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Get That Dirt Off Your Shoulder

The wind tickled the trees and their rustling sounded like the laughter of children. Orange, brown, lime greens, and gold surrounded us on all sides as we made our way down the Greenbelt trail. Jeff, Jennifer, Cat and I rode at a brisk pace enjoying the Autumn breeze that was redolent with fall fragrance. The morning was going wondrously well despite the fact that Cat was trying her hardest to outpace me.

My bike has a 21 inch frame, I think Cat was riding on a 16 inch frame. I am twice the size of Cat, and despite the fact that she is most likely more agile, in the bike department it was obvious who was superior. About 3 miles into the bike trail Cat and I spotted a lady riding about 100 yards ahead. Cat looked over at me with a menacing grin and said, “I am going to fly by her so fast it will look like she is sitting still!” Shocked and suprised I watched as Cat punished her pedals and spewed gravel and dust in my face. Cat gained on the poor woman in no time at all and as Cat wizzed by I heard her shout out something to the lady, I could have sworn she said “Loser!”, but Cat denied it and said she yelled out, “Mornin!” and smiled and waved. I looked away and rolled my eyes and under my breath I said, “Yeah Right”.

For some reason the song “Devil in a Blue Dress” played through my mind, – methinks Cat was trying out her Halloween costume a day early.

After finally recovering from Cat’s sudden burst of speed and change of personality, we road together harmoniously and chatted about everything and nothing. Suddenly, and without warning, (which is always the way it is when it is sudden) I noticed that I could feel all of the gravel that we were riding over, every bump, every jagged rock could be felt right on my butt bone. I looked down and realized I had a flat. Ugh! A flat?!?!?! Livid I looked to the heavens and shook my fist at God and asked “Why God? Why!” I am sure God shook his head back and wondered why in the world he created me to be so dramatic. He probably even made a mental note “Note to self, less drama when creating future Eddo’s”.

I looked at ahead and I had to yell out to Cat to get her to stop. She apparently had sensed my weakness and seized on this opportunity to get an astounding lead on me. When she realized that victory was hers for the taking, she laughed, tossing her illustrious black hair about and looked to the heavens and said, “Thanks God!”

I knew the odds were somehow stacked against me – at least Cat was in cahoots with God instead of a talking serpent.

The ride ended with a 1.5 mile walk for me, while Cat and Jeff went back for the truck and picked us (Jennifer, Cat’s sister stayed with me) up at rest area that bisects the trail.

Later Cat and I went to my sister’s baby shower and she slipped back into her angel suit. Attractive and stylish as ever all my relatives immediately started whispering to each other, “What is she doing with Eddie?” The puzzled looks were easy to interpret. Of course I was beaming and I was wearing a shirt that read, “Yep, she’s with me!” Just in case anyone was wondering if she was a cousin or something.

Cat got to meet all of my family and even met my real dad in one afternoon. Looking back I realized that no other girls that I have ever dated in my entire life have met my real father – but that is a topic for another post.

Eddoxoxox

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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