Categories
Uncategorized

Eddo’s Eleven

If you’ve seen the movie Ocean’s Eleven then you know that Danny Ocean wanted to rob a casino. In order to do that he needed to surround himself with 11 people that would help him get the job done. So I decided to list here my 11 people that if I needed to rob a Casino, which of my friends would I call and why.

1. Alan Meadows – a.k.a The Brain – he not only looks as innocent as a freshly scrubbed choir boy, he is also about as brilliant as Albert Einsten. Oh, and did I mention he can fly planes? This will be necessary when we need to get out of the country – fast.

2. David Cribbs – a.k.a RoboGeek -Teaching Physics by day you’d never suspect that he has a degree in Astro Physics. His class also has a robotics project and a robot could come in handy when it’s time to detonate explosives.

3. Jimmy McWhinney – a.ka. Sidewinder – he is a missionary in Shang Hai, but when he isn’t converting the Chinese he is usually doing something on his computer. He won’t admit to it, but I’m sure he has hacked his way into the Pentagon’s computer on more than one occasion.

4. Joe Bruner – a.k.a MuscleNeck– I need someone to carry all the cash and Joe is great for heavy lifting and organization. A great leader and planner he would help me strategize how to get the money from the casino to Cuba.

5. Braun Smith – a.k.a ChaChing – He’s worked for Nascar for years and with those kind of connections we would have no trouble getting some souped up get-away cars. Braun also used to work for a bank and so he could help us get accounts setup in foreign countries.

6. Jonathan Dumas – a.k.a Handsy -Dumas will be our “transporter” and the driver of the main car carrying the cash. In another lifetime I am sure he was a racecar driver.

7. Chris Wilson – a.ka. The Mouth – He’s a smooth talker. If we need someone to let us have access to some area that were not supposed to have access to, Chris will get us in.

8. Jessica Ferris – a.ka. Distractica -The ultimate distraction. If we’re not using pyrotechnics to distract people we know that Jessica will figure out a way. Her website alone is the reason that the US’s GDP is on the constant decline.

9. Katie Smith a.k.a Pirranah– Beneath that sweet exterior lies a very diabolical mind. She will play devil’s advocate and help us see through any holes in our plan. Katie is also very good at organizing with a firm hand – just ask the other office girls and kids at Kanakuk Kamp.

10. Cody Miller – a.k.a Big Red – Although it would be compromising to his job as a fireman, after taking his share of the money he would no longer need to be loyal to his job. We would definitely need someone with medical expertise in case someone gets hurt or shot while everything is going down. He could also assist with driving anything that requires a CDL license and when planning a large heist, you never know when you are going to need a CDL.

11. Scott Sargeant – a.k.a C4 – As a marine he will be our demolitions expert as well as our hand-to-hand combat expert.

Also, if you are an FBI agent or member of the government please note that this isn’t a real list of people who are planning a casion heist. It is all hypothetical. I repeat, hypothetical.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *