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Relationships

Um… you already had your turn…

I was at a party recently that was all singles and a few parents and a few newlyweds. Newlyweds, if you met in our singles group and got married, what are you doing coming back to our singles parties? Everyone hates you. It’s like you won the lotto and you are rubbing it in our faces. “How is married life?” one girl asks as if she really wants to know. “It’s so great, Bill is so wonderful…” We smile but in our heads we are thinking, “Die you lucky &*#$@”. 

Once you are married you have to find new groups of friends to hang out with, they are called other married couples. You can still hang out with single friends as a couple, you just can’t come to our single people parties because we are doing single people stuff, like swilling egg nog and making mental checklists: nice boobs smart, good hair, pretty smile, psycho laugh… three out of four ain’t bad.

At the party there is this one single guy there and he seems really nice, but he has his kids with him – 3 of them. Is it so wrong of me to want him to leave? I mean, didn’t he already have a shot at love?  Part of me is joking because that is selfish, but part of me is serious because it is true, divorced people already had the wedding, the cake, the honeymoon and all the sex.

I remember when I was younger there was this one kid on the block who had a really sweet Go Kart. We would all take turns riding it and there were always those kids that would hog the Kart. They would cut in line and they would shove you out of the way when it was your turn. I feel like that now when I am at a singles party and married or divorced people show up – they already had their turn on the Go Kart, step aside please.

Divorced or not, this Holiday season I hope everyone has someone to love or at least someone that loves them.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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