Unlocking the Magic

I’m hopped up on Feldene or the generic of Feldene. I am anti-inflammed if that is a word. There is something delightfully wonderful about prescription drugs. It’s like getting legal marijuana or crack – especially if the drugs make you feel good.

In my life I have learned that I lack something that is very important to have in this life: self-discipline. When God was passing out gifts he thought it would be humorous to see what I would do without any self-control and so he didn’t give me any. I can picture him in Heaven holding his sides about to burst with laughter as he watches me gorge on platters of nachos and extra helpings of mashed potatoes smothered in cheese. He is probably shaking his head and saying, “Oh, my child Eddo, you know that is going to make your stomach hurt! I created you in my image and I do not look like a piggy!”

I think that if I hadn’t been raised to be a good christian boy then I would surely have been an alcoholic or a drug addict. I like to avoid problems the same way that I avoid port-a-potty’s and stupid people. I like to believe that they don’t exist and one of the best ways to escape reality is with something deliciously mind numbing and artificial.

I remember one time getting a bottle of codeine and thinking that it was the best stuff on the planet. Unfortunately, I seemed to build up a tolerance to it rather quickly and then I ran out and it wasn’t worth the hassle to get some more. I guess I should attribute some of my sobriety to sheer laziness. Why can’t I get all my illegal substances at a drive-thru?

“Hi, I’d like to get a 40 of Coors Light with 3 ounces of crack and a side of meth amphetamines please. “

“So that is a combo #7 correct?”

“Ummm… yeah… I guess it is.”

“Do you want to upsize that and get a side of shrooms and an extra Coors for 5 bucks more?”

Thank God is isn’t that easy or else you’d probably see me holding a sign in downtown Dallas that says, “Will work for DRUGS! Food.”

I know exactly what Paul was saying and feeling when he said this in Romans:

Rom 7:18 -21
I know I am rotten through and through
so far as my old sinful nature is concerned.
No matter which way I turn I can’t make myself do right.
I want to but I can’t.
When I want to do good, I don’t;
and when I try not to do wrong, I do it anyway.
Now if I am doing what I don’t want to, it is plain where the trouble is:
sin still has me in its evil grasp.
It seems to be a fact of life that when I want to do what is right,
I inevitably do what is wrong.

So in reality, God did give me self-discipline, but self-discipline is about as much fun as a pogo stick and so I don’t like to employ either. No pogo stick, no green peas and no calculus please. I don’t want to do anything that requires self-control. I want to shed my responsibility the way a snake sheds it’s skin, but I also want to live a happy and productive life and so I continue to read Romans to see what Paul has to say and he says this:

I love to do God’s will so far as my new nature is concerned;
but there is something else deep within me, in my lower nature,
that is at war with my mind and wins the fight
and makes me a slave to the sin that is still within me.
In my mind I want to be God’s willing servant,
but instead I find myself still enslaved to sin.
So you see how it is:
my new life tells me to do right,
but the old nature that is still inside me loves to sin.
Oh, what a terrible predicament I’m in!
Who will free me from my slavery to this deadly lower nature?
Thank God! It has been done by Jesus Christ our Lord.
He has set me free.

After reading this I realize that Christ is the real reason that I haven’t just given up and indulged in so many sinful pleasures. I am so weak. I give in to myself so often, but thankfully most of the time it is just a bag of Double-Stuff Oreos and a Gallon of Milk.