How to Make Me Laugh…

These are rated PG-13

Smart Ass Answers

A flight attendant was stationed at the departure gate to check tickets.As a man approached, she extended her hand for the ticket and he opened his trench coat and flashed at her.Without missing a beat….she said, “Sir, I need to see your ticket not your stub.”


A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but she couldn’t find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy,”Do these turkeys get any bigger?” The stock boy replied, “No ma’am, they’re dead.”


The cop got out of his car and the kid who was stopped for speeding rolled down his window. “I’ve been waiting for you all day,” the cop said.The kid replied, “Yeah, well I got here as fast as I could.” When the cop finally stopped laughing he sent the kid on his way without a ticket.


A college teacher reminds her class of tomorrow’s final exam.”Now class, I won’t tolerate any excuses for you not being here tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family, but that’s it, no other excuses whatsoever!”

A smart ass guy in the back of the room raised his hand and asked, “What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?”

The entire class is reduced to laughter and snickering. When silence was restored, the teacher smiled knowingly at the student, shaking her head and sweetly said

“Well, I guess you’d have to write the exam with your other hand.”

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