The Great Butt Rap Off – Revisited

This was so much fun when we did it last year and today I was reading through some of these and laughing my butt off – no pun intended.

See if you can figure out who everyone is if you don’t already know…

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
I put ads on Butts and I cannot lie
those kind of Butts that make grown men cry
some call it a sin with a lack of taste
But that round thing in your face

Eddo puts a link there, right on her sphincter
So why ya advertise on a Honda, Instead of a big-bottomed Ronda
Cause Ronda booty gets more eyes den Hondas
My Eddo-says-he don’t want none of those little buns, hun
You can go to Bens site if ya choken
And read about PP’s that are broken
But Eddo Advertising on Ass
So say that it lack da class
So they “X” out and leave it
While others stick around and read it
So Cosmo says you’re fat
Well Eddo puts ads on that!
‘Cause your waist is small and your curves are smokin!
JEs is googlin PP’s that are broken!!

MsThang said…
OMG SOS that was hilarious! Eddo have we determined if that is Steve? hahahhaha
3:30 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
You think you know my identity
I wear designer jeans that are so spendy
Eddo aint got enough loot
to pay for ads to put upon these glutes!
Other men just cant compare
or compete with my deriere
they can try and act tough or neato
kinda like Eddo in a speedo
but when it comes down to it they just cant hang
did i answer your question Ms Thang?


Eddo said…
O.M.W.!!!! That was too funny, let me try…

Captain sphincter your rhyme is broke
Like your flat buttocks it’s such a joke
You only wish you had my rear
makes women grin from ear to ear
I’ll put no buttvertising on your ass
When I saw your picture I said, “I’ll Pass!”

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Eddo so large and juicey
never has da pants that are loosey
dont make me start my wrath
cause ads on your ass are paragraphs!
Please know that I am kiddin
but a grand is where they start the biddin
Cause ads on my ass are like Gold
now iM done with your site.. its old

Eddo said…
Captain SOS is all lotso talk
His butt so flat he can barely walk
His pants are baggin, his jeans is old
His mouth is full of Fool’s Gold
He wishes that his butt was glitter
Cause then he wouldn’t be so bitter
I told him he bes not step to this
Or his broke butt I’d have to dis
I feel bad for him cause my butt is bank,
And all the ladies told me – CAPTAIN SOS’ BUTT IS STANK!!!

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
As tears are streaming down my face
Theres a vision I just cant erase
Eddo shakin ass on the dance floor
with little girlies runnin to the door”
HIS ASS KNOCKED MY GIRLFRIEND TO THE GROUND!”
When he’s by the speakers you cant hear no sound
God forbid you ever see that bare
like Chewbaka its got too much hair
The captains butt is smooth and pretty
makes the ladies all giddy
its cool just cut down on the lunches
“Bally Fitness” has aerobics and crunches


jes said…
oh what have i been missin’
eddo and captain are each dissin
‘but-you-ain’t-seen-nothin
unless-you’ve-glanced-at-my-muffin!
you can eat cookies and custard
but one look will leave you flustered,
cause nothing can come close
to the bootie that i boast
so you boys just need to jump back
my ass is whack
and you can’t compare with that
you ready for an attack?
you oughta KNOW that i’m ready for combat!

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Jes I think your style is slippin
its diet Coke you outta be sippin
That ass you claim ta boast
girl you outta switch ta toast

Sorry I dont mean to be rude
but ya stepped to me and now you screwed
maybe you an eddo need combine yo powers
Like two big butt twin towers
I think Im done
fo’ you grab yo gun
(Eddo still fills up showers)


jes said…
captain you’re misinformed
tho i understand your body is deformed
what you’ve got in your trunkain’t enough
to garner the worship of a chinese monk
i’ve developed somewhat of a following
sorry to leave you, i know you’ll be wallowing
in your own misery once you see
that your words are nil to the highest degree
so get back to your sphincter
before it gets any pinker
cause i whoop ass whereever i go
and honey, you’re about to have an electric glow.

And Eddo finishes with one more that is new to this post…

Captain SOS thought he brought it
But brotha nobody bought it…
We all know your butt is white
And my butt is DY-NO-MITE!

When people see your butt they scream
It’s so pimply that it is obscene
Like a freakshow at the fair
Your butt’s so ugly it’s rare

On the front page of the Globe
Your butt they had to probe
Cause it must have came from outer space
and it looks just like your face!

But Eddo has buns of steel
No need for crunches or diet meals
All he needs is lots of protection
From the ladies that want his affection

So Captain SOS you need to bounce
Cause brotha you just got trounced
You thought you had Jes and I beat
But we don’t even know how to spell defeeet.

139 Comments:


Katie said…
A day later and it is still so funny that I have to close my door so I don’t interupt classes.

11:30 AM

Ben said…
I am a white guy born in Colorado
Now I live in Minnesota don’t cha know

That’s my week attempt at rapping..
I can’t rap so I won’t try…

I can’t shake my “Monkey” Maker either.

11:32 AM

Eddo said…
Ben, you need to learn how to rap and then maybe you will be able to shake your “Monkey” maker!!

