I went to Starbucks on Wednesday and got a Iced Venti Upside Down Non-Fat Caramel Macchiato (Do I ever diet?). When the guy was making it he stopped and asked, “Did you say non-fat or whole milk?” and I responded, “non-fat please.” He then looked at me and said, “I don’t even know why you are asking for non-fat.” Even though the compliment came from a dude in a very non-gay way I really appreciated it. Here I was ordering this sugary concoction and feeling guilty for doing so and someone pays me a compliment. I have to admit I did look good in my one-piece silver spandex body suit with black running shorts with blue piping, but no one has complimented me before when I was wearing this extremely flattering ensemble.
The Apartment Flooded
Wednesday night I came home from the gym late. I had just put in 45 minutes of intense cardio and then I went to the grocery store to get some eggs. When I arrived home I noticed that water was oozing out of my neighbors apartment under the door and through the concrete and stucco where water should not be seeping. This caused me to pause a moment and ponder what could possibly be going on. For a moment I actually thought that someone must have just washed our portico or perhaps a small Native American tribe had just done a rain dance in front of my door, but alas, it was neither.
Once I got into my apartment I went into my laundry room/office and noticed that there was water all over the floor. Fortunately it didn’t harm my computer, but all of the computer cables were swimming in water and the computer was still on! Gasp! I gingerly unplugged everything knowing that it was probably stupid to be touching anything electric while standing in a puddle of water but I like living on the edge.
I cleaned up the mess and was up till two in the morning working on drying stuff out. Apparently a pipe burst upstairs and flooded the entire quadrant that I live in. Nothing important was damaged and the whole incident has actually forced me to reorganize my office space and has helped me get into gear about cleaning out some old papers that were in my office. In an effort to speed up the drying out process and the re-org process I just set the whole apartment on fire – everything is dry now and very organized into neat little black piles and the whole place has that wood burning scent that you normally only smell in the winter.
Maksim (the Russian) gave me a bottle of fat-burning pills that he bought but decided not to use. I told him that I wasn’t a big fan of diet pills because most of them are just caffeine crutches and I don’t need no crutch! However, since he was giving me 30 dollars worth of drugs for free I took them – I NEVER turn down free drugs.
So yesterday I read the bottle and it says, “For Extreme Fat Loss – take two pills three times a day. Caution: Do not take within 6 hours of sleep.”
I followed the instructions to the T and last night I was up till 2AM. Apparently this pill is as magical as the beans that were given to Jack because they kept me up all night cleaning rebuildin my apartment and I re-designed Posted Note and so I have a new template ready for when this months competition ends with this current template. I alos accidentally spilled a couple of pills in the sink and they grew into a giant plant that produce large orb like fruit and there was a huge purple snake on this green branch and it enticed me to partake of the fruit and if I did I would have the body of a greek god and the affections of Eva. Eva Longoria I inquired? And he said with a lisp,” why yesth”. Tossing caution to the wind (so cliche) I devoured the fruit despite knowing what it did to Adam and Eve and the rest of humanity and when I awoke this morning Eva Longoria was curled up on the pillow next to me and I had six pack abs and 2% bodyfat.
So this morning on the way to work I stopped at Starbucks again because Elaine of Eliner TV sent me a gift card since I did her reality tv site and so I have to use the gift card to try the new Green Tea. The guy told me, “It’s really good and it has a hint of mint!” and so I am sipping it now and gagging with every slurp. It is not good, but I feel like I have to drink it since I paid so much for it. It tastes a lot like minty grass so if you like the taste of grass and you love mint – try the new green tea from Starbucks!