Last night I was sitting on my couch and for some reason, even though I have never smoked, I wanted a cigarette. I was watching 30 Rock and laughing and for some reason I wanted to smoke. I wanted to feel that relieved feeling you might get from inhaling a vasoconstictor or taking codeine. Also all this talk of chest surgery has made me contemplate just getting a full upper body tattoo that would draw the attention away from my chest and instead to the really cool tattoo of a chinese dragon that started on my chest and then wrapped around my back and then came to the front of my torso. Of course there would be some additional Chinese script that said something like, “BACK UP OUT OF MY FACE BECAUSE I AM A FREAKING BAD ASS!!!” Or it might say Shrimp Fried Rice, but who cares, it would look cool.
The idea of smoking and getting tattoos made me think that I needed to add a third level to complete the corruption and my thoughts of course turned to alcohol. And then I wondered what I would look like shirtless, holding a bottle of Jack with a huge tattoo on my chest and a cigarette in my mouth. It was humorous because I would never do any of these things… at least not all at once.