11:37 AM

captain S.o.S. said…
Eddo that took you ALL NIGHT sooo sad
Yo my ass broke up Jen and Brad
Angelina thanks me all the time
by rubbin my steele behind
yo… I dont mind

N
B
C wants to give me my own show
trottin my ass all around the globe
see my butt has its own camera crew
while there is doors yours still cant fit through

I know you just want ass like the cap’n
without lunges that just aint gonna happen
I had yesterday in da bag
the phones ringin?
yo its Jenny Craig

11:39 AM

Joe & Julie said…
LOL- the Captain said “without lunges that just ain’t gonna happen” lol Man that is so crazy. Well Eddo don’t let them tell you anything is wrong with your booty! Shake what yo mamma gave ya! 🙂

11:49 AM

jes said…
hahaha. omigosh, i just can’t even start this up again. i won’t get any work done!

11:57 AM

Ben said…
Yeah eddo… shake your Monkey Maker.

11:58 AM

Katie said…
Go Eddie, Go Eddie . . . .

11:59 AM

steve said…
This post has been removed by the author.

12:21 PM

Eddo said…
Go Eddie, It’s your birthday, not really.. Shake it anyway!!

Sha, Sha booya, Sha,Sha Shabooya Roll Call.

My name is Eddie (Yeah)
I shake my Monkey Maker(Yeah)
Start Cheerin (Yeah)
Don’t be a Hater (Yeah)

Sha, Sha booya, Sha,Sha Shabooya Roll Call… who’s next?

12:23 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Katie you open yo mouth??
yo Whitey what dat all about
Im the one wit triumphant rump
that gets more rent den Donald Trump
My haunches border on the obscene
girl go read your Tiger Beat magazine
Dis between me and Jabba da Butt
my lightnin wit you just cant shut up
“Jabba da Butt”? that made ME laugh
So much I have a heart attack

12:23 PM

Eddo said…
Darn-it! I just saw Captain SOS’s reply… I am about to slay him with some of my street verbage.

12:24 PM

Cookie723 said…
Someone go rescue Capt!! He’s had a heart attack!
Well, so have I after another round of these hilarious raps…I don’t know about anyone else but is anyone else actually reading, excuse me, RAPPING these aloud? I am, hence the tears from laughter.

12:27 PM

Eddo said…
Captain SOS? More like Captain Crunch
When you start dissin’ Eddo
You better pack a lunch
Cause it’s gonna be a really long day
Better ask your mommy if you can go out and play
Yo stories are cheap and so are your tricks
When it comes to my body
I’m stacked like bricks
Banging booty, abs and chest
In this competition I am the best

NBC has sold you out
That show is a joke
Like your butt – No Doubt

So take your butt and your camera crew
Cause Captain Crunch I am through with you.

12:27 PM

Cookie723 said…
Oh please, Ed, continue on with the ‘street verbage’-nice.

12:28 PM

Katie said…
Eddie I can picture you chanting Roll Call – LOVE IT

12:30 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
fanny, butt, ass, derriere
rump, seat , rear, posterier
double bubble, cheeks, da big butter
yeah I even call it my turd cutter

mexican trash compactor
Im the Butt X-Factor
Eddo you just so whack
heres a dingleberry from my crack

12:30 PM

Eddo said…
“Im the one wit triumphant rump
that gets more rent den Donald Trump
My haunches border on the obscene
girl go read your Tiger Beat magazine”

Man, that one kills… KILLZZZZZZ!!!

12:31 PM

Katie said…
Mexican trash compactor
Im the Butt X-Factor

OH MY WORD.

12:32 PM

Eddo said…
SOS, You speak the truth
Yo dirty butt is hanging loose
You need to wash it along with yo mouth
Cause brotha it be stinkin up Eddo’s house

Cracker, Lacker, Slacker, Wack
SOS you have been smoking crack

Dingleberry? SOS please!
My rhymes got you beggin
On your knees.
You wish I’d stop, but I keep bringin the cheddar
Yo rhymes is good
My mines is betta!

12:35 PM

Heather said…
Holy Moly Mackeroly. It’s a good thing I work at home ’cause I am howling with laughter. You guys are killing me.

12:42 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Cheddar,swiss,gouda and havarti
I am the life of this party
I put the “SHOW” in da “Biz”
I am the Brie and you da cheese whiz

You be Processed and I am Fresh
Bustin you like Elliot Ness

Word

12:43 PM

Cookie723 said…
Ok…now I need to know what Capt does that he can spend all his time arappin????? Maybe you guys could take it on the road – instead of 50cent and Eminem it could be Captain & Tenil…opps I mean, Eddo 😉 Or instead of the ‘Anger Management Tour’ it could be ‘Butt Behavior Tour’…

12:55 PM

Eddo said…
SOS you are the cheese
You constipate even Hercules

Party Pooper is your real name
You’ve got no style, you have no game

You need to realize what you are up against
This ain’t no joke, I came to reprezent!
I am tired of you, you big Chester Cheetah
Take yourself home and don’t forget your Velveeta…

Yeah, that’s what I’m talkin’ bout!

12:56 PM

steve said…
This post has been removed by the author.

1:04 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
got so much junk in my trunk
all the black girls scream
“LOOK AT DAT BADOOKADUNK!!”

