Rome was not built in a day, but that is because my upstairs neighbor was not contracted to do the job. I cannot figure out what anyone could possibly be doing in their apartment that could be so noisy and that must start at the PRECISE time that I decide to go to bed.
I’ve succumbed to sipping vanilla flavored Tylenol PM in at least 30 minutes before I go to bed. It is suprisingly delicious if you put a couple cubes of ice in a crystal snifter and drink slowly. The vanilla undertones mixed with the medicinal overtones make for a nice oral medley that can be quite intoxicating.
I am not sure if it is the vanilla pm toddy or the fact that I am delusional from lack of sleep, but I have come up with some rather creative mental letters that I want to put to paper and leave on my neighbors door.
Welcome to Chase Oaks Villas. Are you enjoying your stay? It sure sounds like it. It seems that you are up at all hours of the night pacing about. Do you fret? Do you worry? Do you have trouble sleeping? If so, I know of a remedy that works wonders – it is called Vanilla flavored Tylenol PM. It is much better than the pill form of Tylenol PM and it doesn’t leave you feeling hungover in the morning if you take too much. How am I privy to this information? Well, ever since you moved in above me I have not been able to sleep. When you walk it sounds like you are trying to crush your way through the floor in an effort to see me. Or perhaps you think I have captured your fair-haired maiden and you want her back. Well, let me quiet your fears, it is only me down here and so there is no need to bust through the floor. Besides, that is an archair way of getting what you want. The best way is to use the front door and to come prepared with a baseball bat or golf club. These two devices can be very persuasive when dealing with annoying people – as you may soon find out.
Once again let me say Welcome to the neighborhood. I’d like to remind you that we are bound financially and contractually together for the next 8 months. I’d also like to inform you that I am emotionally unstable and that I tend to let things build up inside of me like a pressure cooker and then I tend to explode like a weapon of mass destruction. When that happens, you will want to hope and pray that you are not the target of my wrath.
Have a wonderful day and God Bless!
Apt. 1017 – (which has recently become the 7th level of hell)
Note: I saw King Kong two days ago for the first time. It seems that he may have a limp and that is why he walks so loud. I feel guilty for wanting to further mame him, but as I mentioned in my letter, I am an emotional sort and I think only of myself, especially when I am sleep deprived. Father forgive me, for I know what I do and I do it anyway.