Act I – Jason’s Deli
The other night I entered Jason’s Deli and I was wearing my shirt that read, “Do you know my race?” on the front. I get asked about my race so often that it became a joke and so Mel Pannell from Waco (Sic’em Bears) made me the aforementioned shirt.
I stood at the counter about to order my creamy broccoli and cheese soup, and of course the all-you-can-eat salad bar, when the guy waiting on me says, “You must be Patrick’s brother!” and I said, “Nope, is Patrick’s brother big and ugly?” and he said, “I don’t know, but we don’t know his race either, we hope it’s human.” I gave him a courtesy chuckle and moved on.
As I paid my tab part of me really wished that I could meet this Patrick and his brother because very rarely do people say I look like anyone else and I think it would be cool to have an actual brother named Patrick. I think I would call him “Trick” for short instead of Pat because I have never been a big fan of the name “Pat” as a man’s name because of “Pat” from SNL. I also think the nickname “Trick” would rock and I am thinking about implementing it for myself. (“Say Trick, what it is!” See how cool that sounds.)
Act II – The UPS Store
“You know that guy you are holding in your hand was as tall as you and he weighed only 160 pounds.” I looked over to see who was talking to me and it was an elderly gent with a mustache. He was wearing a straw hat and in his pants he had tucked in his striped shirt and his ample stomach. I smiled and replied, “Alexander Hamilton? ( I was holding a 20 dollar bill)” and he said, “Yep”. For some reason I could easily picture him with a crooked pipe in his mouth saying, “Elementary my dear Watson.”
I didn’t really know what to say and so I just stood there and then he continued without provocation, “Hamilton always road his horse with his back stuck up straight as a hickory tree and that is why the called him ‘Old Hickory'”. Of course this was news to me because “Obscure Presidential Info” was a class I never took in college or high school. Having no response for him I said, “Well, I weigh 330.” And without missing a beat the Sherlock Holmes feller said, “Harold Taft was the only president to ever weigh more than 300 pounds. Back in colonial times the houses were built so shoddily that people had to reinforce the floors of their homes if they knew Taft was coming for a visit.” I responded with a “You don’t say” and I was actually intrigued by all of this new information. I was tempted to ask him, “Are you a college professor?”, But I was out of time and past experience has taught me that this could lead into a long, long discussion, and I had to get back to work.
As I have mentioned once or twice before on this site, crazy people are drawn to me, and now I am wondering if that circle is broadening just a bit to include “random strangers with nothing better to do than to chat up other strangers”. Like the crazy people, I welcome them with open arms.