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Boot Camp

Perhaps I didn’t mention it, but during my holiday feasts I consumed more calories 3 sumo wrestlers at an all-you-can-eat sushi buffet. When I jogged on the treadmill after a weeks worth of partying I started to smell something sweet. I touched my forehead and it was sticky. I looked at my arms and they were covered with what looked like donut glaze – I was literally sweating sugar!

Like the rest of America, I plan to diet in the New Year, but for now I plan to enjoy the holidays denying myself nothing and consuming every tasty confection that is prepared for me.

However, in Kentucky, Joe Bruner has found a gym and that gym has cardio classes and today he suggested we do a Boot Camp class. “I ain’t afraid of no boot camp!” I told him, knowing that in the past I had destroyed many a boot camp class and went home ready to sign up for the Army. Amber, Nicole, Joe and I started the class and one of the girls informed us that it would be from 9-10:30. I started to worry. 90 minutes of hard cardio is A-LOT. Especially if in the last month you have replaced your cardio workouts with Christmas parties and binge eating.

The class started with the dreaded jump rope. It was the longest 3 minutes of my life. We went from jump rope to 50 jumping jacks WITH WEIGHTS, 50 toe touches kicking out with one foot while touching with the opposite arm, and then 50 mountain climbers!!! We did it and then the instructor said RINSE AND REPEAT!!! So we did it again. After about 15 minutes of class I knew that I had already burned about 3000 calories – at this rate I knew I would be back down to my pre-holiday weight by the time the class was over.

My favorite part of the class was moving to the basketball court where we ran suicides and each time we came to the base line we did 10 push-ups. I didn’t realize that you could actually expel your interior gastrointestinal system, but I almost did – twice.

When the 90 minutes was over I prayed to God and asked him why he allowed Satan to work as a boot camp instructor in Kentucky – I am still awaiting his answer.

So, that being said, Kentucky has been fun, and when I return home I am probably going to be ripped and there will be no need for New Years Resolutions!

Miss you guys and gals!

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

One reply on “Boot Camp”

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