Man Cleavage and Testicular Chafing

Hey, if you kept reading after that title then you are on your own, you have no one to blame but yourself. Also, I am not posting pictures of either and it is not as disgusting as that colon cleansing post that I read over on Jes‘ site. (the things you girls write about… insert head shake here)

This weekend after I shaved my entire upper body I decided I needed to get some sun on my cranium to even out my color. I slipped into some really comfortable shorts without putting on any underwear because I thought it would be fine. I mean riding a bike is not like playing ultimate frisbee, or doing a ManiAAC dance routine – there are really no parts to jostle about and so I thought going commando would be fine. Besides, the shorts that I was wearing are super soft and they breathe really well and I thought it would be really comfortable to not wear restrictive undergarments. So I am riding along and everything is quite comfortable and breezy, then I start sweating like a banshee and things start to chafe and I am 5 miles into my ride and I have 5 more miles to get back home. At first it isn’t too uncomfortable, but by the time I get home I can barely ride or walk and the burning is comparable to that time I flew over my handle bars while riding downhill and I landed superman style on the asphalt. Yep. That painful.

A hot shower and some Gold Bond Select comfort soothed the chafing tremendously and I made a mental note not to make that mistake again.

You single ladies might not know this but when a guy sleeps on his side if he has any chest at all he will have cleavage. Well, that cleavage can be quite uncomfortable if it has been recently shaved with a pair of clippers. The hair is just long enough that it is prickly. I tried to sleep, but everytime I rolled on my side I would prick myself and wake up. I finally got up and put on a t-shirt and was able to sleep.

So the moral of this story is – don’t go commando when going for a 10 mile bike ride and don’t shave your chest.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

2 replies on “Man Cleavage and Testicular Chafing”

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