The other day I was at church and a friend of mine’s dad wants me to help one of their friends with a website. He had called me earlier in the week and asked when I would be free. I responded with “Let me check my calendar and tell you on Sunday night.” So he found me on Sunday night after the Christmas concert at church and this is how the conversation went.
“Hey Mr. Friend’s Dad”
“Hi, Eddie, did you find out when you would be free this week?”
“Well, I looked at my calendar and I am booked all week, probably because I am so popular.”
Ouch. But probably deserved because it’s true. I am a little arrogant at times and here is the reason.
When I was little I wasn’t popular or cool. I was chubby with a high voice and as sensitive as a set of testicles. The slightest kick to my self-esteem could send me into tears. Over time I learned to protect myself by being quick-witted and sharp-tongued. As I got older I had to defend myself less and less because I turned into this 6’5″ 300 pound beast that could frighten pretty much anyone. I quickly learned to transform my wit into humor and less vindictive comebacks and sarcasm and I learned that humor is the best defense in any situation. Unfortunately, the ability to make people laugh on demand can make you over-confident and arrogant.
The truth of the matter is, my over confidence is really false confidence. I pour on a thick layer of bull so that people believe I think I am all that and pretty soon even I start to believe it. False confidence is an extremely powerful thing. Jobs have been acquired with false confidence. Wars have been won with false confidence. Women have been swooned and caught with false confidence. So maybe it’s not such a bad thing?
So yeah, in reality I no longer have low self-esteem, but the residue remains and sometimes I open my mouth and say things I don’t really mean in an attempt to diffuse a situation or just because I don’t know when to shut up.
So don’t hate me because I am arrogant, hate me because I am beautiful, and talented, and I can sing, and dance, and build cool web designs, and because I am funny. Yeah, hate me for all those reasons.