Windows and Doors

My life has been like a multi-storied building. The years pass, but I don’t always change floors. Sometimes I change floors but don’t realize it, but other times, I can hear the sliding of the doors, the gentle woosh that lets me know that a stage of my life is over and it is time to move forward. This building is called Life and you can only go up, you can never go back down…

Over the weekend I spent the night with friends. New friends that I hardly know. A series of things happened and in those things I had an epiphany. I remember the word epiphany from my 12th grade English class. I can still hear Mrs. Kurdi’s voice as she says our vocabulary words out loud, “Sinecure, a well paid job with little or no responsibility. Epiphany, when something suddenly makes sense.” I remember these two definitions 12 years later as if I only heard them yesterday. The reason – because I wanted both so badly.

Perhaps I live in a fantasy world or maybe I have a flair for the dramatic, but I often find myself watching the world through a glass, like a window shopper, or a child holding a snow globe. I see the people, but I can’t touch them. I want to speak to them, but they can’t hear me. So instead, I sit back and I watch. I watch to see what will happen. Because right now I feel like I am still on an assembly line. Like maybe, maybe I am being assembled and put together a piece at a time and that soon I will be ready for the world. Ready for production. Ready to be put on display. One day, I won’t be on the outside looking in, but on the inside, looking out. Instead of me watching people, people will be watching me. I’ll be like a Norman Rockwell poster with my children and grandchildren all around me decorating a Christmas tree. We’ll be singing carols and eating cookies.

Over the weekend I heard the swooshing of doors. One was being closed behind me, but as I looked ahead, I saw many more open. I’m looking forward to the coming year.

I hope you enjoyed your holiday as much as I did.

Much Love.

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