Eddo jes think he be neat
trying ta talk like he from da street
But I be the dude so pretty
Got more street then a city
Eddo just look what you started
Man you be so Gaytarded

1:05 PM

Ben said…
Gaytarded. LOL.

You guys are too funny.

1:18 PM

MsThang said…
OMW SOS gaytarded.. I am loving this exchange of rapping wit! I would join but I am as bad as Ben lol.

1:22 PM

MsThang said…
and that’s funny that Ben posted around the same time as me..

1:25 PM

Eddo said…
Sticks and Stones and Made up words
SOS you is a giant turd

No black girls be hollerin at you
You dreamin boy, you dumb o’l fool

Ladies love me, Their mommas too
So don’t hate on me or they’ll hate on you

You’ve got no street, you’ve got no road
You’ve got no princess you big ol’ toad

You aint so pretty, you ain’t so sharp
Moses should have left you back on the Ark
The animals he brought in by twosies
Thank God he only bought one of yousies

You are nothing but an ugly Yetti
Why you messin’ with Gorgeous Eddie?

1:28 PM

Eddo said…
And KT, I think SOS is calling you out!!! You need to slam him back gurrrrl!

1:29 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
LOL!!

ones and twosies!!
one of yousies!!!

Im crying

1:32 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
But I aint cryin fo long

Yo eddo cant rap fo’ shizzle
actin like a lil b’nizzle
Trys to get all da girls ta Holla
but has to slip dem all 20 dolla

Eddo you rap white as heck
with dat Barry Manilow screamin’
out of your TAPE DECK!

Snoop always calls to see what be happnin
Im like “yo doggy dogg whats crackalackin?”

You think that you be booty shakin
you about as black as idol Clay Akin

I own this little rap game
my flava so crazy its insane

1:33 PM

Princess Steph said…
dude. funny as hell.

1:38 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
*pulls out cardboard, its on*

1:41 PM

Eddo said…
SOS keep talkin that Jibber Jabber
I tire of hearin his big lips blabber

He is white than Snap, Crackle, and Pop
His mouf keep runnin and it just won’t stop.

Talkin’ snoop, he means SNOOPY
This Charlie Brown ain’t got nothin on me.

He’s knows all the whiteys, Kelly Clarkson and Pink.
He dances to Whitesnake at the skating rink.

S.O.S means Sloppy Ol’ Steve
He can’t fool us, he can’t decieve

Pimple, Pimple, Cocoa Puff
Steve me boy, I have called your bluff.

1:47 PM

MsThang said…
Oh damn! You just called him out lol.. I would like to go on the record and say I called him out last post lol.

1:49 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Callin me out that jus dont matter
yo bro you still will always be fatter
thats with an “F” not a “PH”
you have to buy the gallon size preperation H
The only time that you are quicker
is in da bedroom with your dollar fifty stripper

OMW I cant believe I went there
have I also mentioned I still have ALL my hair?

I think that we could go at this all day
neither of us will ever back away
Your butt is big that fact is simple
You are so big you gots back-dimples

How can I beat da skating rink?
that was so funny I gots ta think

1:57 PM

MsThang said…
DAMN SOS! Oh no you didn’t go there!

1:59 PM

Heather said…
Pimple, Pimple, Cocoa Puff??

LMAO!!!!

2:00 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
I think I got a bit too ghetto
No offense my dear Boy Eddo
I have found I cant stop rhymin
stair master Eddo should be climbin

All is said in Jest
I still love Eddo he’s the best
I think we be quick as one another
and thank God we are leavin out our Mothers

😉

2:08 PM

MsThang said…
Haha.. yes praise god you are leaving out the innocent mothers lol.

2:11 PM

Eddo said…
LOL! Gallon Size preparation H!!!

I have to stop. I can bear no more.

Thanks everyone for the fun. I hope you all enjoyed this Great Butt Rap Off 2005!!! AL-READY!!!!

2:37 PM

Joe & Julie said…
Man I don’t even know what to say, other than this has been the most excitement I’ve seen at work since Msthang worked here! Rap on!!!!

2:39 PM

Katie said…
I leave for an hour or so and OMW

Uhhh Eddie Capt SOS might know a little bit about Clay Aiken, I’m pretty sure that in his CD collection

I’m not getting in the middle of this one, SOS can call me out all he wants, I know that you two are way out of my league (or maybe it’s the other way around, hmmmm . . . . . )

2:51 PM

MsThang said…
KT.. you do have a point.. he named it as one of the CD’s in his collection! And I agree they are way out of YOUR league!

2:55 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
stalkers…

I call it a tie Eddo!

3:00 PM

Eddo said…
No SOS, I think you win the Title of “The Great Butt Rapper!” Lol!

Congrats GBR!

3:03 PM

MsThang said…
LOL stalkers!

(raises up hand)

Talk to the palm because I am da bomb!

3:03 PM

Katie said…
Uhh, no stalking just a great memory (can’t help it I just have skillzzzz (yep worth the four z’s))

Stalking would be lurking on your site for days on end . . . .

3:06 PM

jes said…
you guys, this is sooo funny. as i read each word i was totally rapping along. steve, when you come in town we’re totally going to have a WEEKEND of gamenights, in which we play settlers, other games, and have a rap-off. 🙂

3:31 PM

Amstaff Mom said…
I’m with Jes.

