The Ex

I went to see an old girlfriend yesterday. I have seen her a couple of times in the last couple of months, but it has been a while since we spent some real quality time together.
How does it happen? One minute you are close, inseparable, and then you wake up one morning and you just don't feel the same anymore.

I sidled up to her slowly, a light smile on my face. I noticed her boxy frame right away, she stood out, but she was still classy, neat, and sophisticated. She always did like to hob nob with the rich and sophisticated. She greeted me with open arms and welcomed me into her embrace. She smelled like fresh baked cookies and roses.

I continued to size her up taking my time, as always her melons were big and round, and plump. She had them sitting out there on display for me and everyone else to see. I looked at them, wistfully, remembering the many times that they had made me happy.
I walked around to check out her rump roast, and as always, it was bangin, just hanging out there - kapow, I couldn't wait to get my hands on it.

The memories came flooding back to me and the images played in my mind they way the do in a sitcom when everyone has a flashback and a harp plays and the screen gets all fuzzy around the edges. It was magical.

Maybe it is because I have deep seated commitment issues, there are so many just like her, and it is hard to settle down. No matter how good she was to me, how would I ever know if she was the one?

People say that when you find the one, you will know, and you won't have any doubts, I am still waiting for that doubt free relationship. The one that provides a money back garauntee, the one that will triple the value of my coupons, the one where I never need a price check - is she out there?

The more time we spent together the more I wondered why we had ever parted, perhaps it's because I don't like to put all my eggs in one basket, or because she caught me with one of her friends- Little Debbie. It was like a fatal attraction, I had to have her even though I knew she was bad for me.

The Ex had other very attractive friends as well, Betty Crocker, Mrs. Dash, Mrs. Butterworth - they were all so tempting and all "off limits" - how could we ever be together if I kept finding myself so drawn to her closest friends? I should have realized the relationship was doomed from the start.

We remain friends, we see each other every now and then, but we will never have a relationship like we had in the past.