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Something funny from my favorite author

QUESTION: Are you right or left-handed. I’ve heard that people who are left-handed (as I am) think differently from those that are right-handed.

ANSWER: Julia, I am right-handed, which would be all right except that I am one of those rare right-handed people who suffers from solodexterous ignoratio, a condition in which the right hand never knows what the left hand is doing. My right hand can be penning a love letter while my left hand is strangling an innocent passerby. My right hand can be sincerely waving bye-bye, while my left hand is making the most viciously obscene gestures, and my right hand remains blissfully clueless of what is transpiring only five fingers away. While engaged in a friendly shake with a new acquaintance, my right hand proceeds utterly unaware that my left hand is trying to gouge out this person’s eyes, thus the right hand is surprised and its feelings are hurt when the new acquaintance, for no reason apparent to the right hand, tries to crush its bones. Conversely, my left hand always knows what my right is doing, but that is another story.

Dean Koontz

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