Prayer, Magical Thinking, Willing it to Stop, Taking handfuls of prescription strength pain meds

The title references things I have done to make my back stop hurting – but it still hurts like a banshee.

I slept last night rather well and when I woke up to go pee I didn’t have much pain. I almost thought I could go in to work today and then after a few steps around the house the pain awakened inside my spine and sciatic nerve like a demon spawn. I can feel it kicking and scratcihng and tearing away at my insides. It snakes its way down my spine to my kidneys and down the side of my right leg. If I am still, it goes to sleep, but it doesn’t like it when I get up or when I try to sit back down.

I am scared to go to a chiropractor or a doctor. I am afraid of what they might say. I will not accept the fact that something is seriously wrong, this is something that will go away as long as I am determined to just make it go away.

And the pain, the pain is such that it has left me focused on nothing else. My house is dirty, who cares, I can barely put on socks or underwear without screaming out in pain, the house and chores can wait. Fortunately, I can sit at this computer and type away with little pain. I have homework to do and so I can work on it and I can read blogs. Daytime television is so boring that it will make me want to commit suicide and so I don’t even bother with that. My buddy Joe told me about a book I should read called “The ABS Diet”, but I haven’t taken the time to go to Barnes and Noble to take a look at it and I am trying to keep my walking to a minimum since I look like I am disabled when I walk, especially when I have a shooting pain and I sort of buckle midstep.

On the upside, the weather has been great and so I slept with my windows open last night. It rained here in Plano and so I slept so peacefully. My neighborhood was as quiet as a tomb until the rain started to fall. There was thunder and it sounded so powerful and strong that I remember thinking that there must be a God and he sure is amazing. Then I drifted off to sleep lying in a mummified position wishing that this same God would remove the demon that has possessed my spine.