3:34 PM

Eddo said…
Jes, we so needed your rap skillz today…

3:35 PM

Katie said…
Can Jes rap in my place?

3:35 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
OK then I am the great Butt rapper
While Eddo still stuck on the crapper
Now go figure
thats just his luck
Stuck to his ass like a suction cup

Enough of my pitter-patter
Get back to your twinkie platter
Im the best
sound the alarm
I got great ass like a donkey farm

Thats just how I roll
An ass highway paved in Gold
I am the man
A white-ass Villian
With my butt raps Im thrillin

Thanks for puttin up with my ego
I know you hate to see me go
so grab some change
bounce quarters off my assa
Bet they fly higher than NASA

Peace!!

3:41 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
i just… cant… stop…

3:43 PM

Katie said…
Eddie = Captain SOS

I swear the two of you share the same mind, if not the same butt

3:51 PM

jes said…
I was just walkin’ down the hall,
Minding my biz
When I guy said “hello” and as I passed, “Damn, y’all!”
He stopped, but I kept goin’
His jaw was dropped tho I didn’t start slowin;

Cause I knew he was staring
And in his mind comparing
My sweet, juicy peach
To Captain’s hind-end leech

Sucked, Withered, Shriveled away
NBC is planning a special on his lack of display
He and Eddo are rappin
People are clappin
They have yet to turn around
And show their arse – the burial ground

5:03 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Jes why you tryin to bring game?
When yo rappin skills (with an “s”) are lame?
Cause I gots da skillZ
dat come with da “Z”
we all know you really LOVE Andy

MTV called they got letters dat you write
Saying you think Andy is SO tight
He makes you all hot
And he makes you dream
of Milonakis doused in Whipping cream

You say Just say JES I say Just say no
You should try some straightner for your “fro”
I know that you be cute
In That Tiara dat sparkle
Only Texans call ROshambo gay-ass FARKLE

So go write another letter to dear “Mary”
Oh my gosh you come across so mean and scary
You told her
with yo yelling and yo screaming
“Juicey Peach”?? you are dreamin

6:00 PM

Heather said…
And he brings out the big guns.

6:06 PM

jes said…
Captain’s style is wanting
While Eddo’s confronting
Somethin’ bout cheddar, somethin’ bout soufflé
Please, mama! Get them each a cafeteria tray!

They’re hungry, they’re stuffing
They’re huffing and puffing
Trying to mimic my glutes
They ought to just forget it,
And get a couple of bus routes.

I walk by, all the guys cry
Cause my back is sweet like apple pie
Put me in water
And I’ll float like William Bligh

Cap’ns confused,
He needs to be rescued
From these hallucinations.
He couldn’t even be saved
By the Bush Administration.

He thinks he’s got Skills with a Z
He must have been told dat my the A.A.R.P.
Come to think of it, that must be why
His sounds is inferior, like MCI.

8:59 AM

Katie said…
Jes you are inviting wrath like no other . . . . .

9:23 AM

jes said…
haha, i was making myself laugh this morning while i wrote that. especially the bit about the AARP. ha!

9:37 AM

Eddo said…
Jessica, Jessica, Why dost thou start?
That rap so lame it was like a fart
It stunk up the air, it stunk up the room
I had to sweep it off the floor with a broom!

I know you want to shake your lump
You think men get love drunk on your hump
But girl that thing is a little ol’ bump
You need to ghetto-size that rump!

You can’t hang with us big boys so please don’t try
We’ll send you packin, we’ll make you cry…

10:08 AM

jes said…
Eddo, apparently you haven’t seen
My big ghetto bootie – a size 14.
It’s like a big shelf on my back
I make boys go wiggity-wiggity-wiggity-WHACK!

I have no problems shaking my rump
But YOU need to get help from a hydraulic pump.
I hear yo’ words about that fart,
But smellin yours earned me the purple heart.

I see ya clutchin and trying to hang on
But my skillz are recorded in the Gospel of John
So honey don’t ya start trippin’
Unless ya WANT TO GET A WHIPPIN.

10:40 AM

Katie said…
Eddie – your google ads are FREAKING me out again.

11:02 AM

jes said…
ads about moisturizer & lip balm are freaking you out, KT?

11:07 AM

Katie said…
It won’t copy but this is what it says for me:

Fragrant Vagina Mist
Sweetspot Labs PH balanced spray for a healthier and balanced vagina

Enough said.

11:37 AM

Heather said…
KT – I think Eddo posted that one just for you.

11:51 AM

Eddo said…
Jes, that last rap was hilarious!!

“But my skillz are recorded in the Gospel of John”

Too bad I am going to have to slam it right back at ya…

12:34 PM

Eddo said…
Wide Load Coming Through…
Butt so big people yell Choo Choo!
They thought it was a train
It had them trippin’
That butt’s so big
Why aren’t those pants rippin?

Shimmy Shimmy in your jeans
That butt is bangin people scream
They scream in terror they scream in fright
Girl that but has been super-sized.

I was wrong I must confess
Jes you win the big butt contest…

When people pass they’ll say “Dear Lord!,
Look at that girls butt – IT’S A BIG BILLBOARD!”

