I did neither.

You see, Cody is one of the few people I know that thinks of himself last. He is currently going to school full time and studying like a mad man in order to pass tests. Even in doing this he is not being selfish. His motivation is not solely for himself, but for his wife and their future. I miss him, but I understand that what he is doing takes serious dedication and sacrifice and I am very proud of him for it.

So instead of reacting selfishly to his text message I responded the way a mature adult should respond, “Okay, good luck, I will miss you.” Cody wasn’t guilted into coming to my party and I felt good about myself for being mature when I wanted to be a petulant baby.

I also recently interviewed for an assitant manager role in the Help Desk here at TI. I thought I was the best candidate for the job and when the manager told me I didn’t get the job I was upset. Later that week I got an email from him requesting that people that used to work in the helpdesk come in and help out while some of the analysts were at a teaming event. My first instinct was to not respond in an effort to “punish” him for not hiring me for the job. Immediately I realized this was an immature decision. I emailed him and said “I would be delighted to help out” and in reality I would be. I wouldn’t have been punishing him but the analysts that work there in the help desk.

Communicating how I feel is difficult, especially face to face. My entire life has been a series of avoided confrontations. Indirectly trying to hurt someone is not fair to them or to yourself.

I’m still working on improving who I am as a person. Not a day goes by that I don’t live with regret for things done in the past, but I can’t change that, I can, however, change the future.

Take a moment and evalaute your relationships. Where are they at? Is there something you are doing indirectly to hurt someone? Are you avoiding a situation that you don’t want to deal with? These things only lead to stress and shame and in the long run – everyone loses.

Saying something by saying nothing only says that you are immature. So say something.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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