For the last time, I’m NOT A TEDDY BEAR! GRRRRRR!

One night I was at Babe’s Chicken shack in Sanger having dinner and the waitress came over and said, “Hey, can I just give you a hug?” And of course I was like, “Sure!” Then later she came over and hugged me again, she said I just looked huggable. 

Last week I was at Texas Hamburger factory and this dude seemed to be enamored with how huge I was and he kept on telling me how big I was and then he acted like we were best buds. I’m cool with it and getting used to people making a big deal out of my size, but as we left the restaurant he said, “Were you going to leave without saying goodbye?” And so I went in for the handshake and came out with a big hug.

The next day I was at Men’s Wearhouse getting fitted for a tux and this guy kept grabbing my arm and saying what big arms I had.

Today at lunch, this girl asked me how big I was and when I told her she said, “You are just a big teddy bear.” I almost threw up.

I don’t want to be a teddy bear, I feel more like a grizzly bear, or maybe an angry Kodiak bear, but not a teddy bear.  The strange thing is I don’t even have to say anything and people just come out of their way to hug on me or grab me or poke me or buy me drinks… I don’t understand it. I don’t exactly hate the attention, but sometimes I have to admit it is embarrassing. When you are working out at the gym and people come up to you and say, “You are huge” or “Do you have any workout tips?” It boosts the ego, but then the rest of the time I am at the gym I feel like they are watching me and I can’t just relax.

So men, if you are reading this and you hardly know me, let’s just stick with the handshake, and women, feel free to hug on me all you want, especially if you are single.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

13 replies on “For the last time, I’m NOT A TEDDY BEAR! GRRRRRR!”

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