12:40 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
*work-schmirk… cracking knuckles*

1:10 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
it goes “one for the treble”
“two for the bass”
“Jes’s ass fills up this place!”

She rolls! From here to there
not a juicy peach but a big ass pear
The Gospel of John
Girl thinks that she has sass
Girl you are the book of DaLARDYASS

This is a game only for da boys
You aint digital your poliroid
is that a chair?
Stuck to your rear-end?
I gots more power than Superfriends

I gots da wonder I gots da Super
I have the worlds most powerful pooper
Im leavin Eddo out
Im the verbal master
when you walk in rooms you crack plaster

1:26 PM

Katie said…
and so it begins . . . . .

1:39 PM

jes said…
Uh-huh. Yeah, right. Check this:

My bootie is ghetto, and that’s a fact
But it hasn’t violated the respiratory tract.
Too bad no one can say the same
About your bootie’s claim to fame

Ya see, Eddo and his MONSTROUS rear
Suffocate the room, causing death so severe.
He walks in and people can’t breathe
His ass is bigger than JLo’s on-screen.

He can’t even shop at the big and tall
He has to sew his clothes after the curtain call
When enough cloth drops down to cover one cheek
Better watch out – he may spring a leak
Cause his ass is bigger than a mountain peak.

S. – O. – S.
Is scrambling, trying to find a way
Hastily, swiftly, that is to say
He’s on his way out, his raps are a mess
He has yet to slam me with success.

He said something about a Polaroid.
He sounds more like he’s unemployed.
And boy, can’t you spell?
A-ring-a-ding-ling: that’s the warning bell.

You’re bragging about your world’s most powerful pooper
Your mother must have been quite a trooper
I, for one, won’t discuss my bowel movements
Though it looks like you keep a list of your accruements

We know you say you’re a cutter
But it’s probably more like a sputter
So we’ll leave you with your diarrhea.
Smuggled across the Canadian border
in a mammoth tortilla.

1:51 PM

Cookie723 said…
I’m more frightened by this seriously scary rap-off than I was by those ads, Katie!
Yikers! (Way to go, Jes!!)

1:58 PM

Amstaff Mom said…
y’all are like fine wine
only getting better with time
yep, that’s the extent of my rhyme.

Seriously, I’m dying over here.

2:01 PM

Eddo said…
My mail filter keeps filtering your raps out! LOL!

Jes, Please! I am bout to destroy you!!!

2:02 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Yeah.. yeah.. uuhh huuhhh…get yo game on.. yeah yeah

Spiggy spat yippy dippy doo
big butter butt I dump on you
When you order food
Its a quadruple order
Crack-smoker? Tortillas from the canadian border?

Yo what? Yo HUH? GET YOU GAME ON??

triple dipple super ass
bigger than a barge
My ass is priceless like Mastercard
3 days of rappin
the cap’n is da man!
I am gonna whoop your ass at Settlers of Catan!

Yo yiggy yep dont talk about my mother
You from down in Texas are you married to your brother?
You drive a pinto me I drive da Lexus
i look at you and realize ALL things are big in Texas

2:06 PM

Anonymous said…
THE CARDBOARD IS OUT!!!

2:07 PM

Eddo said…
This just in! We had an Eclipse
Oh, it was just the sun being blocked by Jessica’s Hips!

Lumber, Lumber, Lumber Jack-
I almost mistook that thing for a cadillac!

Planet Earth can’t take much more
Jes’ but is such an eyesore
Uranus look out, here comes your equal
It’s gonna be big and it already had a sequel…
“Giganto Butt” it’s a number one hit
Too bad that butt is all counterfeit.

Jes we are on to you and your big ol’ butt
We know why you have to strut
You got two big hams stuffed down your pants
Butt so full you can barely dance

You wish so bad you had the mega booty
But all you got is a tiny fruity
No Georgia Peach, more like a cherry
The other day someone called it a cranberry
Your but girl is a Pirates Dream
Sunken Booty if you know what I mean
You better take your butt doctor back to court
And sue that man for more butt support
Cause those implants you got, must have come from the black market
It’s time you take your butt home.. And park it!

2:11 PM

Eddo said…
What? cardboard? Are you about to start Break Dancing? Why do people keep saying that!?!?!?!

2:16 PM

jes said…
Cap’n don’t know nothing bout Settlers of Catan
He couldn’t figure it out if he was the Miracle Man
He makes up words, thinkin they rhyme.
Good thing I got here in the nick of time.

You got Texas confused with Arkansas
You better step back – better yet, withdraw.
I’m from Seattle, straight from the hood
And I’ll pop a cap if I’m misunderstood.

You think the Northwest is where it’s at.
You forget all those hills make your ass real flat
You better drive that Lexus up to the store
And pick up some Miracle Gro to sprinkle on yur back door.

2:16 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Your but girl is a Pirates Dream
Sunken Booty if you know what I mean

YES!!! thats a good one!!

2:16 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
ALRIGHT YOU ASKED FOR IT JES!! I AM BUSTIN YOUR ASS:

VANILLA ICE STYLE!!!!

