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Strategic Thinking

Brain. Hurts. Can’t think. Strategically or otherwise.

Yesterday I attended a Strategic Thinking training class. It was given on-site here at TI and so I thought I would be surrounded with my own peers and people that I could relate to easily. How wrong I was. It didn’t take long for me to realize that I was the lone retard in a room full of Mensa candidates. Everyone around me seemed to effortlessly absorb all of the information that was given to us. Group tasks that were assigned to us had to be re-explained to me because I couldn’t grasp any of the concepts quick enough to be of any value to my team. (Insert picture of me with a deer in the headlights look here)

As the day progressed we switched tables and groups so that we were surrounded by a new set of people. I quickly deduced that these people were just as smart as the first group and that once again I was Tonto surrounded by a bunch of intelligent Lone Rangers. I should have been sent outside to watch the horses so that I would at least be of some value to my team. Me Tonto. I watch horse. You solve problem. I come back add comedic value later when problem solved.

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So now here I am with an assignment due this morning at 8:30 and I am not even sure I did it right because even after it was explained to me 3 different ways by 3 different people, I was still uncertain. I am one of those people that will nod my head and you will think that I am totally comprehending what you are telling me, but in reality I am clueless and distracted and I am thinking about your crazy big hands or the color of your eye-shadow or the fullness of your lips or the wildness of your hair. Every word you speak sounds like the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons WA WA WA WAWWHAA… While I “listen” to you I am mentally comparing you to all of the muppets and wondering if you look more like Animal or Gonzo or a combination thereof. “Say that again?” will be my response when you ask me, “Did you understand that?” of then I will look away from you and say, “Oh, yeah, totally!” And you will believe me because I have an honest face which unfortunately is not a reflection of my soul. (I’m so naughty.)

I took this class so that I could learn how to think strategically, however, all I have learned is that I am a huge doofus and I am only half as smart as I think I am. I have also learned that in order to retain any of my self esteem that I should immediately quit my job and start working at the State School so that I can once again feel like a genius.

I am back to class today for round two of Eddo vs. The Brains and I already know who the loser is going to be.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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