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My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard…

New Photos loaded to Flickr.

Not really, cause if some dude tried to touch my milkshake he would get punched in the face. And recently I have been so busy that it has put me on edge a couple of times and I wanted to punch someone in the face and so if someone had given me the slightest provocation for a face-punching, then believe you me – they would have gotten it!

But that isn’t the point of this zany post. The point of this post is to tell you that I miss writing about my life. I miss exaggerating about how much I smoke pot and pray to God that someone will leave me a basket of muffins laced with Marijuana and Benadryl. I mean, who doesn’t want to totally mellow out and at the same time have their histamines blocked? That is what I miss, I miss writing about something that I would never really do, but I throw it out there to shock my readers and my mom. It’s fun for me. Why else would I talk about testicles? Same reason, it’s fun for me.

I’d also like to point out that Cody Miller got married today. I prayed for years that something wonderful like this would happen… to me… and I think God must have thought I was saying “Bring Cody a wonderful wife, bring Cody a wonderful wife…” when in reality I was saying “Bring Eddie a hot, rich, wife, bring Eddie a hot, rich wife…” I think God hears what he wants to hear and does what he wants to do… which is cool with me, he knows what he is doing, but still… I need that Hot Rich wife!!! I did catch the garder today. I have about 600 of them now. I now realize that catching the garder means exactly the opposite of catching the bouquet. For every garder you catch, that means at least 2 more years of being single. And trust me, I get tired of hearing the, “When are you going to get married?” just as much as any of my single friends. I’ll get married whenever I am darn good and ready, just like I do everything in my life. When I want it bad enough – I make it happen. 😉

So what has been going on with my life? Well, I don’t know if you realize this, but I am a hot male dancer. Yep. I strip off my clothes in front of thousands of people and I love it. I gyrate and writhe about while Marvin Gaye sings “Let’s Get it On” and the girls… well, let’s just say they go more than a little wild.

Yes, I am a Mavs ManiAAC and I have been on ESPN Sportscenter, Channel 8, Channel 11, Channel 4, and the Tonight Show with Jay Leno. If you are an ostrich, or a cave dweller, you might not know that the Dallas Mavericks are in the NBA Finals. I have been going to all of the play-off games. I have performed in 3 of them- you might have seen one – Blues Brothers, Who Let the Dogs Out, and Booty, Booty, Booty. Yes, we rocked the house.

I get asked on a daily basis, “How bout them Mavs” and my response is always, “How bout’em!!!” And then I quickly scurry away like a frightented cockroach. Why? Because, like the cockroach, I don’t want to be crushed. Crushed by the onslaught of questions about why Eric Dampier grabbed Shaq while he was trying to make a point. Why Jason Terry is hot on some nights and cold on others, How do you pronounced Dirk’s last name is it Nowitzki or Novitzki? Have you met the players, what is Mark Cuban like, who is your favorite, how often do you go to the games, do you travel with the team? Why did Stackhouse try to shoot the 3 against the Spurs instead of going for the tie with a two-pointer? How Fat are the other guys? Are they really fat? Or just sort-of fat? Are they taller than you? How tall are they? Do you guys practice alot? Can I get a t-shirt? Can I get free tickets? Do you get free tickets? Do you get FREE PLAY-OFF TICKETS?

Yes, I do get free play-off tickets and that makes all the questions, the practices, the unpaid media appearances, the early mornings, late nights, and sore joints worth it. Yes, I did get to see Shaquille O’Neal close up. Yes, I have met many of the players. It has been one heck of a ride and it has all been well worth it.

I love being behind the scenes and in front of the scenes and being part of such a great organization. Mark Cuban did an amazing job of turning around a once embarrassing franchise into a team that is loved and respected. Coach of the Year Avery Johnson of course did his part, as well, but we owe a big thanks to Mark for having such a great vision and turning this team around.

Life has been sweet lately. God has blessed me so much and I am thankful to him for giving me such wonderful opportunities. Things have been going so well that I know someone has to be keeping me in their prayers, and for that I am forever grateful.

I hope to get some photos posted soon.

I love you with every molecule of my being… eddo

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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