Large Large Baby, Large Large Baby
All right stop, put down yo Donuts and listen
Cap’ns back With another round of Dissin’
Something bout yo ass is frightnin’
Harpoon you like a whale daily and nightly
Will it ever stop Growin? Yo – I don’t know
You like a cosby character wid dat afro
To the extreme I rock an ass like a King
Light up your life Like Debbie Boone use ta sing

Dance, you make the floor go CRUNCH!!
Your killing yourself wid dat twelve course lunch
Deadly, when I rap a dope melody
yo there Jes I know that yo just jealous of me
Love it or leave it, You better gain way
Your ass is the bull’s eye, every single day
if cookies where a problem, Yo, Jes would eat it
Check out Jenny Craig yo girl you need it

LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!
YOU SO LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!

Now that the party is jumping
Jes broke the floor with that ass she is thumpin
Im quick to the point to the point no faking
Jes is cookie up twelve pounds of Bacon
Eating them with links of pig
Damn you ever seen a girl so big?
Rollin’ she’s a size 46.0
Rag top down so the Lard can flow
McDonalds on standby, Burgers stacked a mile high
Did she stop? Yes- she stops every time
if cookies where a problem, Yo, Jes would eat it
Check out Jenny Craig yo girl you need it

LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!
YOU SO LARGE LARGE BABY!! LARGE LARGE BABY!!

2:38 PM

jes said…
OH. MY. GOSH, EDDIE.
You have me laughing.
Now I may have to send you packing

A Cadillac? Please.
You’d better get on your knees
And beg for mercy before this gets old
I’m going to pin you in a wrestling hold

One, two buckle my shoe
Three, four, I’m startin to feel sorry for…
Damn! Boy, you can’t even bend over
Maybe you can get some help from your dog Rover.

That is, if you don’t smother him first
With your three-hundred thirty pounds
Poor dog looks like he’s about to burst.
Maybe you should just get a crane
Hook yourself up to a big jet plane.

It can try to fly, you can be the anchor.
Your weight will pull it down
Like a damaged oil tanker.

You think I have implants?
What about you and them stretch pants?
You’ve done broken the zipper
Torn the seam, like Jack the Ripper

Don your black sheet, it’s okay.
Your ass is just wasting away
I heard the government’s making plans
To send you off with Peter Pan

So you can eat imaginary food
And drop some weight
Cause that crane couldn’t even lift you in a crate!
Forget the tanker, the anchor, the plane
Your ass has got you like a ball and chain.

2:39 PM

Eddo said…
SOS and Jes! I cannot be laughing like this when I am on the phone!!!

Now I guess I have to get dirty… and shut ya’ll down for good.

2:47 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
I will have to say that the Debbie Freakin Boone line wins!

2:49 PM

jes said…
Spinchter’s style is droppin
He used to have it poppin
Like some fireworks on Fourth of July
He ought to just say Bye-Bye-Bye.

Rag top down so the Lard can flow?
What about that do you know?
Obviously, a lot.
Your butt is as wide as a 120 foot yacht.

Out in the country, up in Oregon
Year round you go for a ski run
Not on snow, not on ice
You ski on the fat of pigs with lice

Your head is itchy
Your arms are fat
Your eyes are beady
Like a chinchilla rat

Hold on, beware: he’s like the bubonic plague
The grease is rollin and drippin down his leg

Cap’n should just enroll in Weight Watchers
Maybe he’d peel off some pounds
Meet the girl of his dreams
She’ll be there too, slathered in cold cream

2:54 PM

Eddo said…
Your head is itchy
Your arms are fat
Your eyes are beady
Like a chinchilla rat

OMW!

3:01 PM

jes said…
eddie, will you make a separate page for site called “Rap-Off” (similar to “Marry Me” and “Admit”) and include each individual rap from yesterday and today, chronologically? I went back to read through them, and I am laughing SO hard. it’s totally obvious i’m not getting much work done.

3:06 PM

Eddo said…
Jes, she knows about the grease
She spoons it up and says, “Seconds Please!!”
Butt so big she needs a body wrap
Sweatin like a mummy… what’s up with that?
She loves the gravy, she loves the taters
Her closest friends are all restaurant waiters!

She has to call the fire department to take a bath
She’s 120X32342 you do the math

3:07 PM

Eddo said…
This will definitely have to have it’s own page… I actually missed one of the SOS’s because I scrolled too fast and I read it and nearly busted apart!

3:08 PM

Cookie723 said…
Thank you Jes – I am getting zippo done today seeing as every 15 minutes I shoot back here to see what I’ve missed…SOS, the tribute to Vanilla was fantastic! Jes & Ed. There aren’t words to describe it.

3:10 PM

Queen Boo-tay said…
Yo, Jes, let’s kick it!

Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
Queen Queen Boo-tay
All right stop, back yo ass up and listen
Between Capt and Ed, there’s somethin missin
You fools been trying to rap all tightly
But yo butts are givin gals scares all nightly
Will it ever stop? Yo – I don’t know
Take a step back and I’ll give you a show
To the extreme I rock my ass like a scandal
Even with two hands you’ll never get a handle

Drop, my butt hits floors with a boom
A globe so big it even blocks out the full moon
Deadly, my ass if nice and meaty
Anything less than this is cheaty
Love it or leave it, you gotta respect
Your butts look like they just part of yo neck
If there is an ass brass, yo I got it
Check out my hook, while my girl Jes revolves it

Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay
Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay

I got some big chunk in this trunkin
The junk you got is seriously bunkin
Short on the hiney, yo boys you be fakin
Stuffin with charmin a booty you makin
Softy those asses are made of paper
You ain’t doin your butt any favors
Pancakes are what I see back there
Flat and smooth covered up with back hair
Bangin with my 10.0
Butt so good you never seen it’s twin-o
The boysies all hangin round hope’n catch a fly-by
Did you stop? No – I just shook it high
Wishin and cryin they want some of it
But their own butts be jealous I got so much sh*t

Yo – so I continued to a1a got-ass ave.
Eddo yo ass ain’t nothing like Arnuld
You might be big but your butt be carnal
Bangin and bumpin you tryin too hard
Think nothin of being a big ol gaytard
Captain you think you got all the skillz
sorry my brother you nothin but illz
Little and puney your butts got to go
Ain’t nothing to brag about that is fo sho
Ladies are naturally gifted in the rear
We pack it right were you boys like to jeer
Bumper to bumper you just can’t compare
Check out your backside and there’s nothing but air
Sorry to say, you know what I mean
Us girlies have the cheeks that cause all the scenes
We got it ridin all up in our caboose
Capt’s backend’s so empty even pleather be too loose
If there is an ass brass, yo I got it
Check out my hook, while my girl Jes revolves it

Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay
Queen, Queen, Boo-tay,
You like my Queen Queen Boo-tay

3:16 PM

jes said…
LOL – who is Queen Bootay? Reveal thyself!

3:22 PM

Captain S.O.S. said…
www.captainsos.blogspot.com

3:24 PM

jes said…
abs. hurt. laughing. too. hard.

3:27 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Wow its amazing how much time one can waste

3:40 PM

Katie said…
What in the world. This is what I get for being busy.

3:43 PM

jes said…
work, schmirk. go visit sos’s site to hear him rap his version of ice ice baby.

sos, can you rap queen bootay’s also?

3:44 PM

Katie said…
Oh Jes, been there, done that, scared the students heard. I know they heard me laughing.

3:46 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
well at least I knwo who da Booty Queen Be… jes flowin an alter ego?

3:51 PM

Eddo said…
Da Bootay Queen is funny too, is it you Jes???? I must know!!

3:52 PM

jes said…
as much as i would L.O.V.E. to take credit for telling you boys that your booties are as flat as pancakes, i cannot take credit for it.

3:58 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
eddo??

4:01 PM

Eddo said…
It isn’t me… fo real.

4:08 PM

some silly freakin white guy said…
This is the longest I have seen Eddo go without another post in a while! Rappin keepin ya busy?

4:24 PM

The Blog Patrol said…
Eddo just posted something on the BP site… too much fun happening on this site to stop it with a pensive post.

And I bet that Freakin White guy is big ol Joe!

4:30 PM

Queen Boo-tay said…
Can’t figure out who I am?
Sorry boys your butts are spam
Packaged and not real
We know you can’t match my skillz
I’m here to tell you now
My boo-tay goes ka-pow
Your poor white butts are breakin
My booty’s money makin
Eddo you got some soul
But your butt would scare a troll
Captain thinks he’s a rock star
Trouble is his ass ain’t even par
I’m checkin your end loaders
And boys you’re just getting older
So sorry I can’t stay
My big ol ass gets in the way

4:39 PM

jes said…
whoa! ha! looks like someone is dissin you boys.

4:44 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
Jes.. jes.. jes jester
Rhyme Molester
Sayin she da Queen
only in her dreams

I see that she is you
now the game is through
It aint Katie
cause she’s a lady
when you go outside
you creatin too much Shady

5:02 PM

jes said…
Captain, captain you’re mistaken
It ain’t me that you’re shakin
I got a little story that you should know
Sit down, sit tight, and grab your cookie dough.

Here’s a little ditty that i’ll tell with glee:
When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

5:07 PM

Queen Boo-tay said…
I got love for all my sisters
Glutes so big we get the blisters
Boys are lackin with their bottoms
Sorry boys but yours be trottin
Capt says lady not the Queen
Boy, my ass dun bust your spleen
Queen not gonna be a hater
But your pants need an inflator

5:10 PM

Katie said…
OMW – way too much going on here. Why do I have so much work to do when all this is going on?

Ha ha, I am a lady thank you very much Mr. SOS, oops I mean Captain SOS.

5:25 PM

jes said…
SOS, just cause I rap means I’m not a lady?

INSULTED.

5:27 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
I got a little story that you should know
Sit down, sit tight, and grab your cookie dough.

Here’s a little ditty that i’ll tell with glee:
When you assume, you make an ASS out of U and ME.

OMW!! I would respond Jes but i just pee’s my pants

5:37 PM

Queen Boo-tay said…
Marco, polo where’s the stuff
Ain’t nothing back there sure enough
Chitty Chitty on the bang
You ain’t got a shakin thang
Girls can groove like nothing other
Because our butts come from out mothers
Yea you heard me givin moms the props
She’s the reason I got such drops
Supercalifragilistic
Texas girls ain’t all just hicks
Some of us are mighting blessed
Those northern girls are second best
I’ve got love for all my guys
But I’m not given up the disguise
You boys are cool, you guys are tight
I don’t want to pick a fight
Don’t be angry don’t be mad
I’m hoping fun by all was had

5:39 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
you a lady?

