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Yes, 8 Months Pregnant Katherine Hygenist Lady, I realize that I have a gaping hole in my tooth…

But dental work is expensive and it hurts – two very good reasons to procrastinate. But I do appreciate you allowing me to rest my head on your expansive belly while you clean my teeth…

I haven’t had insurance in the last year. GASP! I know. How irresponsible of me. That is why I have stopped doing so many extreme sports like Alligator wrestling and one-legged log dancing – and you thought it was because I was lazy. Wrong. Last year I changed my benefits so I could make more money. I needed more money so I could buy a truck and if I gave up my benefits my pay would increase substantially. I planned on picking up some inexpensive coverage… someday… but that day never came. I was just ultra careful whenever I went outside and I prayed to God that he would keep me healthy until I got insurance coverage again. Thankfully, with my new position I have it.

So last Monday my insurance went into effect and I wasted no time in getting my teeth cleaned. I LOVE having my teeth cleaned. I like the way it feels when they take that little pointy scraper thing and scraped between my teeth. I always wish that they would show it to me because it feels like they are scraping off gobs of plaque and other gunk that has cemented itself to my teeth over the last 14 months. Thankfully I have no cavities! And overall my mouth is in great shape. I do need to get this one crown put on, but it is $372 semolies and I don’t have that many duckets at the moment and even if I did I would spend them on something so much better – like 20o 4-pack of chic-fil-a chicken mini’s!!! Once I had all those minis I would put them in a huge pile and then stuff my face into their soft buttery fried goodness. I would then sound like Cookie Monster as I proceeded to say over and over- MINI’s GOOD!!! AAARRGGHMMMFFCCHCCHHOOOMP!!!

I would save 7.95 of my 372 duckets so that I could purchase a gallon diet lemonade from chic-fil-a as well because you have to have lemonade with your mini’s and this particular lemonade is so tart and delicious that I think the lemons are procured from trees in heaven and then loving squeezed by the hands of angel children. As a final touch God dips his finger into it to sweeten it WITHOUT adding calories making it the most divine beverage on the planet!!!

So who cares about the fact that my tooth that was filled and prepared for a crown was never crowned. I can use that gaping hole in my tooth to store bits and pieces of food that can be consumed in crisis – especially since now that I have insurance back I can start alligator wrasslin’ again – which sure works up an appetite!

Yee Haw!

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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