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Sideways

This week I am working at a remote location. I am one of those people that doesn’t like to use public restrooms. I realize that most of my readers are ladies and I imagine that your bathrooms are rosy fresh and free of newspaper ridden stalls and urine sprinkled floors. I imagine that you have snack machines and a juke box in your restroom while most of the time we don’t even have separators between the urinals for a little bit of privacy.

Today while at the remote location I found that I needed to take a grumpamoose and since I couldn’t just drive to my house like I normally do I had to go at work in the public restroom. Ugh. Gross.

These work restrooms were apparently built in the 1960’s when the average earthling was the size of a 4 foot Pygmy. Later they decided to install toilet paper dispensers the size of small hippo next to the toilet so the janitor would only have to change the toilet paper once a year – if that.

These enormous dispensers made it impossible for me (or anyone else I am sure) to sit on the toilet the normal way. I had to straddle the thing side saddle. This is not only uncomfortable but it does not allow for proper execution of the entire numero dos process. As we all know men are built differently than women and public toilets aren’t built nice and round like they are at your house. I found that the oval shaped toilet made for near impossible bathrooming in such an akward positions and therefore trying to take a sideways bathroom break was once again a hassle.

For some reason while I am sitting there I can’t help but think, “I so need to blog about this” and in the next thought I think about Ben of MIM and I think, “Oh, I bet he is the public restroom king and he would know what to do in this situation – too bad I don’t have him on speed dial.”

I finished my business albeit uncomfortably and departed with an additonal item to add to my list of why I don’t like public restrooms.

Reason #68 Pooping sideways.

By Evan Stark

Eddie Renz is an avid fan of Egyptology, Wilbur Smith and bacon. Not a fan of humility but often finds himself humbled when he is around people who understand numbers like the Fibonacci sequence and Pi.

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