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I’m on Edge…

My upstairs neighbor moved out last week. I never saw any movers, I just noticed that one day he was there and the very next day they were in his apartment cleaning it up and painting it. I kept hearing the low bass-like sound of the paint sprayer and it the constant repetitiveness was making me crazy. I almost went upstairs and griped about the noise he was making and then I realized, it wasn’t him making all the noise, it was the painters. Suddenly the noise was music to my ears because I no longer had to put up with my annoying upstairs neighbor. He wasn’t annoying most of the time, but on occasion I could hear his music blaring and one time I heard the entire Eminem album “Curtain Call”.

In less than 3 days a new neighbor moved in. I haven’t seen him/her yet, but judging by how loud they are when they walk, I can only assume that they are at least as big as Godzilla. Apparently Godzilla gets hungry after 10:30 becuase that is the time that he decides to start rooting about, for HOURS, trying to find something to eat. Things are being lifted, beds are being moved and dropped, something is being chased. I want my old less-annoying neighbor back. This new neighbor has me on edge and I am tempted to track down King Kong to inform him that his arch nemisis is living above me and that it is time for him to exterminate Godzilla once and for all.

The last 3 nights I have been awakened by my new neighbor and I have had to take Tylenol PM to go to sleep. I’m afraid that if this keeps up I will form an addiction, an addiction that will devour me the way starving pigs devour slop.

Tonight I plan on confronting my neighbor and asking them to keep it down, however, how do you tell someone to “please walk lighter!” what if they are really fat? What if they can’t help but walk like a two-ton beast? I think I will bring them a box of ding dongs as a “welcome to the neighborhood” gift and then say, “Oh, by the way, can you stop walking like a hippo after 10pm? Thanks.”

***

In other news…

Little Miss Sunshine was a disappointment. The movie is sort of a dark comedy, but it is mostly a perverted monstrosity of a movie that has only one redeeming quality – Olive. Olive is the little girl who is a gem and I guess if you could pull a moral from the story it might be that it is okay to be yourself and to be happy with who you are. Steve Carrell, as well as the other cast members give brilliant performances, but the over-all story is lacking in substance. This movie I think would appeal to the same audience that liked Sideways. I think that maybe some people can relate to these movies. They can understand the atrocities that happen in them because their own lives are a mirror to what is on the big screen, but my life isn’t like that. My life isn’t like that at all and I hope and pray to God that it never is.

Changing the subject once again…

I got my bloodwork results back from a life insurance physical I had recently. The good news is that I am HIV negative and Hepatitis C negative, but I am Triglycerides positive. “For adults, a normal level is considered to be less than 200 mg/dl (milligrams per deciliter). Levels from 200-400 mg/dL are considered borderline high.” My Triglycerides are 228 which isn’t too high, but since the little paper said “Abnormal” I panicked. “High levels of triglycerides may indicate liver disease (cirrhosis), an underactive thyroid problem, uncontrolled diabetes, an infection of the pancreas (pancreatitis), kidney disease, or a diet too low in protein and too high in carbohydrates.”

Fortunately, I have been working on eating less sugar for a while now. I don’t always win that battle, but it is something I am constantly aware of. I am also eating more greens and taking lots of fish oil every day. All of these things should improve my health and that is important to me. I hope that by the time I am 35 I am in better over-all health than I am now and that by the time I am in my 60’s I will be one of those old people that run or walk marathons on a weekly basis.

If you haven’t had your cholesterol checked, then it is important to do so. Do it for yourself and for the people you love.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

One reply on “I’m on Edge…”

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