The “L” stands for Lard
and the “A” it stands for ass
the “D” for Double-Bubble
welcome to school this is MY class
No I know you wonder
So I just wont make you guess
is the Captain the Butt-rap Master?
The “Y” it stand for YES!

5:42 PM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. (Rap Champion and mASSter) said…
I will have to point out that there is 37 different raps in here eddo! That is scary

6:01 PM

Cav said…
OH MY GOODNESS – I JUST READ ALL THIS FROM BEGINNING TO END….DAMN.

SOOOO FUNNY – WISH I WAS THERE FROM THE START TO GET IN ON THE DISSIN’…ERR I MEAN ACTION.

LOVE YOU GUYS.

10:07 PM

Ben said…
Crazy.

10:59 PM

MsThang said…
OMW This is the funniest stuff.. I thought for sure you guys were done yesterday but then Jes stepped up to the plate and gave you your run for your money!

GO JES, and Queen Boo-tay (2 seperate people of course)

6:02 AM

Eddo said…
Ugh. I am livid that QB won’t reveal herself… My sister is awesome when it comes to rappin’ but I don’t know if she would have the time to come up with all of that.

9:34 AM

Lava said…
not me bro! You’re right – don’t have the time!

9:37 AM

Queen Boo-tay said…
She has skills, she has grace
But nobody knows her face
Secret character like a spy
Heck, this queen may be a guy
Oompa Loompa who’s that girl
Seems the queen has got some swirl
Some be callin sista Jes
But it’s not her I must confess
The girl’s got skills that don’t compare
But she don’t got my shiny hair
Maybe I am Mr. Eddo
Come sit next to me, you fine fellow
Big and tall with calves of steel
Queenie eddo would be surreal
Could it be Captain SOS
His rappin skills I don’t possess
He got close to the answer
But ended up lookin like a square dancer
Sorry Capt you were mistaken
Seems this lady knows her bacon
I’m a sweetheart, I’m a lady
Cause Queen Boo-tay is none other than Katie

10:54 AM

jes said…
You messin
And pressin
Purely distressin
Cause KT’s confessin

Captain thought
she was a lady
Turns out
that KT’s kinda shady

She calls herself
The Queen Boo-tay
Her hair is as shiny
As a golden ray

She thinks she’s so witty
She thinks she’s so smart
She fooled the boys
With her crazy rapping art

She hipped, she hopped
The boys both dropped
Cap’n & Ed, you better scurry
Before KT and I
give you reason to worry!

11:18 AM

Eddo said…
I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT, I LOVE IT!!!

KT, that was priceless, keeping it a secret! You get sumo points for that.

11:20 AM

Amstaff Mom said…
*jaw drops* OH.MY.GOSH.

It was YOU!?!?! K-T!!!!!

*bows reverently to the great K-T.*

girl, you got it goin’ on!

11:21 AM

Amstaff Mom said…
Conde-wow-za.

11:21 AM

Katie said…
Let’s just call it a fleeting moment of idiot savantness.

AM – Condewowsa – Had me rolling.

11:26 AM

Katie said…
BTW – no shadyness here, all ladyness (just with a splash of humor)

11:27 AM

Amstaff Mom said…
I had to go back and read them now that I know it’s you, K-T. You are just crackin’ me up.

Who knew dissertations and raps could come from the same person?

11:37 AM

Katie said…
I am small potatoes compared to the ellite three (Jes, Eddo, SOS).

11:40 AM

CAPTAIN S.O.S. said…
thats the smiggity smack sound
of a jaw dat hits da floor
the captains walkin out
jus headin fo da door

It nevahhh crossed my mind
KT was dis talker
I even thought that it might be
one of my many stalkers

1:41 PM

Katie said…
Sorry captain but the mystery was worth the reaction from everyone

2:03 PM

Katie said…
Oh and NOT a stalker, I’ll leave that job to some other people . . . .

2:04 PM

MsThang said…
Sorry guys, and Jes.. I think KT got you guys beat hands down! Mad props to KT for not only shocking us but putting out some great comebacks!

2:42 PM

Amstaff Mom said…
all the while appearing like such the task-master that she hadn’t been able to keep up with the posts.

Wool over eyes.

2:52 PM

3 Comments


  1. Ah, the good ol’ days. It still cracks me up.

  2. Wade up – you left my ass out!
    Like yous left me inside intentionally: to pout.
    Or somethin. Well I ain’t zactly at home with mom
    I’m out singing karaoke with this butt going on and on and on

    How many licks it take to get to the center of this tootsie roll pop?
    That ol’ owl be countin sweet choclat goodness until he drops
    Out the tree – don’t worry I jump unda
    He lands on my two blueberry-sweet thunda

    Muffins. Mmmmmmmmm.

    Latitude, longitute, tropic heat and jet-stream
    These perfect double globes the center of their own solar system.
    Yo tiny little butts be spinning out of control- I can hear ’em hissin’.
    Betta radio Houston – send out the deflated butt rescue team

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