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Failure to Launch

Remember when you watched T.V. and you never saw a tampon or hemarrhoid commercial? The word Herpes was synonymous with any other curse word and the word erectile wasn’t even in your vocabulary.

Not anymore… Now there are no more secrets.

Old people, and some not so old people, wear diapers, herpes sufferers can take a daily pill and suffer fewer outbreaks, there is a difference between a tampon and a maxi-pad, and if you get Adult Onset Diabetes you could end up with erectile dysfunction. That’s right, I said E.D.!!!

Yesterday while watching American Idol and eating a bag of sugar, I see this guy on T. V. saying, “I didn’t know Diabetes can cause Erectile Dysfunction” and then another one says, “My blood pressure was high and it was causing me E.D.”

When I first saw the commercials for Viagra or Levitra I just ignored them. I grouped them in the, “Doesn’t pertain to me, who cares” category, along with the Vagisil, Playtex, Preparation H, Depends, Dulcolax, Valtrex, Viagra, Levitra, Monostat, Herpicin and a plethora of other commercials. But when I heard the words Diabetes and Erectile Dysfunction my ears perked up like a Labrador’s and I stared at the tv with rapt attention. This is how you get my attention.

My real father has Adult Onset Diabetes and being part African American my chances are higher for getting this disease, not to mention that I am overweight and I like to sit in front of the tv eating sugar – out of a bag – with a spoon. Talk about a wake-up call.

So before this commercial the effects of Diabetes didn’t seem like that big of a deal, I used to think – so I lose feeling in my hands and feet, so maybe I lose my vision – big deal – but now this?!!?!?! Okay, this we will have to do something about. This is something worth giving up sugar for. I might not mind being blind, fat, and without sensation in my hands and feet, but I’ll be darned if I am blind, fat AND impotent!

So if you see me out at the gym or eating a broccoli crown it is not because I want six pack abs and huge biceps, it is because I want to keep the one thing that is quite sacred to all men – L.O. – Lift Off.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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